Change Of Hearts
by Jen313
Summary: Their relationship takes a turn and Eric struggles to accept it. Calleigh tries to figure out if what she THOUGHT she wanted is truly what she REALLY wants.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: I'm brand new to Fan Fiction. This is my very first story. I've never really fancied myself as a writer,  
but have recently found that writing my own E/C stories helps lessen the frustration of having to watch what the show's  
writers have come up with. I won't get into a rant about the 9x2 locker room scene, since you don't know me...yet!  
Going with what they started, this is MY version of what happened after 9x2. Enjoy! ~Jen_

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with CSI:Miami. These characters aren't mine, I just borrowed them for this  
particular journey. CBS can have them back (reluctantly) when I'm done!_

**Chapter 1**

Eric stood in front of his locker quickly trying to gather his things. He really wanted to be able to slip out without seeing or having to speak to anyone now that his shift was over. He felt slightly selfish for feeling that way, but for the past few weeks he'd not been feeling very social. Truth be told, he _knew_ how horrible he was at hiding his emotions, and with the way his emotions had been swirling around him lately, making him feel extremely off-kilter, he knew someone was bound to call him on it. And he really wasn't ready to have to defend himself just yet. The inevitable "_I'm fine_" he'd offer up when his colleagues questioned what was wrong would no doubt not be accepted, and he wasn't in the mood to explain…and he was too tired to try to perpetuate the lie.

As Eric fiddled in his locker, he caught himself angrily mumbling "_like family, my ass…_", and realized, yet again, that yes…he'd let his mind go _there_. Frustrated with himself, he slammed his locker shut and was putting on his jacket when he heard it. The one sound that used to be music to his ears, but now only caused him to tense and fight to make sure his defensive walls were in place. Ironic, really, that he was now the one with the walls when for so long they'd belonged to her. He contemplated trying to make a run for it, to get out the door before she knew he was there. But he realized that no matter how he felt, that would just be childish and he just had to man up and face her. Within seconds, he heard the unmistakable clicking of her heels approach their row of lockers, and then she appeared.

Calleigh noticed Eric and quickly greeted him with a cheery "Hey, Eric!" He looked towards her, replied with an unemotional "Hey, Calleigh" and turned his attention to his bag, which he'd just extracted from his locker. There was nothing really exciting about that bag, but it was something to hold his attention, since he couldn't bring himself to look at her. Calleigh noticed that, once again, she was going to get the cold-shoulder, but she pressed on, trying to forge the friendly relationship that she was so desperately hoping she and Eric could still have. Not giving up, she decided to try a little small talk.

"It was nice to have such an open and shut case today, huh? It's nice when the 'bad guys' make it easy on us on a Friday afternoon."

He forced a smile and responded without looking at her, "Yeah, that's always good."

She sighed deeply. This wasn't going well.

"So I know this is your week where you get the whole weekend off. No on-calls. Any big plans?"

"Calleigh, I can't…" Eric suddenly caught himself. He didn't want to do this here…not now. So, with his attention still on the bag in his hand and not on her, he re-started.

"Actually, I picked up an extra shift this weekend. Natalia's sister is having a birthday party, so I offered to work her shift so she could go."

Calleigh eyed Eric with a very serious look. He'd been doing that a lot lately – throwing himself into his work. In the past, Eric wasn't well known for his punctuality, but recently she'd often noticed him in the lab before she arrived for her shift, still in the lab when she was leaving for the day, and working on days that should have been his days off. She was concerned for him.

"Eric, you've been picking up a lot of overtime. You really need to have some time for yourself. I don't want you to get run-down or burnt out or…"

Eric's control snapped. Was he being irrational? Maybe. But he just couldn't stand here _one more second _and listen to her voicing her concern for his well being, so he interrupted her.

"Calleigh, look. I just can't do this, okay?" He looked her in the eyes for the first time since she entered the locker room, and he saw concern and confusion there. There goes the "not here, not now" theory. He couldn't keep up this pretense any longer, so he finally let out all the things he'd been keeping inside.

"I guess I should be grateful that you say you still care for me. I've never really maintained good relationships with my ex's, and the fact that you claim to love me like you love your family, I guess like you love your brothers - that should make me feel good. That you still want me to be a part of your life. But Calleigh, I…I just _don't _love you that way."

Calleigh felt her blood start to boil. After over 10 years of friendship, all the things they had shared together – how could he just…not care? Eric didn't give her a chance to respond. He shrugged his shoulders, stared at his feet, because he just couldn't look into those eyes anymore, and continued.

"I don't love you like I love my sisters, Calleigh. It's different in every possible way. I don't dream, every single night, about making love to them. I don't dream about having babies with them. I never once bought any of them a ring that I hid in my drawer in a pair of socks, hoping they wouldn't find it, waiting for the perfect moment to ask them to marry me. I don't look at them and see them as being my future…my everything. That was all you, Calleigh. I love my sisters, but I'm _in love_ with you. So I appreciate that you want to be friends with me. I do. But I can't do that. I can't be _just_ friends with you. Not after what we had. Not right now, anyway. It just hurts…way too much. It hurts so much that…" He paused, shuffled his feet, re-gathered himself and continued, "I just can't. I'm sorry."

With that Eric turned, and without even once glancing back at her, and with tears in his eyes that she couldn't see, he walked out the door. Calleigh stood, feet rooted to the same spot she'd been standing in, and stared in the direction of the space that Eric had only minutes ago occupied. She was stunned. She almost couldn't breathe. The anger she'd felt moments ago faded into other emotions she wasn't quite ready for. Confusion, sadness, guilt. Did he really just tell her that he'd bought her a ring and was ready to propose to her? Surely she'd imagined that part. I mean, sure they'd discussed the future, but he'd actually bought an engagement ring?

Calleigh sat on the bench in front of her locker. She rested her elbows on her knees, and her head in her hands. As her mind wandered back over what Eric had said, she found herself wondering what exactly that ring looked like. And then she chastised herself. That was selfish - after having turned _him_ away, she had no right wonder. Guilt washed over her in waves. This man loved her, enough to have spent God-knows how much money on a ring. He wanted to marry her. And she'd told him that she'd loved him like _family_!

Only now was she realizing what a slap-in-the-face that must have been. How condescending she must have seemed, and how he must have felt like she had minimized his feelings. Only now was Calleigh realizing exactly how badly she'd broken Eric's heart. That, in turn, broke her own heart, and she didn't know how in the world she was going to fix this. And she couldn't escape the feeling that when she'd watched Eric walk through that door, it might really have been good-bye. And she had never, _ever_ prepared herself for the possibility that that could ever happen.

Calleigh had honestly believed that her decision had been what was best for she and Eric's relationship. But she'd also believed that the only part of their relationship that they'd have to abandon was the intimate part. The sex. She had convinced herself that their friendship had been strong enough that they could just go back to the closeness that they used to share. That they could still be the same important people in each other's lives that they'd always been. But she was now seeing that her thinking had been flawed. She had made this decision, without asking Eric for his input. Had she asked, she would have found out that he felt oh so differently than she did. For Eric, after having finally achieved that intimacy he'd longed for, and waited so long for, and then to have it so abruptly taken away – it was impossible to just go back to the way things used to be. Loving Calleigh had changed him. Being _allowed_ to love her had changed him. Changed him more than she'd let herself realize – so much so that her plan of only losing Eric _as a lover_ really wasn't reality. In reality, she was simply losing Eric. Losing Eric completely was never in her plans, and she suddenly began to understand exactly what he'd been feeling the past few weeks.

Calleigh sat there for a long time – thinking and trying to compose herself – eventually gathering her things and walking out the same door Eric had. And if anyone had watched her leave, they'd have seen that Eric wasn't the only one to pass through that door with tears in their eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks to all who reviewed Chapter 1! It was kinda like being at a new school and the cool kids asking you to sit at their table for lunch! The kind words and encouragement are much appreciated! ~Jen_

Chapter 2

Weeks passed by and Eric and Calleigh continued to drift apart. They never again mentioned their conversation from the locker room that Friday night. Calleigh had no idea how to approach the topic. She wanted to apologize for hurting him, but that sounded trite. And there was still enough pride within her to hang on to a sliver of a belief that she wasn't the only one at fault here. Her decision to end the romantic chapter of their relationship was based on _his_ actions. _He'd_ done the things to plant a seed of doubt in her mind; to cause her to question her trust in him. As much as it bothered her that he was hurting so much (because she _did_ still care about him), the thought that he too had played a roll in their break-up was the only thing keeping her from being _totally_ consumed by guilt.

Fault and blame aside, it was difficult for Calleigh to adjust to this new relationship with Eric. There used to be so many beautiful and complex aspects to their relationship – there was both romance and friendship; they were both intimate and playful. They were best friends, lovers, confidantes, listeners, co-workers. Currently, the latter was all they seemed to have left. They were simply…co-workers. Nothing more, nothing less. They didn't talk outside of work. At the lab they only discussed cases. She did have to give him credit – he didn't make their work environment awkward. He didn't ignore her when they were working on cases together. He was civil, sometimes even bordering on friendly. Eric took his job seriously, and he didn't let this situation affect his work. She had no doubt that if she were in danger, he'd stick his neck out to protect her, though he'd honestly do that for _any_one he worked with. But gone were the days of shared coffee breaks spent tossing around theories about cases. Gone was their playful banter. Gone was practically everything that _they _used to be.

It wasn't long before the other CSI's at Miami Dade picked up on the tension between the couple. Calleigh and Eric never officially reported their break-up to their friends. Then again, they'd never really officially made an announcement when they got together either. Regardless, it didn't take a rocket scientist to see the truth in front of them. The two senior CSI's barely spoke to each other. Calleigh had lost the sparkle in her eyes. Eric never smiled anymore. Both were distant. It was pretty obvious that Calleigh and Eric had split, though, to their co-workers, the reason still remained a mystery. Ryan had once tried to talk to Eric about it, but he knew when Eric shot him a death glare that screamed "_don't go there!_" that it would be the last time the subject would be brought up. Natalia had tried a more indirect route with Calleigh – nonchalantly asking the blonde questions about what she did over the weekend or what her plans for the evening were. Calleigh always knew what she was getting at, though, and never divulged a thing. She never strayed from keeping her private life exactly that – private.

The lab felt like a completely different place than it used to. Everyone noticed the change. Calleigh and Eric had worked there longer than anyone – other than Horatio, that is. The other staff looked up to them. If the mood of the lab was any indication, the staff also fed off of their emotions. Somber Calleigh and Eric seemed to have created a much less fun work environment than most had grown used to.

In an attempt to try to boost their team's morale, and of course to get Eric and Calleigh together in a non-work related setting, Ryan and Natalia had taken to trying to organize some after-work 'socials'. Basically that consisted of going out for drinks to celebrate another case closed and a job well done. The problem was, Eric never showed up. The first few times, Calleigh did join the crew, but she'd usually sit and stare at an unfinished drink, force a laugh if a conversation warranted it, and plaster a fake smile on her face as she said her goodbyes and excused herself early. She might not admit it to herself, but Calleigh would attend the get-togethers with the slight hope that maybe Eric _would _show up. With the hope that maybe, just _maybe_, they could talk. Talk about something, _anything _other than an investigation. The weather, his nieces and nephew, her latest addition to her ever growing gun collection. Anything. But he never showed up. And soon, Calleigh stopped showing up as well.

While it saddened them immensely, Ryan and Natalia realized that there really wasn't anything they could do to help their friends. This was something they had to figure out on their own. They just hoped that the two of them _would_ figure it out eventually, because as Natalia told Ryan, "Eric and Calleigh not together feels like the world being off its axis. They were the perfect couple, the definition of 'soul mates.' If they can't make it, I'm not sure anybody can." Ryan knew that Natalia was right. He'd known Eric and Calleigh for 6 years now. He'd never seen anyone with a deeper and stronger bond than those two had. If they couldn't make things work, Ryan didn't think he could hold out hope that 'true love' actually even existed.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks again for all the reviews. I know the last chapter was shorter, but I needed it to kinda set up other things. This one's a bit longer. And yes, we're still angsty...but it's just something they've gotta go through to get to the other side. Enjoy. And again...thanks!  
(By the way, I think Calleigh's gonna be VERY tired of SITTING by the time Emily has given birth! I hope her first ep back after the Holiday hiatus is her most action-packed ever. Her story-line will sure need a boost by then!)_

**Chapter 3**

This was becoming far too routine. Eric found himself, once again, reclining on his couch with the TV remote in hand, scanning endlessly through hundreds of channels. He knew it was pathetic, yet he had not the desire or the strength to do anything other than this.

To say that Eric wasn't handling this situation with Calleigh well, well that would be the understatement of the century. Logically he knew he needed to get over it...get over her and move on. Calleigh didn't want him anymore, and he couldn't change that. God knows he'd tried. He knew some of the decisions he'd made in the past had caused her to doubt him. He'd done every single thing he could think of to try to gain her trust back again. They'd spent hours upon hours talking and he'd made promises that he had every intention of keeping. He'd tried romancing her, and he'd given her space. And when she told him that she thought they'd be better off going back to the way things used to be, he vehemently disagreed with her. He fought for her with everything he had. Fought till he just didn't have any fight left in him. On that last night, at his wit's end, he'd begged her…literally on his knees, tears falling down his face begging…not to walk away from 'them'. But she had not wavered. So Eric composed himself and gathered what little dignity he had left. He never once told her that he agreed with her decision. He'd only said he didn't know what else he could possibly do to change her mind, and that he still respected her enough that if this was what she really wanted, he would just have to accept it. When he walked out of her home that night, he'd felt more broken than he ever had in his whole life.

Yes, Eric knew that Calleigh had made her choice and that he needed to move on. But knowing that and doing it were two completely different animals. His heart had been shattered into a million pieces, and he honestly didn't know how he'd ever put them back together. She was his 'forever girl' and he had no clue how he was expected to just get over that. He'd started out being angry with her. Angry that she could just throw away a love that he'd thought couldn't have been any more right. And then he'd felt guilty, for being the cause, the reason that she gave up on that love. But now, all Eric felt was complete and utter sadness. He missed her – every second of every day. He felt empty and alone and scared. Lost.

Eric looked around the quiet apartment. Everything reminded him of Calleigh - the doormat at his front door that she'd bought him because "_you're supposed to make people feel _welcome_ when they enter your house_;" the coffee mug in his kitchen cabinet that they'd gotten on a short little romantic jaunt they'd taken to Key West; her favorite throw blanket draped over the back of the couch, the one she insisted on wrapping them up in as they snuggled on the couch to watch TV; the bed, where they'd spent so many nights tangled in each other's embrace. It still smelled like her. There was nowhere he could go to escape her. He couldn't just remove the things that brought forth memories of her, because _everything _held some type of memory.

Since he couldn't toss away everything he owned, he'd settled on only removing the photos. He'd had snapshots of Calleigh everywhere – in frames, stuck to the fridge with magnets, taped to the dresser mirror in his bedroom. Now, he couldn't bear to have to look at those every day. To be constantly reminded of _exactly _what he lost. He replaced them with photos of his family. Eric thought it might be helpful to remind himself what he _did_ have, so now his nieces and nephew now held most of the places of honor, along with his parents and his sisters. His family. They still loved him, and their faces would be the ones he looked at to help him make it through this.

It took him some time before he was able to bring himself to do it, but eventually Eric gathered Calleigh's personal belongings that she'd left at his place and put them in a box. It felt strange to him to remove her things from his closets and drawers. His heart willed him to just leave them all there, because that's where they _belonged_. His brain reminded him that her things only belonged there if _she_ was there. And she most definitely was no longer there.

After he'd packed up some books, magazines and her clothes from his room, he sat on the bed and glanced around. It just felt so empty. As he looked towards his dresser, he got an urge that he full well knew he should have suppressed, but he couldn't help himself. He walked slowly over to the now half-empty piece of furniture, slid open the top drawer and reached in back to pull out the little black box that had resided there for a few months now. He sat back down on the bed, and hesitantly snapped open the top of the box.

So many times since he'd bought Calleigh this ring he'd sit and stare at it. He'd imagine all the ways he could possibly pop the question – each more romantic than the other. He'd imagine the look on her face when he did and what the sparkling gem would look like when he placed it on her slender finger. Now he could only wonder what exactly he was supposed to do with it. He could return it and get back the hefty sum of cash he'd doled out for it. That just wasn't a viable option, though. He'd spent so many hours searching for the one that was just right for her. There was no way he could just bring it back. He thought about tossing it in her box of things and just giving it to her despite the situation. After all, he'd never be able to use it again, because that ring was _her_ ring. Giving it to another woman would never feel right. At this point, Eric didn't feel like there could ever be another woman, anyway.

Sitting and staring at the beautiful diamond in his hand, Eric cried. He cried about love lost, and the future he'd dreamed about that would now never come to fruition. Tears fell freely down his cheeks as Eric let his emotions take over. After what felt like an eternity, he took a deep breath, resolutely walked back to his dresser, and tucked the tiny box in the back of the drawer once again. He'd decided it was not the best idea to just give Calleigh the ring – partly because he wasn't sure exactly what message it would send, and partly because there was an inner-child somewhere deep within him that screamed, "If you don't want ME, then you can't have IT!" For now, it would be the one thing belonging to Calleigh that would remain in its place. And even though he was crushed that the ring would reside in his drawer and not on her finger, deep down it made him feel just a _little _bit better knowing it was there.

Eric spent the next half hour gathering the rest of her things. There was her robe, some shampoo and other toiletries from the bathroom, some CD's and DVD's, and a few jackets and pairs of shoes she'd kept in his front closet. He'd thought about calling her to tell her she could pick her stuff up if she wanted, but he decided that having her come to his place would just be too uncomfortable. He was trying to move _past_ his memories, and her being there again would certainly not assist in that matter. He certainly wasn't going to go to her place with it, either. Just as many memories of them were woven in the fabric of her living space as there were here. So Eric figured his best bet would be to just bring the box to work where he could quickly pass it off with a "_here's your stuff – thought you might need it_" and be done with it. A quick and impersonal exchange in the parking garage at work – that would be the least awkward way to do it, he thought. That thought, though, was soon followed by another - had it really come down to _this_?

Eric placed the box in his front hall with a loud sigh, and headed back to his bedroom. He was exhausted. He took an extra-long and steamy hot shower, climbed into bed, and prayed that maybe tonight, since her things were no longer occupying his home, that maybe she herself wouldn't occupy his dreams…again.

Unfortunately, his prayers weren't answered.


	4. Chapter 4

_Again, thanks for your reviews - they make me smile!  
Again, I don't own anything other than my idea and the characters you don't recognize.  
And finally, who watched Miss Emily on Chelsea last night? She's such a flippin' adorable pregnant woman! Her hair looked so cute! She and Chelsea together just make me laugh. Fun stuff...now, back to our regularly scheduled program...of angst, that is ;)_

**Chapter 4**

Eric wasn't sure that packing up Calleigh's things had been the best idea. The thought had been that maybe not seeing her items scattered around his apartment would help him to not think about her. In fact, the exact opposite had occurred – in the places where her things had been he merely saw empty voids, spaces where her things _should_ be, and that only served to make him miss her more and to perpetuate his loneliness. Her box of things still sat ominously in his front hall. He just hadn't been able to force himself to put it in his car to bring to the lab. He knew he needed to just get on with it, but the finality of that step scared him. One step at a time, they say, but what they don't tell you is how steep that last step really is.

_/EC/_

As his shift came to an end, Eric thought about what he was about to go home to, or more honestly what he _wasn't_ going home to. Work had taken its toll on him today. Bodies found on the beach were never easy – all that sand to scour through for evidence as the sun beats down unmercifully. He was simply worn down. Tired. Beaten. Going home to his empty apartment would do him no good tonight, he realized. He needed a release, some relief from the chaos that was his brain lately. Just for one night, he needed to escape. Tomorrow, he'd deal with whatever life brought his way. But tonight…tonight he planned to forget…

_/EC/_

Calleigh was startled from her restless sleep by the resonant tones of her cell phone. Restless seemed to be the _only _type of sleep she got these days. But sleep was sleep and she'd take it any way she could get it, so needless to say she wasn't pleased when the annoying device pulled her out of her light slumber. A quick glance at the clock on her nightstand, which read 2:23 a.m., only served to heighten her annoyance. A call out at this time of night was never good news. With a growl and a huff, Calleigh reached for her phone and was about to answer with a not-so-kind greeting of "Duquesne!" when she noticed the display on her phone. Eric. Her annoyance quickly faded into fear. Eric would _not _be calling about work at nearly 2:30 in the morning. Eric didn't call her about much of anything these days. Something had to be wrong. A million scenarios were parading through Calleigh's head as she answered the call with a tentative "Hello?"

"Uh, yeah, ummm…hi, my name is Brett."

Calleigh's face scrunched up in confusion. What the hell was going on?

"I'm the bartender here at Duffy's Tavern. The uh, the guy who belongs to this phone…"

"You mean Eric? Eric Delko? What's wrong?"

"Yeah, that's him. Well he has you listed as his I.C.E contact, ya know, In Case of Emergency, on his phone. And I'm sorry to call so late, but I have him here, and he's…uhh…he's really in no shape to get himself home. Is there someone that can come get him? It wouldn't be safe to send him off in a cab in this condition."

"What exactly _is _his condition?" she asked, almost afraid to know the answer.

"Well, he's kinda passed out."

Shaking her head, Calleigh replied, "I'll be there in 20 minutes."

Brett asked if she knew where the bar was located, and she rolled her eyes and wanted to yell "Don't you know? I'm Calleigh Duquesne…I know where EVERY bar in Miami is!" But this bartender didn't deserve her sarcasm, especially when this call wasn't actually in reference to her father, who was the reason she knew the location of every drinking establishment in the city. This was about Eric, and this was out of character for him to say the least. So she kindly told Brett "Yes, I'm familiar with Duffy's. I'm on my way."

"Thanks, Ma'am…and I'm sorry again for having to call so late."

Calleigh ended the call, quickly threw on a pair of yoga pants and a roomy MDPD sweatshirt, tied her hair up in what she was sure was a fairly messy ponytail, and then grabbed her keys, phone and purse and headed out the door.

_/EC/_

The roads were fairly vacant at nearly 3am, and with Calleigh's penchant for having a lead foot, she arrived at Duffy's in well under the 20 minutes she'd predicted. Normally, when she'd run these missions to save her father, she would feel frustrated and angry. But this was different. This was Eric. Had she been called to pick him up from one of the places he'd have frequented in the old days – a club with thumping music and a bunch of sexy drunk people looking to score – then she might have felt differently. But Duffy's was a watering hole that was mostly frequented by locals. One of those "where everybody knows your name" kinda places. Calleigh was pretty sure Eric didn't come here to get lucky. She _knew _why he'd come here, and that's why as she pulled open the front door, she was trying to hide both the guilt and the worry that she suddenly felt consumed by.

Calleigh approached the bar where a handsome, sandy-haired gentleman was washing drink glasses and obviously getting ready to close up shop. When he turned to her, she asked, "Are you Brett?"

"Yes, Ma'am, I sure am!"

"I'm Calleigh, you called me about Eric."

Brett's eyes got as big as saucers and he stared at her for a second with his mouth gaping wide open. Calleigh felt slightly uncomfortable.

"Um, uhhhhh…YOU'RE Calleigh?" he finally managed to mumble, his face paling considerably.

"Yes…I am." She arched her eyebrows and glared at him with such confusion that she hoped would make him explain how he knew who she was and why it seemed to matter.

Brett took a moment, fiddling with the dishtowel in his hand before finally addressing Calleigh again.

"Oh man! Listen, I didn't know. REALLY! When I looked for the emergency contact on his phone, it didn't say your name - it just had the number. I guess he forgot to change it. If I had known it was you, I'd have tried something else. Checked for the last call on his log or something. I'm really sorry…"

Finally, it all clicked for Calleigh. Eric had in fact come here to drown his sorrows, and he did just that. Brett, as bartenders are known to do, probably listened as Eric poured out his soul and told him all his troubles. And no doubt she wasn't portrayed very nicely as the story played out. Calleigh understood Brett's hesitation now. He unknowingly called the last person Eric would want to help him out of this tight spot, and he felt horrible.

Trying to ease the poor guy's mind, Calleigh sweetly interrupted him.

"Listen, it's okay. _Really_. I'm glad you called. I would never want anything to happen to him. I can get him home safely, and that's what's important."

Calleigh was glad her reassurance seemed to calm the man, but now she was getting more concerned because she didn't see Eric anywhere. Brett nodded his head towards the back of the bar, where sure enough, there seemed to be a big pile of a man slumped over a table in a corner booth.

"He went to use the men's room a while ago, and that's as far as he made it."

"Can I close out his tab?" Calleigh asked.

"20 bucks and we'll call it even!" Brett said with a wink and a grin.

Calleigh glanced at Eric's slumped form, then back to Brett and tilted her head.

"I know that man, and it took more than 20 dollars worth of alcohol to make him pass out."

Brett smiled shyly. "Ma'am. That guy is having a real rough go of it. I hear a lot of sob stories in this place. But him, he's really hurtin' and I just feel for him." He looked away, uncomfortable sharing this with Calleigh knowing what Eric had told him.

He looked at her hesitantly and continued. "You, you seem nice and all…I just think the guy deserves a bit of a break. I wanna do somethin' nice for him."

Calleigh smiled gently at the barkeep, and laid a $20 on the bar. He handed her Eric's keys, which he'd explained Eric had offered up earlier in the evening knowing full well that he'd be in no condition to drive home.

Calleigh approached Eric and tried to wake him. He didn't respond at all to her verbal cues, not even when she gently tried to shake him. Brett came over and offered his help, and between the two of them they were able to get Eric stood up with one of them supporting him on each side. They slowly walked Eric out to Calleigh's car, which was parked right in front of the building. Eric was barely conscious. He mumbled a few indecipherable words, but despite being dead weight, he at least wasn't combative.

Calleigh thanked Brett one last time for his help. They shook hands, and Brett held Calleigh's hand a bit longer than necessary to get her attention.

"Listen, I don't know exactly what happened between you two. But that dude in your car…man, he loves you. As much as I've ever seen a guy love a girl. And I can tell you care about him too. I can see it in how you look at him. What you have is rare. I hope someday you guys can maybe work things out. And if you do, I hope you'll bring him back to visit me!"

Brett released her hand, and with a sweet smile he turned and walked back into his bar. Calleigh sighed and walked around to get into her car. Eric was still passed out, head leaning against the passenger side window. She figured that was for the best – he probably wouldn't appreciate that it was she who was helping him to get home right now anyway. As she pulled away from Duffy's and headed towards Eric's place, she thought about what Brett had said. He was right about one thing – what Calleigh and Eric had, it had been pretty special and rare. She truly felt like her relationship with him had been the best thing that ever happened in her life. And she had no doubt that he loved her. She _never_ doubted that. But she'd had valid reasons why she felt they could no longer be together. Reasons that had made complete sense to her all those weeks ago.

The problem, Calleigh was beginning to find, was that she was beginning to question the validity of her reasons. Had she thought things through enough? Had she been too hasty in making her decision? Were her doubts worth all the pain she'd caused Eric? Would she ever again be able to find a love like she had with Eric? If she changed her mind, would it be too late anyway? Had she made the biggest mistake of her life?

Calleigh's mind raced with questions as she made her way to Eric's apartment. She knew she'd answer none of them tonight. She glanced at the man in the seat next to her. Tonight was not the time to deal with all those fears. Tonight, she would take care of Eric, like he'd done for her on so many occasions. She owed him at least that.

The rest would have to wait.


	5. Chapter 5

_So sorry for the wait folks. Sometimes life gets in the way. But here's the next chapter. Many of you have asked if Eric & Calleigh will get back together in this story. I won't lie, I'm too much of a hiphugger to say no. But I just really think Calleigh has some soul-searching to do first. A life-changing event will occur in a few chapters, so until then, angst remains.  
Oh, and again...I own nothing recognizable. :)_

**Chapter 5**

Calleigh pulled up to Eric's building and pulled into his reserved parking space. She was thankful in this moment that the space was fairly close to the front door, but she still wasn't completely sure how she was going to manage getting Eric even the short distance from her car to the door. She was strong, but he _was_ a foot taller than her and almost double her weight. She got out, rounded the car to his side and took a moment to gaze at him through the passenger side window.

Calleigh had always thought that Eric seemed to have a childlike quality when he slept. His lips were always slightly parted and he just seemed so innocent and peaceful. She had often, in their time together, found herself just watching him sleep, and had determined that sleep probably helped disguise the fears and worries in his life. In sleep, as long as he wasn't having any of his now infrequent nightmares, he wasn't plagued by the death of his best friend and of his sister; by getting shot and almost losing his own life on more than one occasion; by having a bullet lodged in his head and not knowing what could happen if it got dislodged; by finding out the man who'd called him 'son' for his whole life was actually of no blood relation to him. In sleep, he didn't have to think about the fact that he felt his whole life had been a lie and that he now questioned his own identity. Calleigh sighed sadly, and admitted to herself that sleep probably also let him escape the hurt of what she'd done. At least, she hoped it did.

Carefully, Calleigh opened the passenger door and moved in beside Eric to catch him before he tumbled right out of the seat. Like earlier, he didn't quite awaken fully…didn't even open his eyes. But he was conscious enough to get himself out of the car and stand with Calleigh supporting most of his weight. He tried to say something, but his words were so slurred she couldn't make out the meaning of them. Though his wobbly legs caused them to stumble in a zigzag pattern up the walkway, she managed to get him into the building and down the hall. She leaned him against the wall a bit as she used her key to his apartment to open the door and as she reached in to turn on the light, she wondered if he even realized that she still had the key, and what he thought about it if he did.

Calleigh eased Eric into the apartment, kicking the door closed behind her. She headed straight back to his bedroom and quickly turned down the covers before she sat him on the bed. She debated whether she should get him undressed so he would be more comfortable, but decided that in this situation it would be best not to. She knelt down to remove his shoes, when Eric finally said something she could understand.

"Who's th..th..there?"

She smiled and couldn't deny how adorable he looked in his inebriated state at the moment.

"Eric, it's me Calleigh. I brought you home."

"Cal?"

Calleigh's heart skipped. He just called her 'Cal'. He hadn't called her that since, well…it had been a while. Lately, he'd addressed her only as 'Calleigh' – proper, professional, impersonal. Right from the beginning, when Eric had joined CSI and they'd become fast friends over a decade ago, he'd used the shortened 'Cal' as her nickname, and hearing him say it again made her realize how much she missed it. Eric broke her out of her thoughts when he spoke up again.

"Calleigh? No. No, no, no…she's gone."

Eric groaned, and started shaking his head vigorously. The abrupt motion obviously made worse the effects of his binge, and he grabbed his head as he whispered,

"No. Calleigh left. She left…"

As he trailed off, his voice went very soft. She wasn't positive, but she thought she made out one last mumbled word – 'me'.

He sounded so defeated. Calleigh wanted to just take him in her arms and comfort him, but she knew she couldn't. So, she did what she knew she _could_ do – what a good friend would do. She finished taking off his shoes, unbuckled his belt and slid it out of his belt loops, and laid him down on the bed and covered him. Once his head hit the pillow, he remained passed out, his drunken ramblings ceased. Knowing he'd need it, she went to the bathroom and got a bottle of aspirin out of the medicine cabinet and placed it on the nightstand, as well as the small trashcan which she put next to his bed, just in case. Then she headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

Calleigh allowed herself to look around the apartment as she walked through. For the first time, it felt weird to be here. For so long this had been like a second home to her, and now she felt like a stranger, an intruder.

She glanced around the living room and noticed that it looked different. She was immediately drawn to the bookshelf in the corner. She approached it and focused on an 8x10 photo in a frame there. In the photo, Eric's nieces Bella and Arianna and his nephew Nicolas were all donning paper party hats and ice cream 'moustaches' and grinning from ear to ear. It saddened Calleigh when she realized the photo was probably taken at Arianna's 2nd birthday party - a party that took place 2 weekends ago. A party she had planned on attending with Eric…until everything changed.

It did not go unnoticed by Calleigh that not only was the picture of the kids new, but also that it had replaced a different picture that had previously resided in the same frame - her favorite picture - one that had been taken by Alexx at a 4th of July gathering at her house. It was completely candid. She and Eric had been seated on a blanket in the yard and he'd been whispering something in her ear. Calleigh didn't remember what he'd said, but when Alex had captured the moment, Eric's arms were around her waist holding her close and Calleigh's head was tilted back in laughter. It had always beexn her favorite photo of them together because it captured how undeniably happy they were together.

Her fingers trailed over the faces of the three beautiful children in the photo. They were everything to Eric – his family. She knew that no matter what, they brought joy to his life. She was so thankful he had them.

Though saddened that her favorite photo no longer had a place in his home (nor did any other photos of them, apparently), she understood it. She wasn't angry about it – how could she be? She asked him to move on, and that's all he was trying to do. She wouldn't deny how it hurt, though. Looking at the other snapshots displayed around the room, she saw all the people important to Eric – his parents, sisters, family, co-workers, friends. It hit her like a ton of bricks – she was no longer included in that group of people. In this moment, she surprised herself when she realized just how much she wished she _could_ be one of those people again. She'd come to take for granted being important to Eric, and him being the same for her. Now that she'd lost that, she missed it more than she could have ever imagined.

But this was her choice, one she'd made for a reason. She needed to suck it up and live with her decision. She knew though, that she'd never give up hope of at least gaining Eric back as a friend. And with that in mind, she set off for the kitchen with every intention of taking care of him like any good friend would do.

Glass of water in hand, as well as a note she'd scribbled on a pad of paper she grabbed out of the junk drawer in the kitchen, she re-entered Eric's bedroom. She set the glass down next to the bottle of aspirin, and rested the note next to them both. She settled his car keys on top of the note and turned to look at Eric. The light from the hallway shone through the door and lightly illuminated his face in the dark room. He was still resting peacefully, though Calleigh knew that the after effects of tonight would make his morning anything _but_ peaceful. She couldn't resist the urge to run her hand across his cheek as she whispered "Good night, Eric. Sleep well."

Calleigh turned to leave the room, but her eyes set upon the dresser on the wall across from his bed. Her mind was immediately taken back to their conversation in the locker room all those weeks ago. She walked up to it and ghosted her fingers across the front panel of the top drawer. Could it still be there? She looked over her shoulder at Eric, and sighed and knew she just couldn't, no matter how strong her curiosity, violate his privacy like that. So with one last glance to make sure he was comfortable, she turned and walked out of his bedroom.

Calleigh went back to the kitchen and set the timer on the coffee maker so a pot of his favorite Cubano would be ready when Eric awoke in the morning. He never _needed_ coffee or caffeine to start his day quite like she herself did, but she knew tomorrow would be an exception. She set his favorite mug next to the pot and turned the light off.

One last glance around the apartment told her that everything was in order, so she walked towards the front door to let herself out. She hadn't thought much of the box she saw sitting in the hall until she walked past it, and a glimpse of deep green caught her attention. She knew immediately what it was.

Calleigh lifted the partially open flaps of the box to reveal what had caught her eye…the silky forest green robe that Eric had given her last Christmas. He'd told her that he picked that color because he knew it would make her eyes look even more beautiful. He never failed to tell her how much he loved her in that robe. He never failed to _show_ her how much he loved her _out of_ that robe. Calleigh forced the thought out of her head, and looked at the other contents of the box. Her things were all very neatly folded and stacked in neat piles. That was Eric, she thought. Some guys in his situation might have, in their anger or despair, haphazardly tossed the items in the box without care for their condition. Eric was different. He had a good heart, and it seemed to know no bounds.

Calleigh closed the flaps of the box and wondered about the reason why the box was here. Could it be because he had packed it and just couldn't bring himself to give it to her? Maybe he had only just collected the items and hadn't had time to tell her? Could the process of gathering her things have been the catalyst for tonight's 'date with the bottle'? Whatever the situation, she figured she'd save him the awkwardness of having to make the delivery, so she lifted the box off the floor and walked towards the door with it.

As Calleigh opened the front door, she turned around and gave one last glance around the apartment. She couldn't help but hope that this wouldn't be the last time she'd be here, but if it was, she had the strange need to commit the sight to memory. She didn't want to forget. She flicked off the light and locked the door as she left.

When Calleigh got in her car and looked at the time on the dashboard clock that read 4:13 a.m., she debated if she should even try to get any sleep when she got home. She'd have to be up to get ready for work soon anyway. She didn't debate long, for she knew it was useless -after tonight's events there was no way sleep would ever find her this morning.


	6. Chapter 6

_Thanks again to those of you who keep reviewing this story. Your kind words always make me smile.  
Again, these characters in no way belong to me. If they did, this story wouldn't need to be taking place to begin with. :)_

**Chapter 6**

Eric slowly started entering the realm of consciousness, and he knew immediately that this wasn't going to be a good day. He hadn't even opened his eyes yet and his head was pounding. He was actually _afraid_ to open his eyes, as he knew that any headache this bad would surely be accompanied by an acute sensitivity to light. He squinted and barely lifted his lids, only to find it was still completely dark and therefore safe to let himself open his eyes fully.

Eric lay there for a few minutes and stared at the ceiling. He was having some trouble remembering what exactly the events were that brought him to this particular moment – lying in his bed fully clothed with the mother of all headaches that he knew this time wasn't associated with having had a bullet lodged in his brain.

He sat up in his bed, slowly, very slowly, and scolded himself, "Think, Delko…THINK!" He remembered leaving work and going to Duffy's. He remembered consuming a fair number of concoctions that consisted of a little Coke and a lot of Jack Daniels. He faintly remembered handing his keys to the bartender who he'd spilled his guts out to. The rest of the night was hazy at best.

Eric pondered the thought of how on earth he got home as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. He looked at the clock to see that it was almost 5:30 a.m., only a few hours before he had to report to work. He felt like there were little men marching around and banging on drums in his head. All this thinking was making them march faster and bang harder. He needed aspirin and he needed it now. He gingerly rose to go fetch the hopeful cure when he noticed the nightstand.

Eric stared confusedly at the items on the bedside table, knowing full well he hadn't put them there himself. He quickly grabbed the bottle of aspirin, shook several out into his palm, popped them in his mouth and swallowed them down with a long swig of water from the glass that had been left there. Then he noticed the note. He picked it up, and even in the dark, his eyes registered the handwriting, and suddenly he knew how he'd made it home last night. Calleigh.

Taking the note with him, Eric headed to the kitchen. He needed coffee, though he wasn't sure that would help him handle whatever this note had to tell him. He rounded the corner to the kitchen, and the smell of his strong, aromatic Cuban blend assaulted his senses. At first he thought it was quite the wishful thinking on his part, until he realized that on the counter before him sat a full, freshly brewed pot of caffinated heaven. She'd thought of that too. Eric poured himself a cup, turned on the dim light over the stove and leaned against the counter and began to read.

_Eric,  
__I figured your memory might be unclear and I didn't want you to be confused…  
__The bartender from Duffy's called me. He'd found my number as an emergency contact in your phone. You were in no state to drive, and he was afraid you wouldn't make it home safely in a cab, so I came to get you. Your car is still there, but I can help you go get it at lunch today if you want. Just let me know.  
__I know you're probably upset, but please don't be. I'm just glad I was able to get you home, in one piece, safe and sound. __Take some aspirin, there should be some Cubano ready in the kitchen, and if you need to, take the day off. Tell Horatio you're sick. He won't hear a word otherwise from me.  
__Take care of yourself, Eric. And please know if you need anything, I'm here. Always.  
__Cal_

So many emotions enveloped Eric as he read Calleigh's neatly printed words. The strongest of those was shame. Though, no, maybe shame wasn't exactly the right way to describe it. He went to that bar last night knowing _exactly_ what he was doing. His plan was to drink himself silly, to forget about his messed up life for a while, and he'd accomplished that. He wasn't ashamed, what he felt more was regret. Regret not for allowing himself the escape, but for the fact that it was Calleigh who'd had to come and rescue him from it. She had spent her whole life having to rescue her father from similar situations and it was never Eric's intention to make her do the same for him. He felt horrible for making her go there again.

Calleigh put up a strong façade for those around her, but dealing with her father's alcoholism was a struggle for her. She'd been forced to grow up faster than any child should, and she'd had to play the role of the adult and caretaker at a far younger age than she ever should have. She'd never admit it to herself, he knew, for Calleigh didn't admit to weakness, but Eric knew without a doubt that her relationship issues in her adult life directly related to her father and her unfortunate childhood.

And therein stood the problem. Eric knew that Calleigh still cared about him. Proof of that fact was in the way she obviously took care of him last night. And not just last night, but every day - her gestures, the way she looked at him and spoke to him – he _knew_ that she still loved him; he felt it with every bone in his body. But she'd never had anyone in her life that stuck around, who was truly there for her, and she didn't have the ability to let herself believe that someone _could be _that for her. So when he'd tripped up and made a few mistakes, she'd clung to those and allowed her fear to take over. Instead of being able to forgive him and move past it, she ran. She used his lapses in judgment as an excuse and hid behind her inner demons. And Eric knew now that as long as those demons remained within her, he'd never have a chance.

What was an even harder pill for Eric to swallow was the fact that Calleigh didn't pull away from him completely. She still wanted him to be a part of her life. In his eyes, he believed that she wanted and needed the closeness they'd shared in the past, but also needed to protect her heart by keeping it at arms length. Eric just couldn't do that. He couldn't just be a _little_ close to her. There was no way he could be near her now and not offer up his heart to her completely, and want for her to do the same. A long time ago, he would have given anything to have what Calleigh wanted between them right now. He'd have cherished every little bit that he could get. He wished he could go back to that, but things were different now. They'd shared too much, he'd felt too much, and he couldn't go back. Now, it was all or nothing. He'd prefer all, but it was obvious that Calleigh didn't feel the same way he did.

Leaving the note on the counter, Eric clutched his mug and turned to head back and get himself ready for the day. She'd wanted him to take the day off, but he couldn't do that. Sitting at home alone with nothing to do but think would be worse for him than suffering from the effects of his hangover at work. He took a longer shower than usual, hoping the hot steam would help carry away the toxins from his body. It helped – a little. He called for a cab and finished up another mug of coffee, and by the time he was ready to leave, his head contained fewer of the stomping men and pounding drums, and he felt significantly less groggy. Thank God for the little blessings.

Walking out the front door, Eric suddenly realized that the box that had been on the hall floor yesterday was no longer there. She must have taken it last night. While he was grateful that she'd saved him from the uncomfortable situation of having to bring it to her, there was something else. Eric walked to the cab that waited for him outside, shuddering at the feeling that overtook him, again. He was, plainly and simply, heartbroken. Despite the fact that he'd tried to escape it last night; despite the fact that Calleigh had in fact been there for him last night, or maybe not despite it, but because of it. The ache in his heart remained, and Eric only wished he knew how long it would stay there.


	7. Chapter 7

_Once again, thanks to all who reviewed Chapter 6. Such an ego boost you have provided to the newbie!  
I still own nothing recognizable. Nurse Bennett does belong to me, though :)  
Decided to take a look at things from someone else's perspective in this chapter.  
Happy Reading! ~Jen_

**Chapter 7**

Horatio Caine stood inconspicuously hidden in one of the Miami crime lab's interrogation rooms, silently observing. His brother-in-law, a man who'd come to be one of the people in his life that he treasured most dearly, was working in the Fingerprints lab down the hall. Though upon close inspection, 'working' might not have exactly been the word he would have used to describe Eric's activity at this given moment.

Just as it had been no secret to anyone else in the lab, Horatio was fully aware of the relationship that had transpired between the man he was currently watching and his very own second-in-command. He was pretty sure he had known that they were madly in love with each other long before they ever figured it out. He had known from his very first encounter with Calleigh that she was a force to be reckoned with, and over the years he'd come to care for her like family. He'd handpicked Eric for this job, convincing him to attend the Police Academy and then join his CSI team, and later he had _literally_ become family when he'd married Eric's sister, Marisol.

Horatio had witnessed the chemistry between Eric and Calleigh from the very beginning; he knew Eric had had a crush on Calleigh since the first day he met her. He was, after all, in the wings watching in the parking garage on that day, Calleigh's very first day, when Eric had tried to put the moves on her and she'd shot him down. He didn't know then what would become of them, but he'd certainly watched their relationship bloom slowly through the years.

Calleigh had always been the first to defend Eric during his rookie days when he'd make a stupid mistake; back when he'd let his 'playboy' ways interfere with his dedication to his job. Eric became Calleigh's little project – she was determined to make a good CSI out of him, and though he stumbled some along the way, he ultimately did her proud. Horatio knew that her belief in Eric was probably the biggest reason the young man had flourished in his new job.

It wasn't until a few years later, during his trip with Eric to Rio to be exact, that Horatio had sensed something else brewing between the two. Horatio had left Calleigh in charge when he left, and though he hadn't specifically told her that the plan was to avenge Marisol's death, she knew and she expressed some concern for his safety. When he'd told her that Eric would accompany him on the trip, Calleigh's concern took on a whole new dimension, and she'd begged them not to go. And when Calleigh had called Horatio when she discovered that Eric's cell signal had become untraceable, he heard the worry in her voice. He knew it wasn't simply the worry of a concerned co-worker. There was something more.

And if Horatio had still had any remaining doubts as to the feelings of his two most senior CSIs, they completely got squashed the day Eric got shot. Calleigh was completely devastated upon finding out the news, and she became a permanent fixture at Eric's bedside. In those first days after the horrible event, she would spend practically every moment at the hospital with him when she wasn't working. Calleigh didn't think Horatio knew, but he'd witnessed it with his very own eyes. He thought back to that night at the hospital…he had gone to visit Eric one night after a very long shift.

_He stopped just short of entering the hospital room, the scene inside catching his attention. Through the narrow window in the door, he could see Eric asleep, but restlessly thrashing around in the bed. Calleigh stood beside him, gently whispering to ease him out of his sleep, one hand dabbing at his sweat-drenched face and neck with a wet cloth, the other hand clutching his larger hand tightly against her. Horatio smiled as he watched Eric awaken and begin to settle down, but then he was startled by the sudden_ _presence of a nurse standing immediately beside him, peering in at the same scene he was watching. _

_The nurse softly smiled at him and introduced herself as Audrey Bennett, one of the night shift RNs for the ICU. She motioned to the room. "Sweet, isn't it? Thank God for her!" Horatio looked at the stocky woman beside him with question in his eyes as she continued. "The poor guy, he has nightmares. Bad ones. Wakes up screaming, in cold sweats. Not surprising for a fella who took a bullet to the head, I guess. She's here every night, though, bless her heart. His monitors go off the charts when he has one of his dreams, but we don't even go in anymore, because we can't calm him. Not like she can. We'd try, but he'd just get even more worked up and we'd have to administer sedatives in his i.v. Then one time, instead of asking her to step aside, we let her try to comfort him, and by golly, one look at her and his heart rate immediately lowered, his breathing slowed. It took only minutes, no meds necessary. So now when we see his vitals spike, we just walk over to be sure, but by the time we get to the door and peek in, she's usually got it under control." _

_Horatio looked back in the room as he listened, and sure enough Eric now lay calmly in the bed, eyes closed, hand still wrapped up in Calleigh's two smaller ones. Horatio looked back to Audrey, who snickered a little as she told him, "That one there, you don't wanna mess with her. We don't usually allow people who aren't family stay overnight. But she wouldn't take no for an answer. Oh no, she's a stubborn one!" He smiled inside, knowing full well the degree of stubbornness that the petite woman beyond that door possessed. _

_Audrey stepped away from the door, content in knowing that her patient was well. She placed her hand on Horatio's forearm, and leaned in to let him in on a little secret. "We don't mind making an exception for her, ya know. It's good for his recovery. And they're so close, they might as well be family anyway." Horatio looked down at the kind woman and asked, "Does she really stay here all night?" Audrey's eyes twinkled as she replied, "Yes sir, she sure does. Leaves every morning at 4:30 a.m. Says she has to go get ready for work. I know she can't get very much good sleep in that uncomfortable chair there, but we couldn't force her away if we tried. He's pretty special to her."_

_Horatio backed away from the door and turned towards Audrey, extending his hand to her. "I assure you, Nurse Bennett, she's pretty special to him also. And they're _both_ very special to me. Take care of them for me, will you?" She firmly returned his handshake, gave him a wink and answered with a delightfully southern," You know it!" She looked around before she leaned in close to him and added softly, "Don't tell anyone, but us girls on the night shift will secretly be sad when Mr. Delko has recovered and leaves us, because we see those two as our real life romance novel. We never knew that love like that existed in real life. It's kinda hard to tear your eyes away from, ya know? We're gonna miss those sweet kids!"_

Horatio broke himself out of his thoughts. He'd forgone a visit that night in favor of giving Eric and Calleigh some privacy. That was the first time he knew, without a doubt, that there was something very deep and real about the bond they shared. That bond only grew stronger over the years. He was honestly surprised it had taken them as long as it had to get together. So many times one or the other had faced life threatening situations, and he'd thought they'd get their collective rear ends in gear; that they'd realize that in this line of work, tomorrow is never a guarantee so being happy and living for today was crucial. While they had taken their sweet time to reach that point, Horatio felt their journey had made them stronger – both as individuals and as a couple.

As Horatio glanced down the hall at Eric, who was still struggling to focus on the 10 card in front of him, he wondered where things had gone horribly wrong. He had no idea what had happened to the couple, but over the past weeks he'd seen the sadness that had pervaded their workspace. Eric and Calleigh had always displayed nothing but professionalism at work, and now was no different. To the casual observer, no one would notice a thing was wrong. But Horatio was not a casual observer, and he could see below the surface. Their body language spoke volumes. They didn't argue and they didn't avoid each other like the plague. They were just…distant, both physically and emotionally. The spark, the electricity was gone. Neither of them had come to him to discuss the situation, though, and he didn't have a clue how he could even attempt to help them. He felt so useless.

Horatio had noticed immediately that morning when Eric arrived that he was on the verge of a particularly rough day. The bloodshot eyes and the dark circles under his eyes were just a few outward signs of what had no doubt been a difficult night. While Eric was never one to shirk his duties, and would never agree to a suggestion that maybe he should take the day off, Horatio knew that today he needed to cut the man some slack. So he'd sent Calleigh and Ryan on the first call-out of the day, and then Walter and Natalia on the next, and he kept Eric at the lab, finishing up some loose ends and paperwork on some older cases. Eric had seemed to appreciate the gesture, and quietly retreated the Prints lab, where he'd remained for the bulk of the morning.

His attention suddenly drawn away from Eric by a knock on the glass wall he was standing behind, Horatio looked over to find Detective Frank Tripp waiting with a suspect they needed to interrogate. He nodded his head for them to come in, and gave one last concerned look towards Eric. He cared about Eric, and Calleigh, a great deal and it was so hard to see them hurting. He only hoped that whatever their issues were, they could work through them soon, because those were two people who were honestly and truly meant to be together. They'd been through too much together to lose each other now. Frank looked in the direction of Horatio's stare, crossed his arms and approached the Lieutenant. "Trouble in paradise, huh? Kinda sad if you ask me. Do you know what happened?" Horatio thoughtfully looked at the ground in front of him and shook his head. "I don't know, Francis…I don't know."

A moment later, Horatio turned to the man who'd just been escorted into the room, and with his signature sideways glare, he sighed and stated, "Mr. O'Neill…Mr. O'Neill, we have some questions for you…"

* * *

_A/N 1: Yay to CBS for finally finding some new ways to utilize Calleigh this week. Granted, you can tell Emily's preggo, but we all know anyway. At least she was out in the field, standing up, playing with guns, doing SOMEthing other than sitting behind a table! :)_

_A/N 2: I know, I know, I keep promising to bring out the 'happy' in this story. And it will get there eventually, I do promise that. There's just angsty ideas that keep grabbing me and not letting go, so I just have to go with the 'sad' for a while. If you really want some instant gratification though, check out a new story I posted the other day, Unexpected Catharsis. You'll find 'happy' and 'sweet' and and even a little 'romantic' over there. ;)_


	8. Chapter 8

_Thanks again to all you kind people who reviewed the last chapter! You keep me keepin' on!  
Onward we go..._

**Chapter 8**

He'd been reading the same file for who knows how long when Eric realized that he really was getting nowhere and could obviously use a break. Putting the files and evidence he'd been working on safely away for the time being, Eric removed his lab coat and headed towards the break room. He was so thankful that Horatio had decided not to send him out in the field today. He knew his boss, and realized that it was in all likelihood not a coincidence that Horatio chose today to ask Eric to catch up on his open cases. He chuckled under his breath when he thought about how awful he must look to have prompted Horatio to make that move.

Finding nothing appealing in the refrigerator, Eric walked over to the coffee maker, figuring some hot coffee and a little caffeine would probably do him some good right now. He put in a new filter and added water and a scoop of his strong-scented blend, then started the machine. He decided to have a seat on the couch while he waited for the pot to brew. He rested his head on the back of the couch, thinking that if he closed his eyes for _just_ a minute…

Twenty minutes later, Eric was drawn from his unintentional nap by a soft, sweet voice.

"Errrric…" she drawled in singsong tone. Finally his eyes opened to find, of all people, Calleigh standing before him with a crack of a smile on her face, holding out a steaming hot mug of Cubano. Eric quickly sat up, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. "Oh, hey Calleigh. Uh, I don't know what happened. I must have just dozed off there for a bit. Sorry." He reached out and took the mug from her outstretched hands.

Calleigh just grinned as she walked back towards the counter where the coffee pot was located. "No need to apologize to me, Eric. How we all spend our breaks is nobody else's business. Besides, I think you needed it." She gestured to the still full carafe in the coffee maker. "Do you mind if I have some?" He shook his head and answered, "No, go ahead. Help yourself." Eric thought back to the days when she never had to ask for his permission. It was just a given that she'd pour herself some, as she was the only one he willingly shared his special treat with.

Moments passed and Calleigh sat silently at the table with her mug and the granola bar she'd brought to snack on while Eric, lost in his thoughts, stared blankly at the floor in front of his feet. The awkward silence that filled the room became overwhelming, and Eric knew he had to break it – he just wasn't sure how. Finally he decided that stalling was doing him no good, so he steeled himself, looked at her and stated, "Listen Calleigh, about last night. I'm sorry."

She shook her head lightly. "Eric, you don't have to be sorry. I really didn't…" He cut her off abruptly before she could finish. "No, I do have to apologize. I never meant for you to have to come out like that. I know what it was like for you…well, you know, with your dad and all…I just never meant for you to get dragged out of bed like that in the middle of the night because of _me_."

"It's fine, Eric. Don't even think about it, okay? It was no big deal. I was just glad I could help you out." Calleigh stared at him with what was most probably a look of concern for someone she considered to be a friend, though what Eric saw was a look of pity. He certainly didn't need her pity. He got up from the couch and walked to the sink. He wasn't yet finished with the coffee in his cup, but he needed to be out of her line of sight more than he needed that damn drink. He poured the bitter liquid down the drain and tried not to think about how that action seemed like a metaphor for his very own life right now. He braced himself against the counter and addressed Calleigh once again.

"Well regardless of any of that, I'm still sorry. It shouldn't have happened. And I, uh, I don't really remember much about what happened. I don't remember you even being there. So if I said or did anything…inappropriate…I'm sorry about that too."

It was silent, and Eric knew Calleigh was waiting for him to look at her before she spoke. But he just couldn't, so he let the silence continue. Finally Calleigh gave in. "You didn't, Eric. You were pretty far gone. You didn't say much at all, really." She didn't have the heart to tell him that the two coherent sentences that he did mutter had hit her so hard that they kept her from getting even one iota of sleep last night.

Eric wasn't sure if she'd spoken the truth, or if Calleigh was just trying to save him from the embarrassment of knowing what he might have really done or said. If she was lying, he wasn't sure he even wanted to know the truth anyway, so he accepted her answer at face value and moved on, hoping to wrap this conversation up soon.

He turned around and noticed that his cell phone was still sitting on the cushion of the couch, so he walked over to grab it. He glanced over to Calleigh as he held the phone in his hands, realizing with a laugh that this little device had played quite a roll in creating the tense situation he was now caught up in. As he placed it back in his pocket, he stuck his hands in his pockets as well and offered Calleigh one more apology.

"I, um, didn't realize that I left your number in there as my emergency contact. I just never thought about it. I'm sorry. But don't worry, I changed it. So I promise you won't be bothered with any more calls like last night's."

Calleigh hated this feeling – she felt like she was losing her friendship with Eric piece by agonizing little piece. "No apologies are necessary. You know, I meant what I said in that note I left you. I care about you, Eric. You needed help last night, and I was more than happy to be able to provide it. And I will always be there, night or day. Nothing will ever change that. You don't have to change your phone – that part…of us…doesn't have to change."

Eric looked at Calleigh in shock. He really couldn't understand why she just didn't 'get it.' He sighed, consciously trying to control his tone and his volume as he told her, "Yeah, Calleigh, it _does_ have to change. You see, there isn't an "us" anymore. That changes everything. And that means that my problems…I'm just…I'm not your responsibility anymore."

His words tore at her heart, and she wasn't sure if the wound would be any deeper or more painful even if he had plunged a sharp metal blade into her chest. Not that she felt like he was intentionally trying to hurt her, because she didn't think that at all. Her hurt was born of his own hurt; his feeling that he honestly didn't believe he could count on her anymore. She closed her eyes and tried with all her might to hold back the tears that so desperately wanted to spring forth. Clinging to a modicum of self-control, she opened her eyes to find him uncomfortably shuffling his feet. Softly, almost under her breath, she murmured, "Eric, I never felt like I was being 'held responsible.' I was there because I wanted to be, not because I felt _forced_ to be."

Eric sighed deeply, running his hand back and forth over the top of his head. "That's not what I meant…that's not how I meant for it to sound, Calleigh. I'm sorry. Its just…things _are_ different now. I guess it's just gonna take some time for both of us to get used to it."

Needing to get away from her, Eric looked out the door and pointed to the hallway as he mumbled, "I, uh, I should get back to work." As he moved towards the door, he was stopped in his tracks by Calleigh's pleading voice. "Eric, wait…" He closed his eyes, just wishing he was back in his lab – even blankly staring at 10 cards was better than _this_.

He heard the sound of her heels against the linoleum floor as she neared him. He steeled himself and turned around to find her not at all looking like the confident Calleigh he knew so well. Her voice was hesitant. "I think…" She nibbled on her lower lip as she tried to find the right words. "…I think that we may have to agree to disagree on the idea that _every_thing has to change. But I don't think now is the time for a discussion on that."

She suddenly stood firmly before him, seemingly having gained a little of her confidence back. She looked at him without a doubt in her eyes. "I _do_ know this, though…you, sir, have a car to pick up, and I'm going to take you to go get it now."

Eric shook his head vehemently. "No, Calleigh, that's okay. I'll get Wolfe to…"

She quickly interrupted. "I happen to know that Ryan is still back at our crime scene with Frank, interviewing witnesses. I don't think he'll be back here any time soon. Walter and Natalia are still out on a case. Horatio texted me a while ago to say that he'd be in court the rest of the afternoon. That leaves me, Eric."

Just as he was about to open his mouth to speak, she cut him off with a sharp, "And no, you won't call a cab. There's no need to waste money on that when I have a perfectly good car that can take you there for free."

Eric was trying to think of any way possible to avoid this situation. "You don't have to Calleigh, it's okay. I'm sure you have evidence from your case to process. I really can call a cab later." One look at Calleigh, though, and he knew he wasn't winning this argument. Hands on her hips, she looked him straight in the eye. "I can't do anything on my case till I get results back from DNA on my evidence. I have plenty of time. Go grab your keys and meet me at the Hummer." She turned on her heel and was suddenly gone, with Eric left wondering how it was she always managed to get whatever she wanted. Every time.

Eric retrieved his keys from his locker and exited the building to find Calleigh already waiting for him inside the Hummer in the circular lot at the front of the building. They spent the majority of the drive discussing the finer points of the homicide she'd been called out to earlier in the morning. Suspects, witnesses, motives, murder weapons – topics all safe from emotions and feelings. Eric had begun to think that maybe this ride had turned out better than he'd been expecting it would. His hopes were dashed as Calleigh pulled up to a red light, just around the corner from Duffy's.

"Eric, are you okay?" Her voice was etched with concern; concern which Eric tried to ignore. "I'm fine, Calleigh." How many times had she heard _that_ phrase escape from her own lips? Knowing full well the implication behind the words, she asked again, "Are you _really_ okay though?"

Eric shifted in his seat, now aggravated that he'd let himself be held captive by Calleigh in this vehicle. She knew what she was doing, and she'd probably methodically planned this whole chain of events out in her head. He furrowed his brow and threw her a glare that he hoped would convey the message that he was not going to talk about this with her right now. It didn't seem to faze her, and she shrugged her shoulders as she turned back to the road when the light turned green.

"It's just that I just have a little bit of experience with this kind of thing, and usually people who are 'fine' don't go drinking themselves into a stupor. I'm just worried about you, Eric. Last night was so out of character for you. In all the time I've known you, I've never known you to drink so much that you'd pass out. I was just concerned, that's all."

Somehow, Eric let his temper get the best of him and he lashed out at Calleigh. "So what, you wanna psycho-analyze me now? I had a bad day, okay Calleigh? I had a really bad day; I needed to get away from…everything. For one night. So I drank. A lot. I wasn't irresponsible; I gave my keys to someone when I knew it would be unsafe for me to drive. I didn't hook up with random women, or lose my badge. I'm not an alcoholic, Calleigh, and I haven't fallen back into my old womanizing ways. I just needed a night where I could forget, so I went to a practically empty bar and poured my guts out to a guy I don't know and drowned myself in Jack Daniels. Did it make me feel better? Not really. And it probably won't ever happen again. But last night, it was just something I needed, so I did it, okay?"

Calleigh pulled into the almost vacant lot across from Duffy's and parked next to Eric's car as a stream of tears slowly fell down her cheeks. She and Eric had had arguments in the past, but never had he spoken to her with such anger, such venom in his words. This time, his intent _was_ to hurt, and he had succeeded. Very rarely was Calleigh speechless, but in this moment, she could think of nothing to say to him. She closed her eyes and wished she had just let him figure out his own way to get his car back. Her plan had failed epically. This definitely hadn't been worth the trouble.

Eric looked over at Calleigh and immediately regretted his little rant. He'd made her cry, and Calleigh Duquesne didn't do the crying thing. As upset as he was, he'd gone too far and knew he needed to apologize. This day just couldn't seem to get any worse.

"Cal, listen…I'm sorry, okay. I was out of line. I'm upset, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you like that. Truth is, I'm struggling…this break-up…I just, I need time. And I can't talk to _you_ about it. I'm sorry. Last night, it was just something I needed. It won't happen again. But I'll be okay, eventually. I'm sure I will. So thank you for helping me out last night, and I appreciate you helping me out here to get my car today. I'm sorry I was a such a jerk, okay?"

Quickly wiping away the tears from her face, Calleigh offered him a quiet "Okay." She was still hurt, but his apology had lessened the sting of his harsh words. She sniffled and looked at Eric, who now held considerably less rage in his eyes than he had a few minutes ago. "I hope you're not upset that I took the box of my stuff from your place last night. I didn't purposely go looking through it, it's just the box wasn't closed and I happened to see, uh, my robe in there, then realized the whole box was full of my things."

"Of course not, Calleigh. It's _your_ stuff. I thought there might be things you needed in there. I just hadn't had a chance to bring it to the lab and give it to you yet." He knew his statement was partly a lie – more than worrying about if she really needed any of those things, he'd really just needed to get her things out of his sight. He needn't have lied though, for she knew the truth as well.

Suddenly, Calleigh remembered something and she reached into the backseat, producing a box expertly wrapped in brightly colored wrapping paper, tied with beautiful pink ribbons. She handed the box to Eric. Taken by surprise, he looked questioningly at her. "You know it's not my birthday, Calleigh." She laughed genuinely. "I know, it's for Ari. I saw the picture of her and Bella and Nic in your living room, and I figured it must have been from Ari's party. I had bought this for her before, and well…I didn't get to go to the party. Can you give it to her for me?"

Eric picked up on the tone of regret in Calleigh's voice. He knew she really enjoyed spending time with his family, and his nieces absolutely adored her. He fingered a piece of the curled ribbon, pulling on it and letting it bounce back, over and over. A sad smile crept onto his face. "Yeah, of course I'll give it to her. The girls, they uh, they ask about you a lot. They miss you." He shook his head. "_Everyone misses you,_" he thought, as he reached into his back pocket to extract his wallet. He opened the folded leather flaps and pulled out a small photo and handed it to Calleigh. She looked down to see it was a picture of Bella, all decked out in her soccer gear, made to look like a trading card. She smiled as she turned it over to read Bella's 'stats,' and traced her finger over the two words Bella had printed on the bottom – "Tia Calleigh."

Eric pointed to the card, "She wanted you to have it. She was excited to give it to you herself, but…well I told her I'd make sure you got it. I forgot I had it in my wallet."

Calleigh stared at the beautiful little girl in the photo, her big brown eyes reminding her so much of Eric's. "I miss her too. I miss all of them." Her sad eyes found Eric's, and she whispered, "Will you tell them…that I miss them?" She held the little photo to her chest. "Tell Bella that I love this and I'll keep it on my fridge so I can see it every day, and tell Ari that I'm sorry I missed her party."

Eric sighed wistfully, and told her, "Yeah. Yeah, I'll tell them." He looked out the window towards his car, then back to Calleigh. "Well, I should go…if H knew how long my break was today, he'd kill me. And I know you hate to keep your evidence waiting." She nodded her head in agreement, and Eric turned to open his door. Before stepping out, he turned back to Calleigh one last time. "Listen, I really am sorry about before. And uh, thanks. See ya later." He'd gotten out and closed the door before she could even answer. She watched as he got in his car, fastened his seatbelt and backed his car out without so much as a glance back at her. He was gone before she could even gather her thoughts.

Calleigh's emotions were all over the place. Looking down at the picture she still held in her hands, she tried not to think about all the times she'd imagined cradling a baby with those same chocolate brown eyes as the ones in the photo. She'd never pondered the idea of having children, not before Eric. He'd changed all that. So often during the past year her daydreams had been consumed by visions of what she and Eric's children might look like. Sometimes they had straight blonde hair, other times they had beautiful dark ringlets; sometimes they had her porcelain skin, other times they had his darker caramel coloring. But one thing never changed, they always…ALWAYS…had his big, expressive, beautiful brown eyes.

Calleigh set the photo down and maneuvered the Hummer out of the parking lot. During her ride back to PD, her mind was consumed with new visions – visions of what her future would be like without those gorgeous brown eyes, both real and imagined, to get lost in. That future suddenly seemed a lot more empty…lonely…and sad as that made her, she wasn't sure there was a thing she could do about it now.

Once back at the lab, Eric and Calleigh got wrapped up in their respective caseloads and didn't see each other again for the rest of the day. Eric thanked his lucky stars for the fact, while Calleigh, she wasn't sure how she felt. He had hurt her earlier with his comments, but despite that, the conversation they'd had about his family had given her a sliver of hope that maybe things for them could turn around. It was the first time they'd talked about anything non-work related in a very long time. She chose to cling to that sliver, because right now, she felt it was all she really had to hold onto.

* * *

A/N: It may be a while before I get the chance to update. Had a death in the family this past weekend, and with the Holidays fast approaching and the prerequisite shopping, wrapping, partying, etc., etc., well you know what that's like. But I'm certainly not abandoning the story. I still have more to say! Or at least, to make Calleigh and Eric say, haha...


	9. Chapter 9

_Thanks again to all my wonderful reviewers! This wouldn't be as much fun without you!  
Reminder, I don't own CSI:Miami or any of it's characters. They're just detouring on this journey with me for a little while before they head back to CBS._

**Chapter 9**

Days turned into weeks, which turned into a month, and not a whole lot changed at Miami Dade PD. The bad guys still found new and inventive ways to break the law, and the good guys still stepped up and provided justice in the wake of the tragedies. Gossip about 'the relationship gone wrong' died down considerably, mostly because it became apparent that the answers to everyone's 'hows' and 'whys' were going to remain unanswered.

Horatio had discovered that although Eric and Calleigh worked adequately enough together, it was better to try to pair them up with different people when possible. They never asked him to, they were too professional. But he could see how difficult it was for each of them to be around the other with whatever problems they had hanging over their heads. So he did what he could, when he could.

Eric was doing his best to move on. It still wasn't easy, but one thing helped considerably: Calleigh had stopped trying to force the shadow of their former friendship on him. He thought she finally grasped the fact that they could no longer be what they used to be, and he was wholly grateful for it.

In reality, Calleigh had not given up hope of finding some of what she and Eric used to share. She'd just accepted that he needed more time, and was willing to give him that. Pressing the issue had gotten her nowhere, so she was content to let things settle down for now. Eventually, things would work themselves out. That's what she chose to believe; it's what she had to believe, because the alternative was unacceptable.

/EC/

Calleigh was feeling good. She walked out of the interrogation room with a satisfied grin on her face. It had taken almost two hours, but she'd just royally broken that suspect down. He'd started off all smug and confident, but he'd had no idea what he was in for. One of her biggest assets when dealing with suspects was that they always, _always _underestimated her. None of them ever expected the tiny blonde cop to be the pit bull that she was when it came to interrogation tactics. Mr. Julio Sanchez had been no different. She'd twisted and turned every word that had come out of his mouth – every lie, every excuse, every alibi – and in the end had him so confused and angry that he confessed everything she'd hoped he would, and then some. Not only did they now know that he had in fact committed the crime, but he'd also given up his accomplice and offered up the hiding place where they stored their arsenal of weapons. "_Stick a fork in him_," she thought, "_he's done_!" Nothing like a good confession and a dangerous criminal or two off the streets to start a week off on the right foot.

Remembering that her cell phone had vibrated while she was tied up with Mr. Sanchez, she unclipped it from her waist to check the message. "_I recovered the round from this morning's D.B. Holding it for you - Victoria_." Dr. Victoria Mercier was usually the swing shift M.E. for Miami Dade, but when Dr. Loman was absent, she filled in on the day shift for him. Tom was currently away in St. Louis at a seminar for which he'd been asked to be a speaker. He might have been a slightly odd character, but he was one of the best in his field, and was often requested to speak at universities and at seminars across the country. Victoria had proven to be a more than competent replacement.

Calleigh made her way to the elevator and headed down to the morgue, excited to retrieve the important piece of evidence waiting for her. As she approached the doors to the autopsy theatre, she came to a stop. Looking through the window, she could see that Victoria already had another visitor – Eric. They were currently both hunched over a victim who was laid out on one of the cold metal tables. Eric's brows were furrowed in concentration, and they were deep in conversation about whatever it was they were observing. Calleigh stood to the side and quietly watched them for a while.

Watching Eric work had been one of Calleigh's secret hobbies when they were together. He was so dedicated to his job; always put his complete effort into whatever activity he was engaged in. That look of concentration, eyes completely focused on the task at hand – she'd always found him incredibly sexy in those moments. If she were honest, she'd be hard pressed to find any moments when she _didn't_ find him incredibly sexy, but she was trying to remind herself she couldn't think that way anymore.

Calleigh was startled from her thoughts when Eric suddenly stood completely upright, looking at the M.E. standing across from him with a victorious smile on his face - a smile that stretched from ear to ear and made his eyes twinkle; a smile the likes of which Calleigh hadn't seen in a very long time.

He'd found something. Something she knew was going to help him with his case somehow. She caught herself grinning as she felt a wave of pride wash over her. Eric was damn good at what he did, and she was proud of the CSI he'd become. And more than that, she was happy to see that smile grace his face. Despite all that had happened, he deserved to be happy, and that's the first time she'd seen him look genuinely happy since this whole mess started.

But the feeling that bombarded Calleigh next was slightly unexpected. As pleased as it made her to see Eric happy, there was another less than pleasant feeling that overpowered that joy – one she quickly identified as jealousy. She was shocked at how undeniably jealous she felt as she stood there watching someone _else_ put that smile on Eric's face, knowing that she herself hadn't been able to do the same in months. And that hurt her to the core. Making Eric smile had always been easy for Calleigh. From the very beginning, even when he was in the lowest of his downtimes, she'd never had to work very hard at it. A playful wink, a seductive grin, or a soft sweet kiss was usually all she needed to cajole him into "turning his frown upside down." Things were different now though, and Calleigh could feel her insides churning at the thought that someone else seemed to have taken her place.

Calleigh noticed that Eric was about to wrap things up with Victoria, and didn't want to get caught spying on them, so she gathered herself, opened the door and entered the room. As she approached the two, Eric was already beginning to make his way to the door. "Hey Eric," she drawled sweetly. He glanced at her quickly and offered a simple "Hey" as he walked past her. As he reached the door, he turned around and excitedly addressed Victoria. "Thanks so much for helping me with this, Victoria. I think this will be enough to nail him. I'll let you know." Victoria nodded her head and offered him a kind smile, and with that he was gone.

Calleigh turned back from watching Eric leave to find Victoria leaned over the body on the table once again. She seemed deep in thought, and Calleigh couldn't help but notice the soft smile playing at her lips. She slowly approached the table, head tilted as she observed the woman before her.

"So did you guys just crack the case?" she asked. Victoria looked up at her, seemingly confused for a minute before she caught on and replied, "Oh, yeah…maybe. Was able to find some markings on the bone that indicate what kind of knife he was stabbed with. Eric seemed to think it substantiated one of his theories, so he's running with it."

It was pretty easy for Calleigh to see that tool marks and case theory weren't exactly what had put that smile on Victoria's face. As she was stewing over that thought, Victoria handed her a small plastic bag with a mangled bullet in it. "Here ya go, not exactly pristine, but I'm sure you can get something from it." Calleigh took the projectile from her, studying it already. She looked back up and thanked the M.E. and was about to leave when Victoria stopped her.

"Calleigh, can I ask you something?" Not sure she was liking where this was going, Calleigh tried to keep her voice level when she answered, "Sure." Victoria looked down, seemingly trying to find the right words, before looking back to Calleigh.

"Well, I'd heard that you and Eric used to be a couple. But some people said that you weren't together anymore. And, well…it's just, he's really sweet, and smart, and handsome. He just seems like a really good guy. And I'm kinda…umm…interested. But I work with both of you, so I don't want to step on any toes or anything. I would never go after another woman's man, so I guess I just wanted to make sure that what the others were saying was true, that you're really not together anymore."

Calleigh was fuming. If she were a cartoon, she imagined she'd probably have steam shooting out of her ears while her eyes popped out of her head. She quickly tried to control her anger, hoping desperately that her real life self would show no signs of looking like her imagined, animated self did. Deep down, she knew she had no right to be angry. Eric was a free man, she'd personally seen to that, and this wouldn't be the first or last woman to show interest in him. He was a good catch. At least Victoria was being honest and noble. She could have pursued Eric and not given a damn what Calleigh thought about it. Her rational side knew that. Her irrational side, well it was just pissed off. Pissed off at Victoria for being so bold; pissed off at Eric for letting Victoria be the one he offered his real smile to; pissed off at herself for letting things get to this point in the first place.

Calleigh tried to rein in all the thoughts swirling around her. She had to give Victoria an answer, and she knew she had to do it in a dignified and professional manner, even though secretly she wanted to hiss at her and tell her in so many words to stay away from her man. She realized immediately the significance of her initial, gut reaction. She couldn't deal with that right now, though. That was too complicated; involved too many emotions she still didn't think she could deal with. So silently, she took a deep breath to calm her nerves and answered Victoria in the kindest tone she could muster.

"I prefer to keep my private life exactly that…private. What happens outside of the office is really no one else's business, and I wish everyone would just respect that." Calleigh glanced down at the bullet she still held in her hands for a brief second, before returning her gaze to Victoria. "Eric is my best friend. We've been through a lot together. He will always be very special to me. Nothing will _ever_ change that." She held up the little bag in her hand, offered a friendly "Thank you for this" and left a slightly stunned Dr. Mercier in her wake.

Calleigh had in no way answered Victoria's question in a direct fashion. She never told the M.E. that no, she and Eric were no longer together. She couldn't bring herself to do so. She felt slightly less guilt than she could have, though, because she didn't tell her that they _were_ together either. Not one thing she said was a lie. She _did_ believe that Eric was her best friend, they _had _been through a lot together, and he _would_, forever and ever, hold a special place in her heart. Whether or not Eric reciprocated those feelings, well that was another story.

Calleigh was thankful that she was alone in the elevator as she headed back up to the lab. She was so confused. She was a grown woman, who'd made some very grown up decisions when it came to Eric. But now, in the midst of trying to figure out if those decisions had been the worst ones she'd ever made, she felt immature. She should have just told Victoria the truth, that Eric was in fact single, and fair game. She'd made sure of that herself. But no matter how much she knew what she _should_ have done, she couldn't actually bring herself to do it. That green-eyed monster called jealousy had grabbed hold of her and just wouldn't let go. She just couldn't live with the thought that Eric might actually find someone else and move on without her.

Once the elevator doors opened, Calleigh made a beeline for her Ballistics lab, and that's where she stayed for the remainder of the day. She processed the bullet Victoria had given her, and then worked on some reports for some other cases. She knew she couldn't handle seeing Eric again today, or anyone else for that matter.

In the morgue, Victoria got back to work, pondering the things Calleigh had said to her. While the blonde had definitely not answered her question in so many words, she _had_ solved Victoria's dilemma. Together or not, there were most obviously some unresolved issues between Calleigh and Eric. As interested as she was in the gorgeous CSI, she would go no further in pursuing him, for now at least. Eric and Calleigh needed time to work things out, or at the very least Calleigh did. And Calleigh Duquesne was not a woman who's bad side she wanted to be on, that's for sure. So Victoria decided to just back off for now. It's what was best for everyone involved. She just wondered exactly how much time they, or more specifically, Calleigh, would need.

* * *

A/N 1: Thanks to those who sent their best wishes reguarding the death in my family. My uncle was killed suddenly in a freak accident - much too soon, he was much too young. The kind thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

A/N 2: Can I just say, the "Happy Birthday" episode this week...omgosh! Calleigh holding the baby at the end - too too sweet. I can only imagine that was probably one of Emily's favorite scenes to do, ever, being so close to holding her own little angel like that! !  
And does Adam have something in his contract that he has to RUN in every ep? Don't get me wrong, running Eric, chasing down the bad guys is hot, but really...EVERY episode? Weird.


	10. Chapter 10

_Thanks to all who've taken the time to review. Each one is appreciated, and you give me the push I need to keep going!  
And still, nothing belongs to me but my storyline and a few supporting characters! If you recognize it, it's not mine!  
Now, on with the show..._

**Chapter 10**

Calleigh managed to get through the week without really having to face Eric. They'd seen each other in passing, but that was the extent of it. She was glad, for she was having some issues dealing with her newfound feelings of jealousy. Dr. Loman had returned, so Victoria had gone back to the swing shift. Calleigh was grateful for this fact, as it meant that she wouldn't have to run into any more scenes like the one in the morgue on Monday. She honestly did want to see Eric happy, but she couldn't let go of the fact that she simply couldn't handle if Eric's happiness occurred as a result of being with Victoria, or any other woman for that matter. She was angry with herself for feeling that way, but no matter how she tried to change her way of thinking, she couldn't. As loud as her brain screamed at her that she needed to let him go, her heart screamed even louder. It felt like it was scratching and clawing at her, insistent in its demand that she wake up and realize that Eric was hers, and no one else's.

This internal battle that she was waging had begun to take its toll. Calleigh was tired, stressed out, and oh so thankful that today was Friday. She had the whole weekend off, and she planned to use every second of it to try to regroup; get herself back in the right frame of mind. Wanting no work distractions to follow her home this particular weekend, she was doing her best to wrap up as many open cases as she possibly could before day's end. She soon discovered that in order to do so, she'd have to do something she'd been trying to avoid all week – speak to Eric. But it had to be done, so with a reluctant sigh she set off to find him.

Calleigh searched around the whole lab, but her search had proven unsuccessful. She couldn't find Eric anywhere. While part of her was relieved, the professional side of her knew that she needed to keep looking. As she passed the DNA lab, she poked her head in and immediately caught Natalia's attention.

"Nat, have you seen Eric lately?" The brunette shook her head as she replied, "Nope. Haven't seen him all day. What's up?" Calleigh held up the file in her hand. "Well, I'm just closing up some cases. I'm ready to wrap up this Vasquez case, and Eric processed the prints. I just need to add his report to the file before I turn it in to Horatio."

Natalia shrugged her shoulders before offering, "Well, I don't think he's out in the field. Ryan and Walter had the only call-out today. Maybe Horatio has him working on something special?" That scenario sounded as good as anything Calleigh could come up with. "Yeah maybe, I'll just go check with Horatio. Thanks, Nat!" She offered her friend a smile before she turned and headed in the direction of her boss's office.

She knocked lightly on the door, and heard Horatio's welcoming "Come in" from the other side. She entered the office to find Horatio surrounded by a sea of paperwork. She felt for the man, as she knew that this was his least favorite part of his job. She'd only experienced a small part of this aspect of the job in the few times she'd covered for him in his absence, but enough to know that the stacks of paper he had sitting before him must be complete and utter torture. He looked up at her and offered his customary greeting of "Ma'am." She softly smiled and quipped, "So this is why they pay you the _big_ bucks, huh?" Horatio chuckled lightly and glanced at the mess that was his desk. "You'd think so, huh?" Looking back at Calleigh, he asked, "What can I do for you, Ma'am?"

Calleigh held up the file in her hands. "I was wondering if you happened to know where Eric was. I'm finishing up on some cases, and I just need a report from him to finalize this one." Horatio placed his pen down on his desk and sat back in his chair. "Eric isn't here." Well that was vague, Calleigh thought. Trying to not sound annoyed, she asked, "Ok, well do you know when he'll be back, then?"

Horatio tilted his head to the side, wanting to get a good look at her reaction to what he was about to tell her. "Eric…wasn't here to begin with. He, umm, he called off today." He pretty much got the exact reaction he'd been expecting. Calleigh stiffened, and stared at him with dark eyes clouded in confusion and concern.

"Called off? What's wrong? Is he alright?" Calleigh's mind was running a mile a minute. Eric _never_ called off. He came to work even when he was sick, even if his co-workers (particularly Ryan) wished he had stayed home and kept his germs all to himself. For him to have called off, something really had to have been wrong.

She took a step closer to Horatio's desk. "Horatio, what happened?" He stood from the chair, walked around the desk, and leaned against the front of it. "Ma'am, he didn't say that anything had happened. He just said that he needed the day. He seems to have been very stressed out lately, so I just figured maybe he needed some time off. He, like someone else who happens to be standing before me in this room…" He paused as he raised his eyebrow at her, and she just rolled her eyes and shrugged him off. Horatio grinned as he continued, "…he has plenty of time to use, so I didn't question it."

Calleigh was still worried, but she knew she was going to get no further questioning the Lieutenant. With a small sigh, she kindly thanked him and turned to leave. As she reached the door, he called out to her. "Calleigh…" She turned to face him. "Calleigh, we've been together for a long time. You know you can come to me if you need _anything_, right?"

Calleigh hung her head. Horatio was a good man, a good friend. But he was her boss, and technically, he was Eric's brother-in-law, so as much as she was realizing that she _did_ need someone to talk to, Horatio was just not the right person for the job. As her sad green eyes lifted to meet his bright blue ones once again, he could see every ounce of anguish that was held in them as she spoke to him. "I know, Horatio, and I appreciate that. I really do. Thank you. I've got to get back to work."

He knew she'd be too stubborn to confide in him, but he wanted her to know, without a doubt, that his door was open to that communication. Instead, his door literally opened and he watched her leave his office. He only hoped if she wouldn't talk to him, she'd find someone else that she could open up to, because God knows she needed it. Calleigh had most definitely come to a crossroads in her life, and there was no doubt she needed a little guidance and direction. He just hoped she'd let someone in enough to provide what he knew she needed. With a gentle sigh, he returned to his desk and once again, immersed himself in the mountains of folders requiring his attention.

Calleigh returned to her lab and immersed herself in her own mess of paperwork. She tried not to think about Eric, but it seemed the harder she tried, the more he invaded her thoughts. She was genuinely worried; something just didn't feel right. He just didn't take days off without advance notice. Immediately her thoughts drifted to his shooting related injuries. Could it be the headaches coming back again? Could it be memory lapses? Maybe his leg was hurting him. The doctor had said he could suffer effects from the shooting for years to come.

She tried to force those thoughts from her mind. He'd been mostly free of those types of symptoms for a long time, or so she thought anyway. Could he have not been telling her about something? Again, she tried to steer clear of such thoughts. Just because he called out for one day didn't mean he was at death's door. She was jumping to conclusions.

Suddenly, her mind started taking her thoughts in a completely different direction.

She had been trying to remember the last time Eric had voluntarily called out of work, when the memory abruptly came back to her. Calleigh remembered everything about that day in vivid, Technicolor detail. That call-out had had nothing at all to do with his health, and everything to do with her. She closed her eyes as the memories flooded back to her…

_They had attended his parent's 40__th__ wedding anniversary party the night before. It had been such a happy affair, the whole family there, sharing beautiful memories of Carmen and Pavel's wonderful life together with their children. When Calleigh and Eric had gotten home, and snuggled into bed together, they'd begun talking about what it would be like to be in his parents place – together for 40 years, despite all the ups and downs and bumps in the road. Eric had told her that he hoped that someday they could be like his parents, and it had made her heart soar. He'd made love to her then, and never had he been more tender, more gentle. _

_She'd realized that night that no man had ever loved her the way Eric did, and that no other man ever would. She'd also told him that she loved him for the first time that night. She knew she'd felt it for a long time, and while he had never hesitated to verbalize his love for her, she just hadn't been ready to say it back. But he'd never pushed her, knew it was a big step for her. When he'd told her how much he loved her and called her beautiful for what felt like the hundredth time that night, she knew she couldn't hold it back anymore. And when her simple "I love you, Eric" brought tears to his eyes, she wasn't sure how things could have been more perfect. _

_They'd made love to each other for hours. He'd made her feel feminine and beautiful, and most of all, cherished. And she had given him the one thing in the world he'd wanted more than anything else – her heart, completely. When she awoke the next morning, she was wrapped in his arms, and he was gazing at her with so much love that she thought her heart might just burst. She'd closed her eyes, squeezed him tighter and whispered, "I_ _wish we could stay like this all day," and that was all it took. He'd reached over the to nightstand, picked up his cell phone, quickly dialed Horatio's number and told him he wouldn't be able to make it to work that day. She'd questioned the decision, telling Eric that he'd be leaving Horatio short-handed since she already had the day off. But he'd told her that she was more important than his job, and then he'd kissed her – slowly, deeply, passionately – and every question she'd had slowly melted away. And they'd done exactly what she said that she wished they could do - they stayed wrapped in each other's arms and tangled in the sheets _all_ day long._

Calleigh had always believed that on that night, their relationship had taken a turn towards forever. As she opened her eyes and found herself back in reality, though, her heart ached at the thought that she had turned forever away. It had been hers for the taking, and she'd pushed it away… and for what?

She couldn't allow herself to have these thoughts anymore. She couldn't dwell on these memories of the past, no matter how much they pulled at her heartstrings. And she most definitely couldn't be letting herself think that Eric's call out today was in any way similar the one that day. He probably had a dentist appointment, or car troubles. Something innocent and non-life-altering like that. At least, that's what she convinced herself so she could get through the rest of her shift.

Finally, Calleigh's workday came to a close. She had passed some of the time by firing off a few rounds at the range, hoping it would calm her like it usually did. She wasn't that lucky. So she signed out, made her way to her car, and drove herself home. When she walked through her front door, she walked straight to the living room and rather ungracefully plopped herself on the couch. For the whole 30-minute drive home, her thoughts had been plagued by Eric – memories of him, concern for him, disappointment in him, heartbreak over him. And that was just in a half hour. She had two whole days ahead of her before she'd see him back at work again. She closed her eyes when the realization hit her – this was going to be one…_very_…long…weekend.


	11. Chapter 11

_Gosh, my apologies for taking so long with this chapter. The holidays are really putting a crimp in writing habits! I promise once all the parties, gift-wrapping, Christmas card writing are done...I'll get back to a more regular schedule.  
I guess as a bonus for being patient, you get a longer chapter! Yay you!  
Thanks so much to those of you who have left such amazing reviews! I don't know if you really know how much it means. Your enthusiasm for this story brings me such joy! Happy Holidays to all of you!_

**Chapter 11**

Calleigh had proven herself right…the weekend had felt impossibly long. No matter how hard she had tried, she couldn't stop herself from thinking about Eric, worrying about him. So many times she had picked up her phone, ready to hit speed dial #1 (a spot that she honestly couldn't imagine ever belonging to anyone else), and yet every time she couldn't bring herself to do it. As much as she needed to know that he was okay, thoughts of their recent argument in her Hummer prevented her from following through.

Normally, when Calleigh Duquesne set her mind to something, she did it. But in this case, she was highly aware of the consequences. When she had displayed concern for Eric the last time, he had angrily dismissed it, and she had been hurt…deeply. She knew she couldn't handle feeling that again. She'd rather feel worried and concerned right now than feel the devastation that grabbed hold of her when he'd hurled those angry and hurtful words at her. She'd been on the receiving end of another's rage plenty of times in her life and she'd always been able to brush it off and move on. She'd developed a fairly thick skin. But somehow, when it was Eric on the giving end, the hurt cut her deeper, and moving on from _that_ pain just wasn't the same.

So, Calleigh never called him. And that nagging fear that something was wrong lingered. She attempted to do some voracious house cleaning, hoping to clear her mind. Her home was now spic and span, yet her mind was still a jumbled mess. She'd tried drowning herself in a marathon of 'chick flicks,' but she soon realized that the tears she cried were not shed in honor of the heartbreak portrayed on-screen, but in honor of her own heartbreak. Taking a jog down by the beach hadn't worked either, as every tanned and toned set of abs she passed by, and there were plenty as this was _Miami_ after all, brought back steamy visions of _his_ tanned and toned abs. It became achingly clear that Eric Delko had infiltrated every nook and cranny of her life, and Calleigh was finding that she was powerless to prevent it.

When Monday morning rolled around, Calleigh was actually feeling worse than she had before the weekend had started. She'd only gotten a few hours of fitful sleep and she was exhausted. Yet she was up before the alarm even sounded, and completely ready to go an hour before she even needed to be. She decided to leave for work anyway, hoping that maybe Eric would be there early himself, and she could finally put her worries to rest.

Calleigh's arrival at work, though, produced no sign of Eric. It _was_ early, she tried to convince herself. She busied herself with mundane tasks to try to pass the time – she made a pot of coffee, read the newspaper as she quickly downed a mug of the liquid caffeine, and tried to re-organize the "mess" that the weekend shifts left in her ballistics lab. It might not have seemed a mess to anyone else, but Calleigh's idea of 'in order' never came close to what other people believed it to be.

To Calleigh's dismay, Eric did not arrive early. And an hour later, when she still had not caught a glimpse of him, her worry had ratcheted up a notch. Shortly after 9am, Ryan strolled into Calleigh's lab, looking for a report on some casings he'd found at one of his crime scenes last week. She quickly found exactly what he needed, but before she presented him the file, she tried her best to disguise her emotions as she asked him, "Hey Ryan, have you seen Eric yet today? I still have to finish up this Vasquez case, and he has the last report I need to close it out." She thought she'd done a good job at making herself sound conversational, though Ryan had quickly sensed something odd about her demeanor.

Ryan studied her for a moment, and knew something was off, but he also knew Calleigh Duquesne well enough to know that he better not say anything. He was well aware of the icy "I'm fine" response he'd have gotten if he'd asked her if something was wrong. And with she and Eric now on the outs, she was even more closed off than ever, so Ryan decided to stick to just answering her question.

"Horatio told me earlier that Eric called out again today. He must be really sick this time for him to stay home again. I'm glad he used his brain this time, though. I certainly don't wanna catch whatever he's got!" Ryan noticed that Calleigh's countenance had changed instantly when he'd mentioned that Eric had called out. He could tell she didn't even hear the rest of what he said. She blindly held out the file he needed, and as he took it from her she was already headed for the door, muttering something that sounded like, "Yeah, thanks Ryan" as she quickly headed into the hallway. Ryan just shook his head, and went back to work. While he felt like he'd gotten to know Calleigh pretty well in the years they'd been working together, part of her would always remain a mystery to him.

It took every bit of restraint that she could muster for Calleigh to not barge right into Horatio's office uninvited. She took a deep breath and knocked forcefully several times. She noticed through the window that he was on the phone, but was motioning for her to enter. She stood before him, impatiently waiting for him to wrap up his call, and when he hung up the phone all her restraint disappeared as she blurted, "Horatio, something's wrong. You need to tell me what's wrong!"

Horatio had hoped that maybe Eric had told Calleigh himself, but looking at the edgy woman standing before him, he knew that she had no idea what was going on. Horatio wished that Eric had called her, because he didn't feel like Calleigh should really be hearing this news from him…she should hear it from Eric himself. But he also didn't want her to find out second-handedly through the grapevine – she deserved more than that. He slowly rounded his desk and softly addressed his second in command.

"Calleigh, close the door and come sit down." She closed the door as asked, but as she turned and moved further into the office, she stood rigidly before her boss, arms crossed, and harshly grumbled, "I don't need to sit down, Horatio. I just need you to tell me what's going on. Where's Eric?"

Horatio paused a moment, knowing how hurt Calleigh was going to be when he told her. Fidgeting with his sunglasses in his hands, he sighed loudly before he began.

"Calleigh, I didn't know about this last week. Eric didn't tell me when he called then. But, well…Eric's father fell ill on Friday." He stopped and watched Calleigh's reaction.

Calleigh's whole body went stiff. As her eyes bore holes into Horatio's, she screamed, "What?" She was beyond frustrated. Horatio had to know that there were two possible scenarios that went along with that statement. Was it Alexander? In Calleigh's mind, that would be the best-case scenario. Eric's fierce loyalty to his family would inevitably draw him to Alexander if he were ill. The man was his father, biologically. But ultimately, everyone knew what kind of man Alexander Sharova was. If anything happened to him, well…Eric would hurt, and maybe be left with some 'what ifs,' but he would be able to move on from it. Calleigh could move on from it.

But if Horatio had meant that Pavel had fallen ill, that was a whole different ballgame. Pavel Delko was a man who'd done nothing but love and provide a wonderful life for all his children. Even though Eric was biologically not his son, he was Eric's true father in every way that mattered. Losing Pavel - not only would Eric struggle trying to recover from that, so would his entire family, and so would Calleigh.

Calleigh loved her own dad with all her heart, but he'd never really been much of a father to her. Pavel had been the father figure Calleigh had never had. In her time with Eric, Pavel had accepted her as one of his family, loved her like he loved his own children, and showed her what it felt like to be part of a stable, loving, functional family. No, he could not be sick, he just couldn't be.

Horatio took in the torn, fearful look on Calleigh's face. He really hated that he had to do this. "Calleigh, they determined that he had a heart attack. He spent the weekend in the hospital, falling in and out of consciousness." He took one last breath to gather himself before delivering the final blow. "Calleigh, Pavel Delko passed away early this morning."

Calleigh felt her legs about to give out under her and was grateful that Horatio noticed, offered her support and moved her to the chair in front of his desk. As she collapsed into the chair, she whispered, "Horatio, no!" as her head fell into her hands. Her eyes fell closed as she thought about Eric and his family. They had to be just devastated. Horatio heard the quiver in her voice as she quietly murmured, "Oh god…Eric. Horatio, I didn't know. He didn't…he didn't tell me."

Horatio moved close to Calleigh, gently brushing his hand over her head. Succumbed by grief, she let her head fall forward to rest on his torso as she began to cry. Horatio held her there, trying to comfort this woman who he'd only ever seen cry on a few occasions. This loss would not only be devastating to Eric, but obviously to Calleigh as well. Horatio didn't know a lot about Calleigh and Eric's relationship, but he knew it had been born of an incredibly strong bond. And he knew, partially from experience, how welcoming the Delko family was. He remembered how they'd treated him, accepted him, after such a short time that he'd spent with Marisol. And while Calleigh and Eric hadn't been married like he and Marisol were, there was no doubt that the family's connection with Calleigh had probably been even stronger than the one he'd personally shared with them. Eric was their only son. He had cheated death on more than one occasion, and Calleigh was always the one who was there to take care of him. Horatio knew that the Delko's probably felt indebted to her for loving and protecting their boy the way she did. And in doing so, they probably provided Calleigh with a sort of surrogate family, one like Horatio knew she'd not been lucky enough to have of her own. This was going to be a difficult loss for Calleigh.

Breaking a silence only marred by her light sobbing and an occasional sniffle, Horatio quietly assured her, "Calleigh, they were all there with him. They all had the chance to say goodbye and tell him how much they loved him. He died surrounded by his family. And I know this won't make you feel any better, but he's not alone. He's with Marisol now."

Calleigh straightened herself up, suddenly remembering where she was. This was work and she needed to remain professional. Horatio handed her a tissue from the box on his desk, which she gratefully accepted. Horatio felt for her, could see the turmoil she was going through. "Calleigh, look, why don't you take the rest of the day…"

She interrupted him quickly. "No, Horatio. I'm fine. Well, I'm sad, but I'll be fine. We're already short with Eric gone. I'm going to go get back to work." She stood up, intent on heading back to her lab where she could have some privacy. Horatio stopped her.

"Wait. I need to give you something." He walked back around the desk and picked up a file that was resting there. "Eric evidently stopped in here one night over the weekend. I guess he knew he was going to need to take some time off, and wanted to tie up as many loose ends as possible so as not to leave us hanging. He left this and said you'd need it." He handed her Eric's report for the Vasquez case. Calleigh shook her head. Even with his father in the hospital clinging to his life, Eric still worried about work, making sure others weren't left in the lurch in his absence. Pavel Delko had raised his boy right, that's for sure.

Calleigh sighed, and looked over to her boss who was studying her intently. "Horatio, I promise I'll be fine. Let me know if you need me to take over any of his open cases. I'm sure he'll be out for a while, and I'll do whatever I can to pick up the slack. He shouldn't have to worry about that now. And uhh, if you hear anything, you know, about any arrangements, can you please let me know?"

It was strange, Calleigh having to ask Horatio for information about Eric, and that awkwardness didn't escape either of them. It had been a long time, even long before they'd become romantically involved, since Calleigh wasn't the one person who knew more about Eric and his life than anyone else.

Horatio smiled softly at Calleigh. Sometime she amazed him, the strength she exhibited under difficult circumstances. It was unnatural to be so strong, all the time. He hoped she'd give herself the time she would need to deal with this, to grieve like he knew she needed to. "I have asked to borrow one of the swing-shifters for a while. They're going to pick up the slack on Eric's cases. But if I need your help, I'll be sure to let you know. And if I find out anything, about the arrangements, you'll be the first one I tell. I promise."

Back in the safety and privacy of her beloved ballistics lab, Calleigh was near to breaking down. Her mind was like a freight train, carrying a heavy load and barreling forward with no chance to slow it down any time soon. Pavel Delko was gone, so suddenly, and she hadn't even been able to say goodbye to the man who'd been so much like a father to her. Eric hadn't even called her. Why had he not called her? Didn't he know how much his father had meant to her? If he had just let her know, she could have said goodbye, offered the family her support. But Eric had kept her in the dark and she was angry that in a time like this, he was still shutting her out.

Calleigh didn't want to be angry, though. She was trying not to be. Eric just lost his father, a man he'd looked up to and emulated for his whole life. Maybe in his grief, he just wasn't thinking clearly and forgot to call her. Or it could be possible that he had felt that he just couldn't turn to her. Was he afraid she'd reject him and add to his grief? Or did he just feel that allowing himself to find comfort in her would be too painful in light of their breakup? Maybe, she'd simply lost the right to expect that in a time like this, Eric would look to her for support. If that was the case, she figured she had no one to be angry at but herself.

Why…_why_ hadn't she just called him this weekend like she'd wanted to…like she _should_ have? She had known something was wrong, her instincts had told her so. She should have had the backbone to listen to them, and not been afraid of what he would have said. Maybe had she been the one to reach out, he would have accepted the consolation that she so wished she could have given him. But once again, she'd let fear run her life, let it make her decisions for her. And yet again, it had gotten her absolutely nowhere.

Calleigh couldn't believe how unbelievably unsettled she felt. So many emotions were swirling around and taking control of her body, and yet there was one thing she knew for sure. Had this happened 6 months ago, she'd have been by Eric's side, helping him to cope. They would have leaned on each other, been there for each other, grieved together. It hurt that she couldn't be there for him right now.

Sitting there alone in her office, Calleigh sadly realized something else – it also hurt that Eric wasn't here for _her_. She felt selfish for even thinking that way, as it was _his_ father who had just been taken from this world. But Calleigh had loved Pavel, and was suffering from a grief of her own at having lost someone so important in her life. And without Eric, she had no one to turn to. He was the only one she'd ever let in deep enough to see the true vulnerable side of Calleigh Duquesne, and God help her, she needed to be vulnerable right now. She needed the strength of his arms around her, the comfort they'd always provided her. She needed that safe place, where she knew she could completely break down, and know that he'd always be there to help her back up.

Suddenly, Calleigh was overcome with the need to hear Eric's voice; the need to see for herself if he was okay. She wasn't sure how well received a call from her would be, but she didn't care. She'd been too scared to call him this weekend, and look what that had gotten her. She wasn't going to allow her fears to let that happen again.

Needing more privacy than her office could provide her, she grabbed her cell phone and briskly walked out to the garage. Once she was securely closed into her car, she opened her phone and dialed his familiar number. After several rings, she was sure it would click over to his voicemail, and she was trying to formulate in her head what sort of message she'd leave him. Then to her surprise, the ringing ceased and a very weary voice came over the line. "Delko." One word was all it took for Calleigh to know that he most definitely wasn't okay.

"Eric…" she whispered. Her one word was dripping with concern and sympathy, and Eric immediately knew that somehow, she had found out. Silence filled the air around the both of them for a few moments, as neither really knew where exactly to take this conversation next. Eric spoke first. "Hey, Calleigh. I uhh, I guess Horatio must have told you."

"Yeah," she breathed. "Eric, I'm so, so, sorry." She wished so badly she could be there to simply hold him right now, as his silence had spoken louder than words ever could have. He was struggling. She heard him clear his throat, trying to compose himself, then in a scratchy voice he was able to get out a shaky "Thanks."

The need to comfort the man on the other end of the line was absolutely excruciating. Calleigh sat there in her car, eyes closed, remembering every single time Eric had been there for her when she'd needed someone. No matter what happened to her, he was always there. She'd been dosed with cocaine; she had almost drowned when her car was run off the road into the glades; she'd been almost killed in a crane accident; she'd been kidnapped and came this close to being raped; and of course there were her bouts with smoke inhalation that had landed her in the hospital – and every single time, he was right by her side. As a friend. As a lover. For as long as she had known Eric Delko, he'd never once let her go through a difficult situation alone. He'd been her rock. And now she knew he needed the same, and it killed her that she couldn't give it to him.

Knowing that now might not be the best time to ask him this, but needing to say it anyway, Calleigh quietly asked him, "Eric, why didn't you call me? You know I would have been there for you…for your family."

Eric had figured this was coming. He'd briefly thought about calling Calleigh to tell her what was going on, but in all honesty, he didn't think he could handle dealing with the grief of losing his father _and_ the grief of losing Calleigh all at the same time. It was just too much, so he'd put her out of his mind and focused on his dad.

"Calleigh, things were just so crazy. Friday we're rushing him to the hospital, not knowing what was wrong. Then they tell us it was a heart attack, and the damage is not repairable. They only allowed family to be with him. He was in and out of consciousness over the weekend. We all at least got to say goodbye, and then this morning he was just gone. I had to let Horatio know why I wasn't coming in, but everything was just so crazy. My mom's losing it, so I'm having to take care of most everything. My sisters, they are helping some, but they have their kids, their families to worry about, and…well, I don't have…I don't have anyone else to worry about, so it's mostly falling into my lap." He paused for a second, and that's all the time it took for her heart to break completely in two. Eric caught his breath and continued, "I've barely had time to breathe, Calleigh. I'm sorry that I didn't call you, I'm just…

Eric was rambling, and she could sense him getting more and more worked up. She needed for him to just calm down, so she interrupted him. "Eric, Eric slow down. It's okay." She heard him sigh heavily. "I understand, Eric. I just wish I could've been there to help you, so you wouldn't have been alone."

He didn't reply, so she continued. "Eric, are you okay? Have you given yourself some time deal with this? You know you need to let yourself…"

Now Calleigh was the one interrupted. "I don't really have time to deal with my feelings right now, Calleigh. My family needs me, and I need to handle that first. I need to take care of my mom, be strong for her and help her work through this. I'll worry about myself later."

Calleigh was no therapist, but she knew for sure that pushing aside his feelings wasn't going to help Eric recover from losing his dad. But she also knew the kind of man he was, and that no matter what anyone tried to tell him, his first priority would be taking care of those he loved. It was a quality she'd always loved about him.

"Is there anything I can do, Eric? Do you need anything? I could stop by…"

"Thanks, Calleigh. We appreciate it, but don't worry. We'll be fine. I have to take my mom over to the funeral home in a little bit to handle all the details, and then I have to pick up some family at the airport later. There's going to be mass chaos I'm sure at the Delko household. But thanks for the offer."

Calleigh closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the headrest. "Okay, Eric. But please, if you guys need anything…anything…_please_ don't hesitate to call me." She hoped he knew how sincere she was in her offer. Despite the mess she seemed to have made of things, she'd still do anything for that family.

A thought popped into Eric's head. "Well, there is one thing you could do, Calleigh." Calleigh sat straight up in her seat, overjoyed at the fact that Eric was willing to let her do something. His tired voice met her ears once again. "Like I said, we've got a lot going on today, and I don't know when I'm going to have another free minute. Can you just let Horatio know that we're planning for the calling hours to be on Wednesday night from 4-8 pm, and then the funeral will take place on Thursday morning at 10am. I'll text him, I'll uh…text you both, with the specifics, the address and stuff, for the church and cemetery later on."

It wasn't quite the extent of the help she wished she could provide, but he'd extended the olive branch and she'd gladly take it. "Of course, I'll tell him. Please give your mom my love, and Eric…take care of yourself, okay? I know you're busy taking care of everyone else, but please remember to take care of you too, alright?"

"I will. Thanks, Calleigh. Goodbye." Calleigh breathed deeply as she closed her phone. She sat in her car for a few more minutes, then headed back inside the lab. She felt slightly better having spoken to Eric. Hearing his voice, even now, had a strangely calming effect on her. She still wished, though, that there was something more she could do.

Once she re-entered the building, she could see Horatio down the hall, speaking to Frank. When he noticed Calleigh, Horatio finished his business with Frank and then approached her. "Ma'am, are you okay?" His concern for her shone through in his crystal blue eyes.

"I'm fine, Horatio. I, um, I just spoke to Eric." She proceeded to pass on the information Eric had given her. Horatio thanked her, and promised to let the rest of the team know. As Calleigh stood uncomfortably before him, nervously playing with the cuff her blouse, Horatio knew she was struggling to find her next words.

"Horatio, I was…" She didn't get any further before he softly rested his hand on her arm and stopped her. "Ms. Duquesne, you can have whatever time you need. You leave whenever you need to on Wednesday, and as far as I'm concerned, I won't expect you back after that until Monday." Normally, she would have insisted that she didn't need any extra time, that she'd only take the necessary amount needed to pay her respects. But she knew that this time, this time she had to do things differently, so with a grateful sigh, she looked up at her boss and thanked him before heading back to her lab, hoping to pull herself together enough to actually get some work done.


	12. Chapter 12

_Hey everybody! Holidays are in full swing - I hope whatever you celebrate that you have a great one!  
I know this chapter is a bit shorter than my usual, but I wanted to get you SOMEthing before the holiday.  
So you get this...my gift to you - a glimmer of hope! ;)  
_

**Chapter 12**

Wednesday afternoon found Calleigh leaving work early. She knew that the clothes she had worn to work would be completely appropriate to wear to the viewing, but she'd wanted some time to herself, so she took the time to go home and change. A part of her knew that deep down, she wanted to look good for Eric, even though she was fully aware that on this day, what she looked like would be the farthest thing from his mind. Yet still, she took a quick shower to wash the workday away, chose a smart fitting black suit with a dark green camisole underneath (because of course that was Eric's favorite color on her), carefully applied just the right amount of make up, and brushed her hair, letting it dry naturally, falling loosely around her shoulders with just a touch of a curl to the ends.

Calleigh arrived at the funeral home just a bit after 4pm. She'd wanted to get there on the early side, hoping to avoid the large rush of people who would no doubt make an appearance after 6pm, when they'd gotten out of work. She hoped that maybe she'd have some time to talk with Eric in a less crowded setting, not wanting to vie for his attention with other folks wanting to offer their condolences.

Once inside, Calleigh discovered that she'd been correct. There were only a few people besides the immediate Delko family there so far. She sadly paid her respects to Pavel, a few tears silently drawing a path down her cheeks. She kissed her hand and pressed it gently to his cheek, saying her final goodbye. Then she made her way to wait in the receiving line for her turn to visit with the family.

Calleigh watched Eric interact with the people ahead of her. His face was emotionless as he accepted the condolences of the mourners who approached him. Calleigh knew better than anyone, though, not to be fooled by the lack of emotion he seemed to be showing. That was simply the outward façade. Inside - she knew that inside there was a hurt, a sadness that would remain for a long time. Calleigh swallowed the lump in her throat, trying to remind herself that no matter how broken he was right now, and no matter how strong her urge was to do so, Eric didn't want her to fix him.

Calleigh approached him, and to her dismay, Eric's expression never changed. He held the same blank, unaffected stare as he did when he'd greeted all the others. Her voice trembled as she took his hand and whispered "Eric, I'm so sorry." He didn't say a word, didn't even look at her. He wasn't trying to be rude, and she knew that. He just knew that if he looked her in the eyes, saw the sympathy and the empathy there, that the stoic front he was trying to maintain would crumble right at their feet. A shakey "Thanks" was all he could offer her.

Not being able to control the need to do so any longer, Calleigh wrapped her arms around Eric's waist and pulled him in to hug him. He didn't pull away, but he certainly didn't return the gesture. His body stiffened, and he barely rested his hands on her shoulders. To the others around them, it probably looked as though he was accepting a comforting embrace, but Calleigh knew different. Letting him go, she couldn't prevent the ache that ran through her veins – never before had she felt uncomfortable in his arms, until this very moment.

Calleigh felt like she had just hugged a stranger. This person standing before her, he wasn't the Eric she knew; he wasn't _her _Eric. No longer did his eyes take on a whole new intensity when they layed upon her. Whether in happiness, sadness, anger, frustration – Eric's eyes had always been different when he looked at Calleigh. She had always been able to see it, even before their friendship had turned romantic. The difference in Eric's eyes when it came to her was drastic, and fascinating, and had always warmed her from the inside out. Now it was one of the things that she missed the most about him. His eyes didn't change for her anymore, and it gave her an overwhelming feeling of being alone in the world, because nobody, _no one_, in her lifetime had ever looked at her with the intensity that he did.

Outwardly, it may have seemed like the tears she began to cry as she pulled away from Eric were shed for his father, a man she'd come to love like he was her own family. But Calleigh knew differently. This went deeper than that. As Calleigh walked away from Eric, without another word, she knew that suddenly she was grieving the loss of _two_ of the most important people in her life – the man she was in love with _and_ his father.

Yes, the realization hit her with the force of a Mack truck. Calleigh was still, and probably forever would be, hopelessly and helplessly _in love_ with Eric Delko. Despite the things that had happened, what he'd done and how she thought she should feel, her heart still belonged to Eric. He had stolen it long ago, and while she had thought that she wanted it back again, she was beginning to see that maybe she was wrong. Maybe her heart was exactly where it was always meant to be. Only now, he didn't seem to want it anymore. That was through no one's fault but her own, she knew, but it still left her feeling empty and alone, and more than a little scared. And completely and utterly lost.

Calleigh moved her way through the receiving line, offering her condolences to Eric's sisters and their husbands before she reached his mother. Calleigh was nervous, afraid of feeling the same sense of rejection from his mother as she had gotten from him. She did, after all, break the heart of Carmen's youngest - her baby, the son she treasured and protected and constantly worried about.

Yet when Calleigh approached Carmen, she was shocked when instead of being rejected, instead she was pulled into a strong, warm loving embrace. "Oh, mija," Carmen whispered as she caressed the back of Calleigh's head, hugging her soundly. Calleigh buried her head in Carmen's shoulder, letting herself be enveloped by the love that the woman offered her. She could have drowned herself in the comfort of Carmen's welcoming arms for hours, but Calleigh knew she needed to move along, as there were people behind her waiting to pay their respects as well.

Calleigh released Carmen from her iron grip, sadly murmuring, "Oh Mrs. Delko, I'm so sorry." She wondered if Carmen even knew the depth of her apology. It went so much deeper than being sorry for the loss of her husband. Carmen reached up to wipe the tears from Calleigh's cheeks. "Mija, none of this 'Mrs.' business. You still call me Carmen, you hear?" Calleigh nodded, and Carmen continued. "Thank you so much for coming, Calleigh. I know it means a lot to Eric."

Calleigh hung her head, shaking it back and forth in doubt. "I don't know about that. I'm not sure he's very happy at all that I'm here." Carmen took hold of Calleigh's hands, forcing her to look back up at her. "Listen to me, Calleigh. Eric is hurting right now. He's trying to be so strong for the whole family. But I know my boy, and even if he can't show it right now, he appreciates that you're here. And even if he didn't, it doesn't matter, because I appreciate that you're here. You know, Pavel loved you like you were one of his own. And I still do. That hasn't changed."

Calleigh was struggling to keep it together. She looked down at her hands, held tightly in the strong, weathered hands of the woman before her. "Carmen, I know Pavel's feelings about me had to have been…what I did…I'm just," Calleigh stuttered, trying to find the right words. "…I just wish things had been different." Carmen reached up, cradling Calleigh's face in her hands, forcing her to look into her dark, knowing eyes.

"Calleigh, don't you ever doubt how Pavel felt about you. Eric isn't perfect, and his Papi knew that. He made mistakes and he paid the price for them. But don't you ever think that changed how Pavel felt for you. You've been there for Eric, have watched out for him and taken care of him when we couldn't, and despite anything that's happened recently, we never forgot that. Pavel loved you, and he'd be glad you're here. He _is_ glad you're here, and so am I."

As Carmen pulled Calleigh in for another hug, she thought to herself, "_Eric's glad you're here too, Mija_." Calleigh, having found immense comfort in Carmen's words, pulled back far enough to kiss the woman's cheek. She offered her a simple, "Thank you" that was both genuine and heartfelt. Carmen smiled, patted the younger woman on the cheek and replied, "And thank _you_, Calleigh. And by the way, the flowers you sent were beautiful. It was the most beautiful arrangement we received. They're in my kitchen so I can enjoy them every day while I'm cooking!"

Calleigh smiled warmly, gave Carmen's hands one last squeeze and moved to sit in a chair towards the back of the room. Little did she know, but there was another person in the room who'd taken interest in her exchange with Mama Delko. And if she had turned around to look, she would have seen that his dark chocolate eyes, so much like his mother's, took in the scene with longing and reverence. Had she turned around, she would have seen that his eyes were _different_, emotional and intense, as he watched on. His eyes had changed, for the only time that day – and they'd changed for her, and only her.


	13. Chapter 13

_Gosh, I'm so sorry I've been so long between updates. With Christmas & New Years, work being crazy and then getting slammed with a lovely head and chest cold, I just haven't had a chance to write much. Hopefully this chapter puts me back on track. Lucky #13!  
A reminder, I don't own CSI:Miami or it's characters (the ones you recognize anyway), they're just traveling down this road with me for a while!  
And thanks again to my wonderful reviewers. If you're logged on, I try my hardest to respond to your reviews personally. To those of you who are anonymous, I appreciate yours too, I just can't tell you so!  
I seem to have lost some people along the way, so those of you who are still with me on this one, who've been taking the time to review and who are still urging me on - you're the 'bestest' :)_

**Chapter 13**

Pavel Delko's funeral was as poignant as it was sad. Being a member of a tight-knit Catholic community, the priest who delivered the eulogy was a family friend. He knew Pavel well, and was able to infuse the eulogy with personal and light-hearted stories of Pavel's life here in Miami. It broke up the sadness a bit; gave his friends and family a chance to smile through their tears. Eric's sister Maria got up and spoke on behalf of her siblings. She reminisced about childhood memories – favorite Christmases, family practical jokes, the pride Pavel exuded for _all_ of his children and grandchildren. There was no doubt that the man that they were all gathered here to mourn was well loved.

Calleigh sat several rows behind the family, flanked on either side by members of her team - Natalia sat to one side, Ryan the other. Horatio was there too, although he was seated in a front pew as he'd been asked to be a pallbearer, along with Eric, his two brothers-in-law and a few of Pavel's nephews. Walter stayed behind at MDPD to hold down the fort while the rest of the team paid their respects, as unfortunately, crime doesn't take a break for anyone, no matter how special the circumstance.

While Calleigh listened to every beautiful word that was spoken about Pavel, she never took her eyes off of Eric. She could see that he was having less success at hiding his emotions today than he'd had yesterday. His shoulders were slumped, his head hung low, and every so often she saw him lift a tissue to his face to try to contain a sniffle or wipe a tear. Calleigh was sort of glad – not that she was happy to see him sad, but she knew it was better for him to let some of his emotions out rather than keeping them all bottled up inside. The release was a necessary part of the grieving process.

Eric was seated in the front row along with his mother and his sisters, Maria and Anna, and their husbands and children. Calleigh noticed that Maria never once let go of the iron grip she had on her husband Paul's hand. And Anna, so overcome with her grief, mostly kept her head nestled in her husband Michael's shoulder, his arm wrapped tightly around her to support her as she wept. Calleigh wanted so badly to be by Eric's side, offering some kind of comfort to him. It just didn't seem fair that his sisters each had an anchor to keep them grounded; yet Eric sat there drifting alone in his grief.

Natalia glanced at Calleigh and noticed a lone, silent tear creeping down her cheek. She had also noticed that Calleigh's eyes had been glued to Eric ever since he'd entered the church. It didn't take a CSI to see how much Calleigh was hurting for him; it only took a concerned friend. She reached over and placed her hand atop Calleigh's, squeezing it gently in a show of support. Calleigh offered her a weak smile in return, squeezing her friend's hand back in thanks.

The service concluded, and the six pallbearers converged on the casket, slowly carrying it up the center aisle and towards the awaiting hearse. As he passed by, Eric made eye contact with Calleigh. As much as she'd been able to read his body language that day, he could also read hers, and he could see the sadness and regret in her every feature. And though it was subtle, for he just didn't have any more to offer her today, the look in his eyes as they locked with Calleigh's was all she needed. In his eyes she found acknowledgement of both his _and_ her grief, and she knew that right now, at this moment, that's all she could possibly expect of him, and it was enough.

/EC/

The interment ceremony at the cemetery was difficult for Calleigh. It was always the hardest part of a funeral for her. No matter how many of these she attended, she was always brought back to that fateful day when the casket that was lowered into the ground held the body of her co-worker, her friend, Tim Speedle. And every time she was reminded of how much she truly missed him.

Not wanting to dwell on her sadness about Speed, Calleigh was thankful that this was at least a fairly short part of the funeral process. After the priest offered up a final prayer, the funeral director passed out flowers, extracted from the beautiful arrangements that had filled the funeral home, to each attendee. Then each person, in their final goodbye, laid their flower on top of the casket and paid their last respects to Pavel and the family.

Natalia and Ryan, having to get back to work, quickly placed their flowers and said their goodbyes. But Calleigh couldn't bring herself to leave just yet. Not when she knew Eric was still here, still hurting. Maybe she couldn't go to him, but she could still be here for him, even if it was from a distance.

She watched as the family sat in their folding chairs, the casket slowly being covered in a beautiful myriad of roses, lilies and carnations. Eric held his youngest niece, Arianna, in his lap, rhythmically rocking her back and forth. Maria stared blankly ahead, deep in thought, while her sister Anna silently cried in her husband's embrace. And Carmen, poor Carmen – Calleigh couldn't imagine what it must be like to lose the person that was her partner, her husband, for over 40 years. Carmen's cries reverberated in the silence and it was utterly heartbreaking.

Finally, when all who remained were members of the immediate and extended Delko family, Calleigh decided it was time to make her exit. She didn't want to intrude on the family's final goodbye to Pavel. She approached the casket and gingerly laid her rose amongst all the others. As she looked to Eric, he was still rocking Arianna, his eyes closed in an attempt to hold himself together. She gently touched his shoulder, then tousled Ari's hair. She sighed when her gesture garnered no visible reaction from Eric. Moving on, she held onto and squeezed Maria and Anna's hands, who both thanked her for being there, and then she finally approached Carmen.

Somehow, Calleigh's presence opened the floodgates once again for Carmen. Cries that had quieted to soft whimpers ratcheted back up to violent sobbing as Carmen pulled Calleigh close and collapsed against her. Calleigh held on tight, soothingly rubbing the woman's back as she whispered, "I'm so sorry."

Hearing his mother in such distress, Eric had opened his eyes, but the sight of Calleigh comforting his mom was almost too much for him to handle. On one hand, it warmed him to know how easily she fit in his family. That his mother would feel comfortable enough with Calleigh to lean on her in a moment like this proved that she had unconditionally been accepted as one of the Delko clan.

But Eric turned his attention away from the scene before him, because he knew this moment was one that wouldn't last. Calleigh being here now, this was temporary. This was a kind gesture, brought on by a time of intense sorrow. Ultimately, Calleigh had turned all of this away. He'd messed up, and she'd given him up, and in doing so gave up his family too. No matter how his heart soared at the thought and sight of Calleigh fitting in so naturally with his relatives, he had to remind himself that Calleigh was no longer his, and the future with her that he could see so clearly as he looked at her right now, well, it was never going to happen.

Carmen released Calleigh, quickly apologizing for the wet spot her tears had created on the younger woman's blazer. Calleigh shrugged it off without a thought, once more offering her condolences. "If you ever need anything, please know you can call me. You've been so good to me, and I'll always be willing to return the favor." Carmen smiled, knowing deep down that Calleigh's offer extended further than to just herself. She knew wholeheartedly that Calleigh would always be there for Eric as well. Her presence here today was proof of that.

After promising Carmen that she would stop over to the house for a bit to eat, Calleigh returned to her car. Even though she'd put the key in the ignition and had started the engine, she couldn't yet bring herself to drive away. She watched as Eric and his family laid their own flowers on Pavel's casket. She saw the way Eric held his mother when she almost collapsed after placing the last rose atop the dark cherry wood. She saw the way the whole family embraced each other through their sorrow and tears. And as sad as it was, it was just as beautiful. Calleigh had never felt that kind of family bond. She loved her parents, of course, but the relationship she shared with them didn't even compare to what she was witnessing as she observed the Delko's right now.

Finally, not able to bear witness to one more minute of the incredible display of familial strength being played out before her, Calleigh put the car in gear and pulled away. She glanced in the rear view mirror, visions of the family she could have had, could have been part of, getting smaller and smaller as the distance between them became and greater and greater. And, consequently, the hole that had settled itself in Calleigh's heart grew larger and larger.

/EC/

Wanting to allow the family some time to get back to their home and settle down a bit, Calleigh drove around for a while. She figured it would serve the dual purpose of allowing her to clear her head as well.

About a half hour later, she pulled up in front of the Delko home, which was already crawling with people. She reached over to the passenger seat and picked up the pecan pie that she had baked last night, knowing the Delko family's affinity for that particular dessert. She always made one when she would attend dinners and holiday gatherings with Eric, and the pie never lasted for very long.

Calleigh walked up the front path and knocked on the front door. She was greeted by one of Eric's cousins, who she'd met on a few occasions, and was escorted to the kitchen. People were mulling about everywhere, yet Carmen immediately caught sight of Calleigh.

"Oh, Mija…is that what I think it is?" Calleigh grinned and handed her the pie, replying, "I didn't really know what else I could do. But I know you guys like my gran's famous pecan pie." Carmen lifted the pie close to her face and closed her eyes as she took an exaggerated whiff of the sweet smelling dessert. "Calleigh, you didn't have to do anything, my dear. But thank you. You know this is Eric's favorite!" Carmen turned and called out to Eric, who was standing by the door to the back patio conversing with someone Calleigh didn't recognize. "Eric, look what Calleigh brought. She made your _favorite_!" Eric just smiled, nodded his head and turned back to his conversation.

A new arrival pulled Carmen's attention away, but she didn't leave Calleigh before thanking her once again with a hug, and demanding that she help herself to some food and drink. There honestly was enough food there to feed an army. Calleigh wasn't very hungry though, so she made her way to the living room – away from all the commotion.

Calleigh was glad that for the time being, the living room was vacated. She felt out of place – there were plenty of relatives, neighbors and family friends whom she recognized from her time spent with the Delko's, but she really didn't want to get into any deep conversations with them. Had he told everyone that they were no longer together? Did his family and friends resent her for it? What would they think of her being here right now? Those were issues she just didn't feel like addressing.

Alone in the living room, Calleigh found herself drawn to the dozens of family photos that littered the room. She stood in front of the mantle, upon which sat an 8x10 picture taken at Pavel's 65th birthday. All the Delko kids and grandkids surrounded he and Carmen, who were seated in the center. At the time, she'd been happy to stand beside Eric as the photo was taken, but looking at it now she felt nothing but guilty. It was like she was looking at one of those Sesame Street skits – "one of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong." She didn't belong, and she could only hope that her image in the photo didn't ruin a memory of a cherished family event for Eric.

Calleigh seated herself on the couch, and her attention was quickly drawn to the kitchen. The volume of the crowd in there had suddenly increased, and she looked over to see Eric standing with several people she didn't recognize, all speaking Russian. He was introducing them to some family friends and acting as a translator for them. When she heard him introduce the woman as 'Katia,' Calleigh suddenly realized who they were. Her mind immediately took her back to a conversation she and Eric had had one night long ago…

Calleigh had climbed into the bed that Eric was already settled into. After turning off the light, she snuggled up in 'her spot' beside him, and as he did every night he leaned down and kissed the top of her head and whispered, "Good night, Cal. I love you." While the sentiment was always the same, the language changed from night to night. Sometimes he whispered the words to her in English, sometimes Spanish or Russian, and even other nights he'd surprise her and learn the words in another language just to keep her on her toes. It was just that kind of little romantic gesture that made her heart melt, and it made her love him even more.

_On this night, he'd chosen Russian. "__Spokojnoj Nochi, Cal. __Ya tebya lyublyu." She smiled – Russian was always her favorite. It was just such a different and beautiful language, and it always sounded so sexy falling off of Eric's lips. She looked up at him as she trailed her soft fingertips over the stubble on his chin. "Have you ever been to Russia?" _

_Eric sighed wistfully. "No, not yet. I've always wanted to go, though. I have cousins there that I've never met - Ilya, Viktor and Katia. They were all close in age to Mari and I. Their parents always wanted them to learn English, and of course my dad wanted us to learn Russian, so to try to make it fun, we became sort of pen pals. They'd write their letters in English, we'd write ours in Russian…or at least we tried our best. It was always fun. I can still remember sitting at the coffee table with Mari, trying to figure out what we wanted to tell them in our letters." _

_Calleigh grinned at the thought of a little Eric, possibly gap-toothed, biting his bottom lip as his pencil moved across the neatly lined page. She linked her fingers with those on his free hand as she rested her head against his chest. "I hope you get to go someday. Maybe…maybe we could take a vacation there sometime." _

_A huge smile spread across Eric's face. "You'd like to go to Russia?" She looked up at him, shocked at the surprise in his voice. "Of course I would, Eric! It's part of your heritage. And _you_ want to go there, so of course I'd love to go with you. I think it would be cool to be there when you meet your family for the first time."_

_Calleigh's revelation made Eric so happy he wasn't sure what to do with himself. He lifted her chin towards him, and covered her lips in a soft and tender kiss. As he pulled away, he looked deeply into her eyes and repeated his words from earlier. "Ya tebya lyublyu, Calleigh. I really, really do. And I can't wait to take you to Russia!"_

Calleigh observed the group in the next room. Despite the sadness of the day, she could tell that Eric was genuinely happy to be spending time with his cousins. The meeting hadn't exactly happened the way she'd hoped or planned – the death of a family member had never factored into the equation, and she didn't get to be there when Eric had met them for the first time. The trip to Russia had never happened, and probably never would now. But despite all that, she was happy that Eric could at least take one good thing from this day, and that he could spend some time with the family he'd for so long wished to meet.

Suddenly a familiar voice jolted Calleigh out of her thoughts. "Hey baby girl, is that you?" There before her stood Alexx Woods, and the sight couldn't have been any sweeter. Calleigh stood, and Alexx crossed the room and engulfed her in a hug so big she could have gotten lost in it. When they released each other, Alexx sat down and patted the seat next to her, willing Calleigh to sit with her.

Calleigh sat, thankful to have a warm and friendly face, a good friend, to be there to pass the time with. Alexx explained that she'd not been able to attend the actual service earlier because she'd had a patient she'd had to tend to at the hospital, so she came straight here, wanting to at least pay respects and offer condolences in some way. Alexx clasped their hands as she asked, "So baby girl, I miss you! How have you been?" Calleigh forced her best smile. "I miss you too, Alexx. I've been good."

Alexx raised her eyebrows at Calleigh. She was no fool. Even if she didn't already know the situation, she would have seen right through Calleigh's fake smile and hollow words. But she _did_ know the situation – she had talked to Eric. Not that she would ever tell Calleigh that.

First of all, Alexx knew all too well about Calleigh's need for privacy, and how she'd react if she thought anyone had violated that privacy, even if it was Eric. Secondly, she wanted to see exactly where Calleigh was coming from regarding the break up. She needed to see and hear both sides of the story. She hoped that ultimately she could offer up some kind of advice on both sides – be impartial, but help her friends to see the error of their ways.

Alexx was aware that Eric and Calleigh's relationship was complicated, but she also knew that if the layers of fear and doubt could be peeled away, that at the core there was a love - an incredibly strong and lasting love - like few people will ever get to experience. She had personally watched it grow and develop and evolve over the years. She hoped now that she could help them remove those constricting outer layers to find the freedom of the love that was trapped beneath them.

Alexx spoke up. "So tell me something. Why are you sitting alone in here instead of being in there with your man?" Calleigh exhaled heavily, not really wanting to get into this with her former co-worker now, but knowing she needed to offer the woman something. Quietly, so quietly that Alexx had to lean in to hear her over the din of the Delko household, Calleigh murmured, "He's not my man, Alexx." A quiet sigh preceded her shaky, "Not anymore."

The gears began turning in Alexx's brain. The story from Eric had been that Calleigh was the one who'd backed off, called it quits, gave him up and relegated the relationship to the dreaded "let's just be friends." Yet looking at the woman sitting next to her, there was not a single sign that Calleigh had actually given Eric up. Calleigh's tone was not one of a woman who was satisfied with her decision to end a relationship; her tone was laced with regret and dripping with sorrow. Calleigh was good at building her walls, but if she was already having this much trouble hiding behind the wall she'd put up between she and Eric, it wouldn't be long before that wall would come crumbling down.

With her penetrating and sincere maternal stare, Alexx begged Calleigh to tell her what had happened. Not wanting to get into such personal matters around so many other people, Calleigh just kind of shrugged it off, claiming that "a lot of stuff happened, there were some trust issues, and I just thought we'd be better off going back to how we used to be…good friends."

Laughing, Alexx shot Calleigh her best '_Do you really think I'm gonna buy that?_' look. The younger woman, realizing she should have known better than to put anything past her older and wiser friend, just shook her head. "Not here, Alexx, okay?"

"Okay sweetie, you listen to me. I'm going on vacation next week with the family. It's going to be our last family vacation before Jamie leaves for college next month. But when I get back, I'm going to call you and we're going to get together for coffee or dinner, and we'll talk. How does that sound?"

Calleigh appreciatively leaned over and hugged her friend, whispering in her ear, "That sounds really good. I'm just so…confused…right now, and I could really use a friend." Gripping her shoulders and pulling Calleigh to face her, Alexx said in the sternest voice she could conjure up, "I will always be your friend, baby girl. That will never change. And you can always…always…come to me for anything. You know that right?"

Calleigh squeezed her eyes shut, trying to prevent the tears that wanted to fall from escaping past her lids. "I know that, Alexx. It's nice to get a reminder though. Thanks." The smile she offered then was genuine, Alexx noticed.

Having already made her rounds to visit the family, Alexx left to return to the hospital. Calleigh had hoped to speak to Eric, even if just briefly. But as she entered the now almost empty kitchen and looked out the patio door to the back yard, she could see Eric with his family. They were all smiling, sharing stories, and enjoying each other's company. On a day when smiles had been few and far between, she didn't want to interrupt the moment. She felt slightly guilty for leaving without at least saying goodbye to Carmen. Her southern upbringing screamed at her that it was bad manners to just leave. But this was one situation where she thought it was worth making an exception, so she quietly slipped back out the front door.

The confinement of the car on the drive home provided the necessary conditions for Calleigh's mind to wander back over the day's events. And for some reason, no matter how hard she tried to turn it off, to stop it…there was one thing her mind kept playing over and over.

…_Ya tebya lyublyu, Calleigh…Ya tebya lyublyu…I really, really do…_


	14. Chapter 14

_This chapter is gi-normous, I know. I thought about splitting it up, but then thought, why?  
So, you get lots more to read this time around!  
Thanks again to everyone who's left a review! It keeps me going! You guys are the best!_

**Chapter 14**

Horatio had insisted that Eric take off the week following his father's funeral. The guy they'd brought in from swing shift, Matt Reardon, was working out just fine, and Eric not only needed the time with his family to heal, but also to help his mother take care of all the logistical things that came along with losing a loved one. Horatio also knew that Eric just wouldn't be in the right frame of mind to do his job to the level he was capable of if he came back too soon, so the break was warranted for many reasons. Eric only fought the suggestion briefly, but relented soon when he stopped and thought how much was still left to do, and how much he really wanted to be there to help his mom.

It felt strange to Calleigh to not have Eric around for such a long period of time. In all the years she'd known him, there'd been very few stretches where she'd gone so long without seeing him. Friends or not, together or apart, she'd just simply become accustomed to him _being there_, and even though they were no longer on the best of terms, she realized that she missed his presence.

Calleigh took solace in the fact that Eric's time off would be healing, for both he and his family. She knew he needed that. And she also couldn't deny that her guilt wasn't quite as strong when he wasn't physically there and she couldn't see the pain she'd caused him through his body language, in his tone, and in his eyes. She'd texted him a few times, just to see how things were going, and to her surprise and delight he'd responded. She hadn't expected him to. His replies weren't overly revealing, yet he hadn't screamed at her to leave him alone either, so she took that as a positive.

The week passed by, and soon Eric returned to work. It was hectic, as Eric had to work alongside Matt to catch up on what happened while he was gone. Horatio planned to keep Matt around long enough to close up the cases he'd been working on, along with Eric's help. And of course the new cases never stopped coming in, so Eric was kept very busy his first week back. Calleigh didn't see much of him at all. One day, she'd entered the break room while he was having lunch. It was the first time they'd been alone together all week. She sat in the chair beside him with her own salad, but when she'd looked at him he'd seen the concern in her eyes and had immediately backed away. Getting rid of his trash, he'd simply mumbled, "Too soon, Calleigh…too soon" and left her sitting there alone. She hadn't been able to hide it, and he was still not ready to go 'there' with her just yet.

The following week, a double homicide had landed in Calleigh's lap and had her pulling extra hours. It was a rough one – after a nasty divorce, a battered woman had been granted full custody of her 10-year-old son. Her abusive ex-husband, who'd fought her tooth and nail for custody of the boy, had shown up one night and literally beat the woman to within an ounce of her life. The boy, who had witnessed the whole scene and wanted to protect his mother, grabbed a knife from the kitchen and stabbed his father repeatedly in the back, killing him. He'd then called 911 and cried helplessly next to his mother's limp body until help arrived. There wasn't much the paramedics could do, and she'd died before they'd even made it to the hospital.

Cases with kids were always difficult, but this one hit Calleigh hard. This boy not only would live with the memory of watching his mother get beaten to death, but then would have to deal his whole life with the fact that he'd killed his own father. Her insides ached for the poor kid, and she hoped and prayed the legal system would go easy on him considering the circumstances and the beast that his father was. It took 3 days and 2 double shifts to wrap that case up, giving Calleigh an unexpected day off to make up for the extra hours she'd put in.

The case, in addition to her screwed up personal life, had left Calleigh feeling very edgy, jittery and unsettled. She needed to do something to help calm her nerves. Normally, it would be too hot in the middle of the day, but because the temps were unusually mild for a late summer day, Calleigh decided that she'd go running to clear her mind.

Though she hadn't jogged there in a while, Calleigh decided to go to a park not far from the PD for her run. It had scenic trails, was near the water so there was an ever-present and calming ocean breeze, and she hoped the familiarity of the surroundings would help in her quest to find some peace. Hair tied up and out of her face, iPod secured snugly on her armband and muscles adequately stretched out, Calleigh set off on her quest to clear her mind.

An hour later, she was feeling much more settled. The repetitive pounding of her feet against the dirt trails went a long way in calming her nerves, and the beautiful landscape and music coming through her headphones were enough to keep her mind from wandering too far off. As she approached a more populated part of the park near a children's playscape, Calleigh stopped at a lunch cart to buy a bottle of water. As she guzzled the cold liquid, she turned and watched some children playing in a sandbox not far from her. She was envious of those kids – they were playing and laughing and carrying on without a care in the world. When exactly did life get so complicated, anyway?

Shaking her head out of her reverie, she was about to toss her bottle into a recycling bin, when something, or rather someone, caught her eye. Calleigh tilted her head and observed the woman, waiting for her to turn so she could make a positive ID. When the woman called out to someone, her head moved just enough for Calleigh to see that it was in fact Carmen Delko seated on a park bench near the playground. Calleigh froze.

The purpose of this jog was supposed to be to help clear her head of the thoughts that had caused her to be unsettled, and speaking to Carmen now would defeat that purpose. But Calleigh also cared about the woman, and wondered how she was doing in these weeks since Pavel's death. Getting the info from Eric was pretty much a dead end, as she couldn't even get him to talk to her anymore, so this might be her best chance.

Calleigh slowly approached the bench. Just as she was about to speak, Carmen turned and noticed her standing there. Carmen's face broke out into a huge grin, and she quickly got up from the bench and wrapped Calleigh in one of her signature Delko hugs.

"Calleigh! What are you doing here, my dear. Don't you have work today?" Calleigh, slightly embarrassed to have been squeezed that tightly when she was all sweaty and, she was sure, not exactly very fresh-smelling, backed out of the embrace and smiled warmly.

"Hi Carmen. Normally, I _would_ be working today, but I had a crazy case this week and had to work a few doubles, so I ended up having today off. Decided to get in a jog. I love the trails here. It's so beautiful."

Carmen immediately switched over to her 'stern mother' face, grasping the younger woman by the shoulders and demanding, "You don't let them work you too hard, Mija! You need to take care of yourself. Did you get enough rest? Have you been eating? You know, you are looking kind of thin…"

Calleigh laughed at Carmen's rambling. 'Once a mother, always a mother' she guessed. She reached up and grabbed the worried woman's hands as she assured her, "Carmen, I'm just fine. Really. It was just a crazy case, had to put in a little overtime, but I got today off to make up for it. I slept in, am getting some exercise in, and I plan to go home and make myself a nice dinner. But thank you for worrying about me."

"You know I will always worry about you, Calleigh. Come…sit with us." It was then that Calleigh noticed that there was a baby stroller at the end of the bench, and as she looked into it she saw little Nicolas fast asleep. "Gosh, he's gotten so big. He's really starting to look a lot like Anna, isn't he?" Carmen smiled proudly, always happy to gush about her grandbabies. "He sure is! There's no doubt he's a Delko! But if you think he's getting big, look at the girls over there." She pointed over towards a swing set, where Calleigh could see Bella trying to teach Arianna how to 'pump her legs' to make herself go higher.

Calleigh sat on the bench next to Carmen as she watched the girls. "They're really beautiful. I can't believe how fast they're growing up." Carmen hummed in agreement, and the women sat there for a few minutes watching the girls swing higher and higher, giggling louder and louder as they went. Suddenly confused, Calleigh turned to Carmen and asked, "So what brings you to this park? I thought you always took them to that one over in your neighborhood?"

"Well, 'Uncle Eric' called and said he had a light day today, and invited us to come have lunch with him this afternoon. So we did, and after I just thought I'd bring them here…let them explore someplace new. A change of scenery does us all good once in a while."

Calleigh really looked at Carmen, trying to gauge how she was doing emotionally. There was concern evident in her voice as she spoke again. "I've been thinking about you a lot these past few weeks. How are you? How have you been holding up?"

Carmen sighed, and replied honestly, "Ahh, it's been really hard. Pavel was a part of my life since we were just kids. I don't even remember what life was like without him in it. It's hard getting used to him not being there every day."

Calleigh had to look away. While she knew she could in no way fully sympathize with Carmen's predicament, she felt an immense wave of understanding wash over her. No, she and Eric weren't married, and hadn't been together for 40 years. And Eric hadn't died. But she _had_ lost him, even if not to a permanent afterlife. Eric was intricately woven into practically ever fiber of her last decade and then some, which encompassed nearly her whole adult life, and she was reeling from the loss of that. And she knew if she felt the pain of that loss as strongly as she did, what Carmen was going through must be simply unbearable.

Quickly noticing the pensive look on Calleigh's face and knowing exactly the place that she'd brought herself to, Carmen continued. "I've been managing, though. Day by day. And honestly, I don't know what I'd do without Eric. He's been there, every single time I've needed him. He's taken care of everything, all the insurance and financial stuff. I couldn't have handled that all on my own. The girls have helped too, but they have their own families and worries – Maria has her hands full with the girls, and Anna, with her expecting now, I don't want her to worry herself with unnecessary things. But Eric has taken good care of me, and I'm so thankful for him."

Calleigh had shifted her gaze to Carmen immediately upon hearing that Anna was expecting. His sister was pregnant, and he hadn't told her. Calleigh tried to hide the hurt and disappointment at knowing that she was so far gone from his life that she didn't even know about something that held such great significance in his life. His family was everything to him, and the knowledge that he'd soon be an uncle again, she knew, was not something he'd be able to keep to himself. She wondered whom else he'd told while he'd kept her in the dark.

Biting her bottom lip as she tried to push those thoughts from her brain, she drifted back to the rest of what Carmen had told her, and _that_ she'd not been surprised about in the least. With a half grin and a large sigh, she reached out for Carmen's hand and held on tight as she told her, "Well, that doesn't surprise me at all. We all know how steadfast Eric is when it comes to taking care of the people he loves. I wouldn't have expected anything less of him."

Carmen let out a soft giggle. "You know, I'm pretty sure that lunch today was more a way for him to check up on me than anything else. He feels guilty leaving me alone. He's at the house every day. I know it's easier now that he lives closer, but still. I've tried to tell him that I was alone during the day before when Pavel went to work. It was just me and the grandkids then, too…but he doesn't see it that way. He has this need to be there to take care of me. The girls love their Tio Eric though, so we had a nice time today, even if he _was_ just checking up on me."

Something didn't sit right with Calleigh. She turned to Carmen with a furrowed brow and asked, "Lives closer?" Not realizing that Calleigh was unaware, Carmen breezily replied, "Yeah, the new apartment Eric moved into is much closer to our house. I was surprised he took it because it was further from work, but he said it was more important to be close to family."

Calleigh was stunned. "Eric moved?"

It was then that Carmen realized how far apart her son and Calleigh had really drifted. He hadn't even told her he was moving. She wasn't exactly sure what to say. "Yeah, his lease was up at the old place, and he said he just needed to get out of there. Needed something…different."

"Oh" was all Calleigh could bring herself to say. In her mind she knew there were good reasons for Eric to have moved. His mom had said he'd wanted to be closer to family, and she didn't doubt the validity of that. But she couldn't help but think that there were other reasons he would have moved as well. Distance. Both physical and emotional, she'd guess. If he'd moved closer to his parents house, that means he'd put physical distance between them. He was further away from Bal Harbor, and further away from PD…further away from her. And a new apartment, that meant keeping their memories at a distance too. He was starting fresh, starting over, putting his past behind him.

Smiling at the beautiful blonde who she could tell was still madly in love with her son, Carmen squeezed Calleigh's hand quickly before letting go and turning back towards her grandchildren. She was offering the young woman the space she knew she'd need after hearing what she was about to be said. "My Eric, you know, I'm really proud of him. He's a good man. He's been through a lot, but despite it all, he's turned into a man that I'm proud to call my son." Carmen didn't have to look at her to know Calleigh's reaction.

Suddenly fascinated by the label stuck to the water bottle in her hands, Calleigh played Carmen's words over and over in her head, "_a good man…a good man…_" She sadly looked at Eric's mom, repeating her words softly. "A good man." Peeling the label completely off the bottle, she admitted, "He _is_ a good man. He really is." She paused just a moment, before tilting her head and quietly asking, "Carmen, how is he? I mean, I know you said he's taken good care of you, but how is _he_?"

"Oh, you know Eric. He's tried to be strong for all of us. Doesn't want any of us to see him as weak, but I know he misses his Papi. I don't think he's really dealt with it yet, but he won't, not until he sees to it that the rest of us are all okay. You work with him though; you must see him as much as we do. What is he like at work?"

Now uncomfortable with the topic, Calleigh felt her cheeks redden with her embarrassment. "Well I really haven't seen him much since he came back. We've had different cases. And, well..he doesn't…umm, we don't really talk much anymore." Her voice became even quieter in an attempt to hide her shaky nerves. "I didn't even know about Anna, that she was pregnant. He never told me that he moved either."

Carmen's hand stroking Calleigh's hair startled her from her thoughts. It felt strangely familiar, and she closed her eyes to let it help to calm her. She continued, eyes still closed and drawing every ounce of comfort she could from Carmen's welcome gesture. "I just, I feel bad that he's had to go through this alone. I mean, I know he has you guys, he's not really alone." She quickly opened her eyes and looked at Carmen, regret dripping from her every pore. "I never meant to insinuate that you guys aren't there for him. His family is everything to him, and I'm so glad he has you all. I just wish…God I'm not making any sense."

A firm hand continued to keep her grounded, and Calleigh breathed deeply before speaking again, allowing herself to finally admit how she truly felt inside. "I just wish I could have been there for him…more than I was. I wish I could offer him comfort to get through this. I'm worried about him."

Silence fell about the women, each lost in her own thoughts about Eric. Suddenly, a cry of "Abuela!" sliced through the quiet. They both looked up to see Bella and Arianna running in their direction. Suddenly Bella stopped, noticing who was sitting with her grandmother. "Tia Calleigh!" she shouted, grabbing her sister's hand, telling her, "Look Ari, it's Tia Calleigh!"

The two girls bounded ahead as fast as their short legs would carry them, and Calleigh soon found herself wrapped up in four little arms. "Tia Calleigh! I missed you!" exclaimed Bella as she settled herself on the bench between her grandmother and Calleigh. "Me too!" shouted an excited Ari as Calleigh lifted her up to sit on her lap.

Calleigh squeezed them as she told them, "I miss you girls too." And she really did.

She looked down at Bella's gap-toothed grin and smiled. "You, little princess, lost another tooth!" Unconsciously, Bella's tongue stuck through the hole where her tooth used to be. "Yeah. It feels funny. But the tooth fairy gave me FIVE DOLLARS! I only got a dollar for my other ones, but she left me a note and said the front teeth were more important so they're worth more!" Calleigh's head fell back as she laughed. "Five dollars? Wow! You know when I was little, I only got a quarter for my teeth." Bella just shrugged her shoulders as she nonchalantly offered, "Yeah everybody says that. My daddy says it's cuz of inflation, but I don't know what that means." Calleigh and Carmen couldn't help but laugh at the child's candor.

Calleigh then looked down at the wiggly little girl on her lap. "And you, my little monkey, I think those are new shoes." Ari beamed as she showed off her tiny white sneakers. "They're my PRINCESS shoes! They light up, see?" She jumped off Calleigh's lap and stomped her foot on the ground, setting off the blinking pink lights in the soles. Ari reached her arms up to Calleigh again, and as she settled the toddler back on her lap, Calleigh told her, "Those are very cool! They didn't have light up shoes when I was a little girl!"

As she twirled her fingers in the curls of one of Ari's dark brown pigtails, Calleigh was amazed at how much the girls had changed in such a short period of time. Squishing Ari in another hug, she said, "My gosh, I can't believe how tall you've gotten. I think if you keep growing as fast as you are, you're gonna be as tall as me soon!" She punctuated her statement with a tickle to Ari's tummy, which elicited a giggle that was music to Calleigh's ears. Bella had to pipe in her two cents too, of course. "Tio Eric doesn't think you're tall. He said you're short!" Calleigh just rolled her eyes as she told the girls, "Well I guess I am short. But there's nothing wrong with that. You tell your tio that 'good things come in small packages!'

Carmen had been sitting back quietly watching the interaction between Calleigh and her granddaughters. From the minute Eric had brought her home, Bella and Ari had loved Calleigh. If she was around, they tended to be not far from her. She would do their hair, read to them, play games with them. It was clear to Carmen that Calleigh was just a natural with children, and as she watched the scene before her she got the gut feeling that someday, somewhere down the road, she'd see this scene again. Her instincts told her so. She would see Calleigh cradling and hugging her little dark-haired grandchildren in her lap, except when _those_ children looked at Calleigh with their twinkling bright and trusting eyes, they'd be calling her 'Momma' instead of 'Tia Calleigh.'

But…she was getting ahead of herself. She loved thinking about how beautiful the children would be if Eric and Calleigh decided to make her a grandmother again. But obviously a lot of things had to change for that to happen. For example, they had to at least speak to each other. She just hoped that her instincts were right, like they usually were, and that in time the two would work things out.

Carmen loved watching the girls laugh with Calleigh, but she also realized that Eric had just been brought into the conversation. Bella was nothing if not perceptive, so Carmen decided she should step in and move the conversation in another direction before the curious child started asking Calleigh questions that would make her uncomfortable.

"So my little ones, before you noticed Miss Calleigh over here, you were calling for me. What was it that you wanted?" Suddenly remembering, Ari leaned towards her grandmother from Calleigh's lap, her little hand cupped next to her mouth like she was about to share a secret. "Abuela, I hafta go potty." Ari's attempt at 'whispering' was adorable, though rather unsuccessful, as anyone in the immediate vicinity heard that the two-year-old had to use the bathroom. Carmen quietly asked her, "Can you hold it till we get home?" Ari shook her head violently, exclaiming, "No Abuela, I hafta go NOW!"

Carmen looked over to a nearby building that held public restrooms for park-goers to use, then she stood up and began gathering all their things. "Well why don't we say goodbye to Miss Calleigh, then we'll go…"

Calleigh interrupted her. "Carmen, why don't you just go with Ari. I'll stay here with Bella and Nic. No need to disturb him just yet, right?" Carmen looked down to her still sleeping grandson, then back to Calleigh. "Are you sure Calleigh? I can just as easily take them with me." Calleigh waved her off, "Don't be silly, it'll just be for a minute. You go, we'll be fine." Carmen relented, because it really would be easier to just take Ari alone. She thanked Calleigh and took her youngest granddaughter's hand and led her off to take care of her business.

As soon as Carmen was out of earshot, Bella turned to Calleigh, her curiosity getting the best of her. "Tia Calleigh?" Calleigh moved to the other end of the bench so she was next to Nicolas as she replied, "What, Sweetie?" Bella took a minute before she looked up at Calleigh with as serious a look as a 6-year-old could wear, and asked, "Why don't you love Tio Eric anymore?"

Oh. Wow. Well, she hadn't been expecting that. She didn't really even know how to answer the question. She herself didn't understand the situation she was currently in with Eric, how could she explain it to Bella. She reached out and tucked a long strand of loose hair behind Bella's ear. "What makes you think I don't love Tio anymore?"

Bella certainly wasn't shy about sharing her opinions, and soon she was sharing with Calleigh what her 6-year-old mind comprehended about the situation. "Well, I asked Tio why you never came over anymore. And he said it was because you aren't his girlfriend anymore. Mommy said that's why he's always so sad, cuz he misses you. I asked Tio why you weren't his girlfriend anymore, and he said its cuz you don't love him anymore; that you don't want him to be your boyfriend, that you're just regular friends."

Calleigh's heart broke as she listened to Bella, because in it's simplest form, that's exactly what happened. She told Eric that she didn't love him like a 'boyfriend' anymore, that she wanted him as a 'regular' friend. Only now, it was different. Now she realized that she had been wrong. She never stopped loving him as a boyfriend, even though she thought she did; thought she _should_.

Bella broke Calleigh's train of thought when she posed a question. "Tia Calleigh, did you not want Tio for a boyfriend cuz you found another boyfriend?" Calleigh pulled Bella closer to her as she assured her, "No sweetie. I didn't find another boyfriend. And listen to me, your Uncle Eric and I, we are good friends. We always will be, okay?"

Bella nodded and climbed onto Calleigh's lap, as her sister had earlier, and rested her head on Calleigh's shoulder. Her next question she asked a little more hesitantly than her others. "You always used to give me big hugs and tell me that you loved me. If you don't love Tio anymore, did you stop loving me too?"

Calleigh couldn't stop the tears that ran down her face. She officially felt like the worst person in the world. She sat Bella up and held her face in her hands, making her look directly at her. "Oh, baby…no. Of course I didn't stop loving you. I will always love you, sweetie. You are very special to me, and don't ever forget that, okay?"

Reaching her little hand up to wipe away a tear from Calleigh's face, Bella mumbled, "Okay." Then, after thoughtfully looking at Calleigh for a few seconds, told her, "You look sad, like Tio Eric. He's always sad. I miss when he used to smile and have fun with us. He's _always_ at Abuela's, but we don't do anything fun anymore."

Suddenly Bella's little face lit up like she had some big idea. She looked up to the sky as she mischievously tapped her finger to her cheek as she pondered, "Maybe…" drawing the word out for several seconds. Calleigh grinned at the precocious child and asked, "Maybe what?"

Bella, now excited about her new idea, looked at Calleigh with twinkling eyes. "Well, if you and Tio are friends, then maybe you could still come to Abuela's. You can be his regular friend instead of his girlfriend. He just won't have to kiss you anymore. My friends come over to my house to play, and we have lots of fun and there's no kissing. So maybe if you come over, we can do fun stuff and you and Tio won't be so sad anymore."

Calleigh couldn't help but giggle at Bella's innocent solution. If only it were as easy as simply 'removing the kissing' to get she and Eric's relationship back on track. Of course it was funny that Bella seemed to imply that kissing was a necessary part of the boyfriend/girlfriend experience that wasn't exactly enjoyable. No, Calleigh was sure that kissing was one requirement of being Eric's girlfriend that she had been pretty fond of, and she knew the feeling was mutual.

Right now, though, she couldn't be thinking about kissing Eric. Right now, even though she thought Bella's master plan was adorably cute, Bella was downright serious and was looking to Calleigh for validation that she'd come up with the perfect solution. So she sighed and tried to be as honest as she could be.

"I think that sounds like a great idea, Bella, but…well, your Uncle Eric is kinda mad at me right now, and I don't think he really wants me to come over to Abuela's." Without missing a beat, Bella asked, "Were you mean to him? Is that why he's mad at you?"

Calleigh sighed, worrying her lower lip as she tried to figure out how to explain this in a way that didn't make she or Eric look like a bad guy in Bella's eyes. Ultimately she settled for a watered down version of the truth. "You know, I guess I kinda was, Bella. I didn't mean to be, but I made a mistake. And I hurt your Tio Eric's feelings."

Ever perceptive, Bella offered Calleigh her own sage advice. "Mommy tells me that it's okay to make mistakes. You just have to 'pologize. If you say sorry, maybe Tio won't be mad anymore!"

Calleigh smiled and hugged Bella tight. "How did you get so smart? Huh? You're smarter than I was when I was 6 years old, that's for sure!" Bella giggled, but wasn't satisfied that her plan was in action yet. She anxiously looked to Calleigh and asked, "So are you gonna 'pologize to Tio Eric? Then he can forgive you and you can be friends again and you can come over to see us!"

Putting her forehead to Bella's and rubbing their noses in an 'Eskimo' kiss, Calleigh promised, "I'll do my best, Bella. I will apologize to Tio Eric and hopefully we can be friends again, okay?" Content she'd done her job, Bella nodded her head in assent and happily chirped, "Okay!"

Bella snuggled back into Calleigh's lap, reaching up to run her fingers through the long blonde hair in Calleigh's ponytail. Calleigh could tell something else was still bothering her. Rubbing the girl's back, she asked, "What's wrong, Sweet Pea? Cat got your tongue?" She'd hoped her attempt at light-heartedness would cheer Bella up, but the child had just shrugged her little shoulders and looked up at her with sad, dark eyes.

"Mommy said I shouldn't call you Tia Calleigh anymore…cuz you're not _really_ my Tia, and it makes Tio sad when I call you that." Calleigh was beginning to wonder just how many times her heart could break in the span of a few minutes. She had never even thought about how the break-up might affect any of Eric's family, especially his nieces. It floored her to know how affected Bella was by it all, and Calleigh hated herself for having brought upon the distress the little girl seemed to be having over it.

Running her fingers through Bella's long brown hair, Calleigh tried to find comforting words. "Sweetie, it's okay if you don't call me Tia anymore. I understand. We don't want your Uncle Eric to be sad, right?" Bella nodded. "Well, how bout you just call me Calleigh instead?" Bella rolled her eyes in an exaggerated fashion and grumbled, "Mommy said I hafta call you 'Miss Calleigh,' but I think that makes you sound like my teacher." Calleigh smiled at the scoff Bella made, but the smile quickly faded when the little girl sadly looked at her and said, "I wish you _were_ my real Tia," before tucking herself back up against Calleigh's chest. Calleigh held on, kissed the top of Bella's head, and replied, "Me too, Sweet Pea. Me too."

Carmen watched the exchange between the two as she returned from the restroom with Arianna. She could tell they weren't talking about butterflies and princesses, and wondered if maybe it hadn't been a good idea to leave Bella alone with Calleigh. As they got nearer to the bench, Ari ran ahead, excitedly announcing, "I'm back!" Bella perked up and started chatting happily with her sister. Carmen looked at Calleigh and asked, "Is everything okay?"

Calleigh smiled, putting Bella on the ground as she stood up. "Everything's fine." Carmen raised her brow in her best "are you sure" glare, and Calleigh assured her, "Really. I promise."

Accepting Calleigh's response, Carmen began rounding up her grandchildren and all their things. "Say goodbye to Miss Calleigh, girls!" They both threw their arms around Calleigh's legs as they offered their goodbyes. Then Calleigh thought back to something Bella had said earlier. She crouched down and pulled Bella close, wrapping her in a hug as she told her, "I love you, Sweet Pea. You know that, right?" Bella's face lit up as she threw her arms around Calleigh's neck and said, "Love you too!" Calleigh then grabbed Ari and squeezed her too. "I love you too, my little monkey!" Ari giggled and planted a big wet kiss on Calleigh's cheek.

Standing up, Calleigh then hugged Carmen, telling her how good it was to see her and to call if she needed anything. As they were about to leave, Carmen turned one last time to Calleigh and said, "Everything's going to work out, Mija. In time, it will all work itself out. Just you wait and see." With a wink, she and the girls were gone.

And as Calleigh stood there, she prayed that Carmen was right. She just had to think of a way to speed up the process. She'd come here to clear her mind, and as she returned to her car, she wasn't at all upset that she hadn't been successful. No, her mind wasn't clear…but right now, she didn't want it to be. She had mistakes to atone for, apologies to make, a relationship to salvage. As her mind buzzed with ideas on how to accomplish all those things, she couldn't help but smile a little at the thought that it took a 6 year old to kick her butt in gear.

As Calleigh drove home, she thought about a lot of things. But the one thing she kept coming back to put everything else in perspective – she wholeheartedly _did_ want to be Bella's real Tia someday. And no matter how hard it would be, she would do whatever it took to make that happen.


	15. Chapter 15

_So, if you actually still remember me, I'm sure you want to string me up by my toes and throw things at me.  
My sincerest apologies for my nearly 2 month absence from FF. I honestly can't offer up an amazing excuse other than this: this New England winter kicked my arse. We've had record setting snowfall totals - so between snow removal, convalescing after hurting my back a bit during snow removal, and generally suffering from the normally not so extreme effects of my S.A.D. (yes, Seasonal Affective Disorder does exist), writing FanFiction just wasn't happening. But_ _I promise you, I'll never abandon this story fully. It will be completed eventually. There may be breaks, but I could never NOT finish it.  
To those of you who reviewed, sent me PM's, or sought me out on Facebook or Twitter to beg me to update soon - your encouragment means everything. Your kind words and faith in my story will always be appreciated, more than you could know! So thanks, a million times!  
This season has been such a let down with no E/C...but maybe it's going to turn a corner now. Adam's ep airs Sunday, on my BIRTHDAY! Emily will be back for real. Seeing the pix of her with her sweet baby girl lifted my spirits for sure. It finally gave me inspiration to get back to this. So with that said, here ya go...Chapter 15. I own nothing recognizable, ya know, all that jazz. Enjoy, and review if you do. :)_

**Chapter 15**

Having spent the bulk of her morning cooped up in her lab processing ballistics evidence, Calleigh decided to treat herself to an early lunch. Truth be told, she sorely needed the break not because she was hungry – she simply found she could not make herself focus on her work today. While she should be finding and matching bullet stria, a task normally so rote she could practically do it with her eyes closed, all she could see and focus on was a pair of big, inquisitive but sad brown eyes as they questioned her…

"_Why don't you love Tio Eric anymore?"_

The question had hit her hard. In fact, the whole conversation she'd had with Bella in the park yesterday had hit her hard. Calleigh's subconscious had not let her think of anything _but _that conversation since she'd left the park.

A pit of guilt and regret had set up shop in her stomach as she'd pondered the things Bella had said: Eric never smiled anymore, he wasn't happy. She'd hurt him so deeply that he couldn't even glean some joy from being with his family, his nieces whom he adored so much.

The guilt Calleigh felt at that realization, knowing how it truly affected not only him, but the girls and the rest of his family as well, weighed heavily on her heart. So much so that the usually put-together CSI had cried herself to sleep last night thinking about how Eric had explained to Bella that Calleigh's sudden absence was due to the fact that she no longer loved him; thinking about how Bella had feared that Calleigh no longer cared about her either; thinking about how both of those ideas couldn't be _any_ further from the actual truth.

Needless to say, it had been a mostly sleepless night.

While Calleigh knew _what_ she needed to do to rectify the whole situation, the _how_ was still eluding her. How could she tell Eric that she had in fact been more wrong than she ever had been in her whole life? How could she tell him that she never did stop loving him? How could she tell him that she wanted him more than anyone, or any_thing_ for that matter?

In theory, it seemed so easy. Go to Eric, tell him she screwed up, apologize and beg for forgiveness. Not all that complicated on paper. Even Bella had that part figured out. The problem was, she couldn't even get Eric to stick around in the same room for a few minutes to carry on a friendly conversation. How on earth would she convince him to agree to have a true soul-bearing heart-to-heart? She wondered, with a small grin, if Bella could possibly have a solution for that too.

Calleigh was lost in her thoughts as she walked briskly down the brightly illuminated hall towards the break room. As she neared the room, her pace slowed considerably when she noticed the very subject of her mind's ramblings. He was seated at one of the tables, a bright smile upon his face. She couldn't help the grin that tugged at her own lips – it was something that happened subconsciously. When Eric was happy, there was a part of her that, despite anything else that was happening in her life, became happy as well.

Her smile soon faded as she fully approached the room, the large windows allowing her a view of the whole picture and to see the reason behind the smile on Eric's face. She'd stopped in her tracks, all signs of the happiness that had crept up on her a moment ago now completely disappeared. She'd expected that she'd discover Eric's break companion to be Ryan or Walter, maybe even Natalia. She'd have been okay with any of those scenarios.

But not this one.

Finding Eric seated with Dr. Victoria Mercier had not been on her radar. Watching the two of them chat light-heartedly and animatedly, laughing and smiling at each other – well that just felt like a punch to the gut.

All the feelings that Calleigh had experienced the day she'd seen them in the autopsy theatre came flooding back to her, only this time she honestly felt like she was drowning in them. Now, it wasn't misplaced jealousy. She knew Dr. Mercier's intentions, and that knowledge combined with seeing Eric's apparent affinity for the doctor cemented one thought in Calleigh's mind – this woman definitely posed a threat to Calleigh's plan to get Eric back.

Calleigh's first instinct was to run – gather her dignity and high tail it back to the safety of her ballistics lab. Normally, that wasn't like Calleigh at all. Normally, when faced with a threat, she fought it head on. When she had a plan, nothing got in her way of following through. But it was completely different when it came to affairs of the heart, or rather, affairs of _her _heart. Protecting her heart had always been more important than anything, and if that meant a threat went undefended, or a plan went uncompleted, then so be it.

But something had changed in Calleigh, and right now she knew putting her heart on the line was more important than anything else. She couldn't run again. Not now. Not if she was going to have any chance of getting him back.

Gathering herself with a deep breath, Calleigh entered the break room and headed towards the refrigerator. Neither occupant in the room made much notice of her being there, both still laughing at something that had been said before she'd made her entrance. As silence enveloped the room, Calleigh smiled sweetly at the pair as she sat at a nearby table with her lunch. Her greeting broke the silence.

"Hey Eric…Dr. Mercier. What did I miss out on? The way ya'll are laughing…did I miss the big joke?" She hoped like hell her voice sounded conversational, and wasn't tinged with the jealousy that was currently running hot through her every vein.

Victoria looked over tentatively at Calleigh, offering up a quiet, "Hello, Detective Duquesne." It wasn't enough for Calleigh to get a read on the woman.

Eric responded without a glance at Calleigh, choosing instead to busy himself with gathering the up the remnants of his lunch.

"Hey, Calleigh. No big joke. Victoria and I were just talking about soccer."

Calleigh had just taken a bite of her salad, but stopped chewing as she looked at Eric in confusion. "Soccer?"

Victoria and Eric both smiled at each other as Victoria replied, "Well, 'Little People' soccer, anyway."

Finally, Eric looked at Calleigh, a smile still clinging to his lips. "Yeah, it turns out that Vic's niece is on the same soccer team as Bella. We ran into each other at their game last night. We were just talking about how cute the kids are, and how competitive some of the parents can be."

Calleigh tried hard not to let the tension she was feeling over take her body, though she couldn't even begin to control the way her fingers gripped her fork like they wanted to strangle it.

Vic. They'd become close enough that he'd developed a nickname for her. That suggested a level of intimacy that she wasn't ready to accept. She was no longer 'Cal' but this woman he barely knew was now 'Vic." The hurt brought upon by that fact was almost more than Calleigh could handle.

As Eric got up to throw his trash in the barrel, Victoria stood up as well, grabbing her purse from the table.

"I guess I should go down and see what it was that Tom asked me to come in for. I got sidetracked here, and I bet he's really wondering what's taking me so long to get there."

Eric quickly made his way towards the door, following closely behind Victoria.

"Well my break's over. I'll walk you down there. Maybe Tom will be ready with the results of my DB from this morning by now anyway."

Eric briefly turned to Calleigh, waving as he walked out the door and offering to her, "See ya Calleigh. Enjoy your lunch!" Victoria gave a small wave of her own, and then the two were gone.

Suddenly, Calleigh's appetite disappeared. Her tasty grilled chicken salad suddenly made her stomach churn. She knew it wasn't actually the salad that was making her ill, and as much as she wanted to take out her frustration on the leafy, healthy meal by tossing it angrily in the trash, she prevented herself from doing so. Though she still could not bring herself to eat one more bite.

As she stared blankly into her Tupperware container, she was wishing she'd gone with her first instinct and not entered the break room in the first place. If she'd just retreated to her lab like she'd wanted to, maybe right now she wouldn't feel so ill. This was so much worse than that day in autopsy, because now she knew exactly what she wanted. Back then she still wasn't sure.

But now – now she wanted Eric back again, there was no doubt about it. And now, it made her physically ill thinking about the fact that he seemed to be moving past her. That he might now have the beginnings of romantic feelings for someone else. At least, she could only hope it was only the _beginnings_ of those feelings.

Eric and Victoria now had reason to spend time together outside of Miami Dade PD. They would have the opportunity to see each other in a casual, non-work related setting. A chance to get to know each other on a more personal level. Calleigh now had some definite competition. And _that_ scared the shit out of her, because she _knew_ Eric. She knew the man he was, despite whatever faults he had that she'd mistakenly used to keep him at arm's length. She knew how easy it would be for someone to fall for him. And she knew how completely he could love someone. She knew, and she didn't want him completely loving anyone but _her_.

The jealousy Calleigh felt in this moment compared to nothing she'd ever felt in her life. Not only was Victoria getting to just generally spend time with Eric, but she was making him smile, evoking a happiness in him she hadn't seen in a long time. And what incited her ire the most was the fact that the catalyst for the two of them getting closer was Eric's family. Bella. Calleigh had no words to describe how undeniably unsettled she felt thinking about Eric and Victoria spending time together, with Bella. Or Arianna. Or Nicolas.

Calleigh had no claim to them herself, but God…it should be her there with Eric and those kids. It was _she_ who loved them like they were her own family. It was she who still had their photos in her home, their colored pictures attached to the side of her refrigerator. Victoria didn't know those kids, didn't care about them like she did.

Calleigh closed her eyes and thought back to yesterday, her time spent with Bella and Arianna. She thought about Ari's sloppy kisses and about Bella absentmindedly running her fingers through Calleigh's hair. "_Say your sorry,_" Bella had suggested. The innocence in the thinking that an apology would right all the wrongs choked Calleigh up and brought tears to her eyes. If only.

Calleigh reached to the clip on her belt and removed her cell phone. She was frustrated and angry and confused…and she needed help. She needed someone to talk to. Opening the phone, Calleigh dialed the familiar number, praying there'd be an answer on the other end. It took three rings.

"_Alexx Woods._"

Just hearing Alexx's voice was comforting enough for Calleigh to allow a few of her unshed tears to fall. Though she'd tried to remain composed, her voice was shaky when she replied, "Hey, Alexx."

"_Calleigh, hi! Baby, are you okay? What's wrong?_"

Leave it to Alexx to detect immediately from two spoken words over a phone line that something was wrong. Calleigh shook her head and nibbled on her lip. Avoiding small talk, she got right to the point.

"Alexx, you know how you said that we could get together for dinner, and uh…talk?" She paused a moment, and Alexx heard the sniffle Calleigh had tried to conceal. "Do you think we could, maybe, do that tonight?"

Alexx's response was immediate. "Baby, what time does your shift end?"

Calleigh, ever worried about taking care of other people's issues before her own, backtracked a bit. "Or if you're busy, it doesn't have to be tonight, Alexx. We could just wait till you have some free…"

"_Calleigh!_" It was stern, and Calleigh knew Alexx meant business.

"I, um…I'm off at 6 tonight."

"_Okay then. I'll be at your place at 7._"

Calleigh sighed heavily. She knew she could always count on Alexx, and she knew she needed her right now more than she ever had.

"Thanks, Alexx."

The two friends said their goodbyes, and Calleigh returned to work with the knowledge that later she'd be able to confide in her dear friend about her screwed up life and her messed up emotions. And that was the sole reason she would even be capable of getting through the rest of her shift.


	16. Chapter 16

_Happy Spring, everyone! I must say, a few days of 60* weather has me in much better spirits for sure!  
Thanks to all of you who've been patient with me and this story. Your reviews and encouragment are invaluable. Your reward, today anyway, is a MONSTER chapter. Well, monster by my standards anyway. But this conversation warranted the designation of 'monster'. Ha. I think many of you will be excited about the outcome. A turning point of sorts. This conversation was a long time coming, and will set the tone for the rest of the story. So enjoy & Happy Weekend, Happy Spring, Happy "Day Before CSI:Miami airs," Happy Whatever...  
And thanks for all the Birthday wishes. I had a lovely weekend with friends and family. Even got to dine at a Bobby Flay restaurant :)_

**Chapter 16**

Alexx stood on Calleigh's front stoop, bag of take-out in hand, waiting for the younger woman to answer the door. After their earlier conversation, Alexx had called Calleigh and told her that she would pick up some dinner on her way over so Calleigh didn't have to fuss over making a meal. Alexx had a pretty strong sense of what was bothering her friend, and had decided she wasn't going to let Calleigh hide behind the distraction of cooking. That girl needed to talk, and Alexx was determined to make her do it.

When Calleigh opened the door, Alexx could see she'd changed out of her work attire into some more casual and comfortable clothes – a pair of jeans and a sunny yellow tank top. She was also lacking her usual three-inch height booster, as her trademark heels had been replaced by a pair of casual flip-flops. Alexx smiled to herself, being reminded that despite the persona that Calleigh put forth, she was, in fact, just a little bit of a thing. Her demonstrative personality definitely belied her petite stature.

"Hey, Alexx." Calleigh stepped out and wrapped her friend in an immense hug. Alexx knew immediately that Calleigh's mood was nowhere near as sunny as the color of her top. Alexx broke the embrace, moving she and Calleigh through the door and into the house. She smiled warmly at her friend, holding up the bag she still held in her hand and knowing the reaction she was about to get.

"Is that what I think it is?" Calleigh's voice rose high in excitement, and Alexx knowingly nodded her head. "It sure is! Our favorite. Now let's get it to the kitchen before it gets cold."

Being a native of Louisiana, Calleigh had grown up on Southern food, and she loved it all – from grits to gumbo. She had discovered a little hole-in-the-wall joint in Miami not long after she'd moved there, called Mae & J's Soul Food. When she had a hankering for some true southern cuisine, like barbeque, brisket, fried chicken or collard greens, and she just didn't have the time to prepare it herself from one of her grandmother's recipe's, Mae and J's is where she went. She frequented the establishment often, and on occasion, Alexx had joined her there.

Alexx put the bag on the kitchen counter and removed the containers from inside, the pungent odors now permeating the air and immediately inundating Calleigh with a sense of comfort. Baked macaroni and cheese. Fried okra. Comfort food. Calleigh felt warmed by Alexx's gesture – somehow she'd known just what Calleigh needed, and Calleigh couldn't express her gratefulness.

Alexx slyly glanced at Calleigh as she spoke. "I'm assuming that you probably have a pitcher of sweet tea in that fridge of yours that would make the perfect compliment to this meal." Calleigh just giggled as she made her way to said appliance, emerging momentarily with a large container of the beverage.

"You know me too well, Alexx!"

Soon they were seated at the dining room table, glasses full and plates covered with generous portions of the delicious food. Calleigh was not exactly sure how to go about even starting this conversation, and Alexx could tell. Deciding to ease her friend into the difficult discussion that would soon follow, Alexx began with some small talk. They talked about Calleigh's dad and how he was faring back in Louisiana, about Alexx's daughter and how she'd just started her first semester of college at Clemson and how hard it had been for Alexx to drop Jamie off and go back home without her. By the time the conversation turned to CSI, and their mutual friends, they were cleaning their dishes.

Once the kitchen was back to spotless, they'd already spoken of Horatio, Ryan and Natalia. Alexx took Calleigh by the hand and led her to the living room, where they both sat down on the couch. Calleigh had found a spot on the floor that seemed to keep her attention as she fiddled with her fingers on her lap. Alexx knew she was going to have to be the one to start, so she did.

"Sugar, as nice as it's been catching up on old times, that's not why I'm here, is it? We've talked about everyone except the one person I think we really need to talk about."

Calleigh sighed and nodded her head lightly. Her response was barely a whisper.

"Eric."

"Yes. Eric. Now why don't you tell me what happened with you two, baby girl."

Calleigh threw herself back against the couch, looked up towards the ceiling and closed her eyes. "I don't even know where to begin, Alexx."

"Well, I would imagine the problem probably began around the time Eric tried to help his birth-father escape from the Russian mob and ended up in the hospital. That seems as good a place to start as any."

Alexx grabbed a hold of Calleigh's right hand and held it snugly between her own two, and Calleigh was thankful for the contact.

"Yeah, that's when things first started going wrong, I guess. I mean, I _told_ him to stay away from Alexander; that he was just dangerous and not worth the trouble. But did he listen to me? No! He had to go try to save the man from a life of crime that he _chose_, and in the end, Eric got hurt. I hurt him, Alexx. I shot at him, and I could have _killed_ him."

Squeezing her friend's hand a little tighter, Alexx sighed. She knew it wasn't going to be easy, and that Calleigh wasn't going to like it one bit, but she was going to have to play the role of the Devil's Advocate here.

"Well, Calleigh…first of all…Eric is an adult. He's going to make his own decisions."

Calleigh started to protest, but Alexx stopped her with a raise of her eyebrow, a tilt of her head and a stern look in her eye. She continued.

"And while I know that when you became a couple, his decisions began to affect more than just himself, you need to think about this. You were adamant that he stay away from his father. But put yourself in his shoes. He had just found out his father wasn't who he thought he was. His father was an evil man, who'd done evil things. Imagine what that would be like, knowing you shared blood with someone like that. But that man helped Eric when he was about to lose everything. He was about to lose his job, _you_, his life here in Miami. His father stepped up, forced or not, and offered the information needed to keep him here. Eric felt that deep down, there had to be some good in his father _somewhere_ for him to do that. All he wanted to do, Calleigh, was find _that_ man…the man that had helped his son. Don't you think that's who you'd want to see if Alexander was your father? Wouldn't you want to look past the criminal and find something you could connect with?"

Calleigh knew that Alexx was right, but she was just stubborn enough to not tell her so. She remained reclined against the back of the couch, but she opened her eyes to look at Alexx. Alexx could see the resignation in Calleigh's eyes, and decided to add something she wasn't sure Calleigh would take too well.

"Calleigh, I understand you were just worried about his welfare, but try to come at it from this perspective. When you think about your dad, you don't want people to see him as an alcoholic, do you?"

A moment of rage flashed through Calleigh's deep green eyes, angry that Alexx would go _there._ But after that moment, she understood the reasoning and she softened a bit. She looked away as she replied with a quiet, "No, I don't."

"Exactly," Alexx stated. "It's no different with Eric. He only wanted his dad to be someone he wasn't ashamed of. And so even though it was dangerous, he tried to help him. Just like you've helped _your_ dad all these years. And he didn't tell you because you'd made it abundantly clear that you didn't approve. But you and I both know how fiercely loyal that man is. It wasn't ideal, but Alexander was his father and he had to at least try. But that didn't mean he loved _you _any less."

Now getting restless, Calleigh pulled her hand from Alexx's and uneasily changed her position on the couch.

"I know that, Alexx. But it wasn't just that. I mean, I thought we'd moved on from that. Then all of a sudden he quits CSI. He hadn't even told me he was thinking about that. At first I was devastated, but then I thought maybe it would be for the best, since we didn't have to hide our relationship anymore if he didn't work there. Then he took off to Puerto Rico. Alone. After that I didn't really know where we stood."

Alexx was glad they were finally delving into uncharted territory. The situation with Alexander, she knew about. She had heard both sides of that story already. It was what occurred afterwards that she was unsure of, as she'd only really spoken with Eric about that period of time.

"So, baby, what happened after he came back from Puerto Rico?"

This was all starting to get to be too much for Calleigh. Talking about her feelings wasn't her forte, especially when talking to a third party about a relationship. But she knew she needed to do this, needed to put it out there in order to get the help she needed to move on. And this was Alexx. She was frightened to death, but Alexx was safe. Alexx would truly have her best interests at heart. She kicked off her flip-flops, tucked her legs underneath her on the couch, clasped her hands in her lap and began.

"Well, like I said when he left I wasn't exactly sure where we stood. We didn't break up, but things weren't like they used to be either. I missed him so much, Alexx. After the thing with his dad, I had almost lost him. Then when he'd recovered, I didn't really get to spend much time with him before he took off. When he got back, and he showed up to work on that case for the defense, it was so good to see him. It didn't take us long to fall back into some old patterns. He's been my best friend for so long, it just felt comforting to be near him again. But we never really talked about anything, never truly worked it all out."

Calleigh fidgeted again, a bit embarrassed about what she was about to admit.

"He was spending every night at my place. It was almost like I couldn't fall asleep unless I had his arms around me. And I knew we needed to figure some things out, but he was there, and real, and I felt like he was safe if he was with me. I figured we had time to work out the rest. It wasn't _just _physical, because I honestly did care about him a lot. I always had, and I think I always will. I really thought we were on the right track."

Alexx was so glad that Calleigh was allowing herself to open up and share her feelings. She knew how hard this was for her friend, and she didn't want to interrupt the flow, so she was keeping most of her thoughts to herself for the time being, simply asking, "Is this where the "but" comes in?"

Nodding her head sadly, Calleigh looked up with a hint of tears starting to form in her eyes.

"Yeah, a big "but." Things started going missing from the lab, evidence. I had been happy about Eric's new job with the Assistant State's Attorney, I thought it would be good for him. But then Rebecca Nevins had him investigating the lab to see where the evidence had gone. She made him wear a wire and he was looking into all our personal lives, and he never even told me. Natalia knew, but I didn't. He lied to me again, Alexx. As much as I loved him, I just…I just didn't feel like I could trust him anymore."

Now they were getting to the meat of the problem, and Alexx was ready to dig in. "Did he accuse you of taking the evidence?"

"No," Calleigh answered defensively.

"Did he accuse anyone else of taking the evidence?"

"Well, Rebecca questioned Walter about info Eric found in his bank statement."

Alexx smiled. "But Eric himself didn't accuse Walter, or anyone else?"

"No, but Alexx…"

Alexx interrupted quickly, "No, Calleigh. Let me finish. Did Eric purposely tell Natalia what was going on?"

Now Calleigh felt like a child getting scolded by her parents. She stared in her lap as she answered, "No, she found out because the wire Eric was wearing interfered with her hearing aide."

Silence hung in the air between them for a few moments – Alexx letting the younger woman think about things for a moment before continuing.

"Calleigh, Eric didn't want to sneak around the lab digging up dirt on all of you, but do you know why he did it?" No response, so Alexx pressed on. "He did it because he cares about all of you in that lab, and he_ knew_ it wasn't any of his friends that had stolen the evidence. He knew that, and he also knew that if Nevins had put anyone else on the case, they _wouldn't_ have known that. In Eric's eyes, none of you were the suspects, but in someone else's eyes, you all would've been the main suspects, and he wasn't about to let that happen. He wasn't going to have any of his friends' pasts dredged up or their previous mistakes brought into question."

"I get that Alexx. But why didn't he just _tell_ me. I would have understood that, instead of him lying to me about it."

Shaking her head, Alexx softly countered, "He _couldn't,_ baby. He couldn't tell anyone. He couldn't tip his hand, and you know that."

"But he should have known that I wouldn't have said anything. He should have told me."

Calleigh's stubborn nature seemed to know no bounds. Alexx almost smirked at her, but held it back, not wanting to make Calleigh feel disrespected.

"Well ignoring the fact that the nature of the investigation required that he _not_ tell you, think about this. Say he did tell you, and you knew everything that was going on while the others didn't. Everyone was pretty upset with Eric when he was poking around, were they not? Think of the position you would have been in. Here's the man you love, and all your coworkers are upset with him. Can you honestly say that you wouldn't have tried to defend him, putting yourself in an awkward position? Can you honestly say if things had gotten bad, that you wouldn't have then told them the truth, trusting them implicitly as I'm sure you do, just so they'd know they could trust _him_?"

"I wouldn't have…"

"I'm sorry, Calleigh. But I think that's a load of bull."

Calleigh looked in shock at her friend. It was the harshest thing she could remember Alexx ever saying to her.

Alexx softened, having gotten Calleigh's attention like she'd wanted. "Listen to me Calleigh. You and Eric have been close forever. I've watched you defend him and his actions for years…to Horatio, to Ryan, to Stetler. When this particular situation happened, you weren't just close - you were in love. Deeply in love. And you will never convince me that if his actions in that investigation had been questioned, that you wouldn't have defended him as staunchly as you always have. And that might have blown his cover, and just maybe Ryan might still be behind bars instead of Rick."

Though she didn't want to, Calleigh relented at the thought that Ryan could've ended up taking the flak if Eric hadn't helped the team figure out it was Stetler that was crooked.

Knowing she'd finally gotten through to Calleigh, Alexx moved on, hoping to find out the real reason why she was here tonight, at Calleigh's request.

"Okay, so this all happened months ago, Calleigh. You made your decision, decided you couldn't trust Eric anymore, and broke it off, no?" Calleigh nodded. "So what's going on now, that had you so desperate that you called me needing to talk tonight? Something happened. Tell me, sugar."

Sighing heavily, Calleigh dropped her head into her hands. She wasn't sure how she was going to put this all into a coherent thought, so she just blurted what came to mind.

"Alexx, it's not just something that happened today. After everything that happened, I knew I couldn't be with Eric romantically anymore. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone I couldn't trust. I just didn't realize how much I would miss him. Eric…he's been my best friend for years. We'd always been close, and I guess I had this mistaken idea that we still would be. That he'd still be in my life. But he's so distant now. He must be so furious, because he won't talk to me anymore. He won't even look at me. I know when I was with Jake he was angry with me then too, but he was still my best friend. I could still go to him, count on him, talk to him. Now…I've lost him completely. And I miss him."

Alexx's heart was breaking for Calleigh. She could see her inner turmoil, and reached over to pull her into a hug. Suddenly, the tears Calleigh had been holding back all day broke forth, as Calleigh repeated, "I miss him, Alexx."

She pulled herself out of the warm embrace, and suddenly all her emotions came bubbling forth.

"Alexx, I'm lonely and I miss him. Not just as my best friend, but as my partner. I miss how gentle he was with me and how he treated me like a lady, yet still respected that I'm a strong woman. I miss him holding me at night. I miss his corny jokes. He doesn't call me 'Cal' anymore, and I miss that. I miss his family. I miss the way he looked at me. No one ever looked at me quite the way he did. I just…I miss getting to have him love me."

The words were flowing and she hadn't been able to stop them. As she took a shaky breath and sniffled, she threw herself against the back of the couch again, covering her eyes with her forearm.

"God Alexx, and now I see him with Victoria…and she makes him smile, and I haven't been able to make him smile in months."

A bit taken aback, Alexx quickly questioned, "Victoria? As in Dr. Mercier? They're…together?"

Calleigh shoved her arm away from her face, slapping the couch cushion next to her. Though she hadn't meant to, she yelled, "I don't know!"

Quickly regretting the outburst, she apologetically looked toward her friend, offering more quietly, "I'm sorry Alexx. I don't know. Dear Lord, I hope not. I just know that she makes him smile, and they see each other outside of the lab sometimes, and he calls her Vic. I know when I see them together, I have to fight off the urge to scream and hit something."

Getting her breathing more under control, Calleigh just shook her head as she looked into Alexx's dark eyes, searching for the answers. "I want him back, Alexx. But I messed everything up, and I don't know if I can fix it. I don't know what to do."

Finally it was all out on the table. Calleigh had finally bared her soul, and even Alexx wasn't sure whether or not it was too late to make a difference. She hugged her friend, knowing it wasn't going to take her pain away, but hoping she'd at least draw some comfort from it. When Calleigh's sobs had died down some, she pulled the blonde away, but held her tightly by the shoulders. There was no way Calleigh could escape her gaze.

Looking deeply into her eyes, Alexx began. "I'm going to tell you something, and I need to you to really listen to me, Calleigh. Listen with an open mind. There may be things you don't want to hear, but I need to you respect me enough to consider what I have to say. Agreed?" Calleigh gave a silent nod.

There was hesitation in Alexx's voice. "I'm not even sure if I should be telling you this, but I'm going to. And this is between you and me. Got it?" Another nod.

Alexx inhaled deeply, dropping her hands to hold onto Calleigh's, tears now forming in her own eyes.

"I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty, you just need to know. When everything happened…when you left Eric, well he took it pretty hard. Hard isn't exactly the word. He lost it. He was as broken a man as I'd ever seen. I held him while he cried, Calleigh. He didn't feel like he had any reason to go on without you." Her own tears began to fall.

"Alexx…"

"No, you said you'd listen. So let me finish. He told me how you wanted to still be friends with him. He couldn't do that Calleigh. He still loved you so much, and was so hurt. There was no way he could be around you and hide that love and that hurt. And then Pavel passed. He was so lost. He called me the next day, and I was honestly afraid for him. He was still grieving you, and then his dad, and now he had all these responsibilities and he was overwhelmed. I convinced him that he needed more than me…that he needed to see someone trained to help him work through his grief. He agreed and got into therapy right away. He knew it had helped him in the past and was open to starting again to help him through this. I was thankful, because to be completely honest, if he hadn't I'm afraid of what he might have done. That's how out of control he was."

Calleigh's pain existed on so many levels. She didn't want to hear another word, yet at the same time she wanted to hear everything Alexx knew. She remained quiet as Alexx continued.

"I've checked up on him a lot since then. He's doing better; the therapy is helping him through his grieving process. But it's just that, a process, and it's going to take a while. I think he's had an easier time working through his grief for his dad. He's still sad, but I think he's accepted his death and is moving on from it. But you…it's different with you, Calleigh."

Eyes closed and head slumped down, Calleigh wasn't sure how it was possible that she had any tears left. But she did, and they fell as Alexx kept going.

"He thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with you, Calleigh. You were the love of his life. Losing you was more than just an act of nature. He feels guilt and regret, and wonders what he could've done differently. What if he'd never questioned his fake birth certificate? What if he'd never taken the job with Nevins? They're questions he's working through with his therapist even now. And he's starting to pick up the pieces of his life, Calleigh. He's learning that he can live without you. It hurts, but he's learning it's possible."

Alexx knew what she said next was going to not only be the hardest thing for Calleigh to hear, but also would be the hardest thing she'd have to bring herself to say. Looking into Calleigh's cloudy green eyes, she reached up and caressed her cheek.

"Calleigh, baby, you know I love you like we were related by blood. And I'd do anything in the world for you. But I love Eric the same way, so I have to tell you this."

Bracing for the worst, Calleigh tried to turn her head away, but Alexx wouldn't let her.

"Baby, I know Eric still loves you. And I know you love him. But if you were to take him back only to reject him again later, I don't think he would ever recover. The hurt he feels now, he'd feel tenfold, and I honestly think he'd end up on a path where he'd spiral out of control. He wouldn't be the Eric we know any longer. So as much as I love you and think you guys truly do belong together, I could never let you do that to him."

Finally, Calleigh couldn't take anymore and pushed herself up from the couch and walked over to the window. Staring out into the dark, she wrapped her arms around herself, wishing she could just be curled up in the warmth of her bed at this very moment, hidden away from the cold, cruel world.

Despite Calleigh's departure from the couch, Alexx still intended on imparting her advice on the young woman.

"You're not going to want to hear this Calleigh, but I don't think that Eric is the only one who should be seeing a therapist."

Alexx was right; Calleigh was not interested in following the path that this conversation had started down.

"I know you don't believe in it. I know that you've shunned it every time you've had to have your mandatory sessions at work. But Calleigh, there's a reason you won't let yourself trust Eric fully, and it's not because he's made some mistakes or had bad judgment. There are things in your past that have made you the way you are today, and I think a therapist could help you figure out what those things are, and why they're holding you back. There's no shame in it, Calleigh. We're all human, and sometimes we just need a little help."

Calleigh shuttered at the thought that she was somehow broken, and again at the thought of spilling her guts to some stranger who didn't even know her. She was strong and she was independent. She didn't need someone else to tell her what her problems were.

But yet here she was in her own living room, feeling more lost and lonely than she had ever felt before, pining over the man she loved and had lost. And she did love him. More than anything in the world. As much as she loathed the idea of going to a therapist, if there was a small chance that by doing so, she might be able to work things out with him and get him back, then maybe it would be worth it.

Calleigh turned away from the window only to see that Alexx had herself gotten up from the couch and approached her. She could see the empathy in her friend's eyes and knew that despite the harsh things she'd said, that she really did love Calleigh like family.

Like family. Immediately she was brought back to that day in the locker room, and the hurt on Eric's face when she'd offered him those same words. Alexx she loved like family. But oh how she wished she could take back those words to Eric, because the love she had for him went so far beyond any family love. The love she had for him was intense and passionate and deep. She thought she'd move on without it, but it was the strongest love she'd ever known She craved it and every minute of the day she regretted having lost it.

"Calleigh? Are you with me?" Alexx was smiling at her, and Calleigh simply nodded.

"Listen sugar, I know some of the things I said were hard to hear. But I also want you to know this. I don't doubt your love for Eric or his for you. I think if ever there were soul mates, it would be the two of you. I think you're supposed to be together, were destined to be. But I also think there are steps you need to take to get there, and therapy is one of them."

Alexx stared at Calleigh, trying to gauge her reaction. She wasn't as closed off as Alexx had been expecting, so she pushed forward.

"Sugar, this can't be something that happens just because you're jealous of another woman. The rebirth of this relationship can only happen if you both come into it knowing where you each stand individually. You have to come from a place of honesty and understanding, not jealousy."

Again, Alexx paused long enough to let her words sink in, to allow Calleigh to process them a bit.

"Eric isn't perfect, Calleigh. He's going to mess up and make mistakes. He can't fear that if he does, when he does, that you're going to push him away. And in order for that to happen, I think you need help to realize why that's what you've done to him in the past. It's going to help you become more self-aware, just as he's doing himself right now. And not only will that make you stronger as individuals, I think it'll make you so much stronger as a couple. A couple that will be together for a very long time!"

The thought of growing old with Eric warmed Calleigh's heart, and she knew she wanted that more than anything. Why did getting there have to be so hard?

"Alexx, I wouldn't even know where to begin this process. Therapy? I'm going to have a hard time just talking about this kind of stuff with someone I don't know. And finding the right one? I don't know anything…"

Cradling Calleigh's face in her hands, Alexx laughed. "Baby, slow down. I know it's not going to be easy for you. But if you love Eric as much as I think you do, you'll do it. As for finding a good therapist, I came prepared today."

Alexx reached into the pocket of her trousers and pulled out a small piece of paper with a name and phone number on it.

"Dr. A. L. Johnston," Calleigh read aloud.

Alexx nodded. "Andrea and I have been friends for years, and she comes very highly recommended. I thought you might feel more comfortable with a woman. If you'd rather have a male therapist, or you'd prefer someone I don't know and have a relationship with, I can ask around and get recommendations."

Calleigh was a bit surprised that Alexx had thought about this so extensively already, but she was also thankful to have a friend who cared so much.

"I think you're right, I would feel more comfortable talking to a woman. And I think I prefer that you know her and trust her. I feel like maybe I can allow myself to trust her more if she comes with your personal _and_ professional approval."

Alexx gently patted her hand, glad that Calleigh was starting to accept the idea of getting help.

"Alexx, how do I…what do I say? I mean, where do I even start? I don't know how to do this, not the right way at least. The only therapy sessions I've ever been to, I just said what I knew they wanted to hear from me so they'd approve my return to work."

Grinning, Alexx reached up and tucked a chunk of blonde behind Calleigh's ear, then held on to Calleigh's hand.

"Sweetie, there's no right or wrong way to do it. You go in there and just tell her how you're feeling. Like you told me tonight. You talk about Eric, what happened, what you wish would happen. I promise you she'll ask the right questions to get to the bottom of it. I can't promise that it will be easy or that it won't be uncomfortable at times, but it's gonna be worth it in the end. You'll see."

Suddenly exhausted, Calleigh looked once more at the paper in her grip before looking back to Alexx. She felt so lucky to have a friend like her in her life.

"Thank you so much for coming tonight, Alexx. I'm sorry I'm such a mess. But it felt good to finally get some things off my chest, and I appreciate you making time for me. Apologize to Henry for me for desperately stealing his wife away for the night."

"Don't be silly, Henry gets me every night. He can't complain about some 'girl's time' every now and again. And no thanks are necessary. You know I love you, and I can always make time for my babies…ALL of them!"

Alexx pulled Calleigh into a strong embrace, soothingly running her hand over the younger woman's long hair over and over. When she let her go, she held on to her hands, lazily swinging them back and forth between them.

"You know you can call me to talk anytime. Both of you are important to me, and you always will be, no matter what happens."

"Thanks Alexx. That means the world to me. I don't know what I'd do without you. Oh, and thanks for dinner. It was exactly what I needed!"

Calleigh walked Alexx to the door, and the two shared one more embrace before Alexx started walking to her car. As she opened the door she called out to Calleigh.

"You're going to make an appointment soon, right?"

"I will call her in the morning. I promise, Alexx."

When Alexx's car was out of sight, Calleigh closed and locked her door. Standing in her hallway, she looked down at the piece of paper still in her hand.

Therapy. Tomorrow she was going to call and make an appointment to get therapy. Willingly, not under duress. That was certainly a change. A change that still scared the crap out of her. But a change that also offered her hope. Hope that maybe, somewhere down the road, Eric would come back to her.

In the meantime, exhaustion was claiming her quickly. She'd been riding on an emotional roller coaster for the past two days, and she was more than ready to get comfy and crawl beneath her sheets. The big bed would still be lonely without Eric, but at least tonight's visit with Alexx gave her something to hold on to. And she had a feeling that sleep would come easier tonight, when her heart was a little less heavy, than it had last night. Or so she hoped.


	17. Chapter 17

_Back again! The usual stuff applies: I own nothing that you recognize, I appreciate your reviews immensely, and my faithful readers are the best! All of your sweet, kind words are food for my soul and keep me going! Oh, and I have some later chapters written, because they just grabbed hold of me and wouldn't let go, and I knoooooow they'll be to your liking! Now the hard part is the bridge to get to those! We'll start with this! Enjoy, review if you like it and BE HAPPY!_

**Chapter 17**

Eric was hunched over the lighted evidence table, which was covered in the blood stained clothes belonging to the victim of the homicide he'd been called out to earlier in the day. Her roommate had found the young woman when she'd returned to their apartment after attending her morning classes at Miami Dade College. After processing the scene, the team had found no usable prints or DNA, no murder weapon and they had no leads on a suspect. Now Eric was hard at work, hoping they could at least find some trace evidence to get them going in the right direction. Poor Elizabeth Reynolds and her family deserved some justice, and Eric was hell bent on finding it for her.

Ryan entered the room, grabbing his lab coat from the wall and approaching Eric.

"Were you able to find anything, man?"

Eric sighed heavily before looking up to his co-worker.

"Unfortunately, no. The one hair I did find turned out to be her own, so that's no help to us. There's gotta be something here though."

Ryan shook his head in frustration. "Think you could use some help, then? Maybe a fresh set of eyes might be beneficial."

"Any help I can get, man. We need to find out who did this to her."

They worked in silence for a while, both scouring over the clothing, magnifiers in hand. Ryan, who'd been wanting to run something by Eric, decided that now was as good a time as any to bring it up.

"So it's Friday, got any big plans for tonight?"

Eric just shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Nah, nothing much. Just gonna go make dinner for my mom. She's got Nicolas tonight since Anna and Michael have their birthing class to go to, so I'm just gonna help her out."

"Lamaze class?" Ryan questioned. "Didn't they just have a baby, like, a year ago? You have to take those classes the second time around? I thought once you learned it once you were golden."

Eric laughed. "I thought the same thing, but I guess this isn't Lamaze. It's something called 'HypnoBirthing' I think. Anna's so small, and she had a really hard time with Nicolas. She was in labor forever and had a lot of pain. I guess this class teaches different methods of relaxing, including yoga. I don't really know. I just know if it helps Anna have an easier time when she has this baby, it'll make us all relieved and happy."

Ryan wrinkled his brow. "I'm just glad I'll never have to give birth. I don't know that I could handle that kinda pain."

Eric just laughed as he mumbled, "I'd expect nothing less of you, Wolf Man!"

"What?" Ryan exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. He just shrugged off Eric's comment, ready to change the subject from small talk to what he'd really wanted to talk to Eric about.

"Well, I'm sure Nicolas goes to bed fairly early, right? I was wondering if maybe you'd like to meet up with Walter and I for a few drinks tonight?"

Instinctively, Eric shook his head, not even having to think before turning down the offer. "No thanks, man. Like I said, I planned to help my mom with Nic and then probably just head back to my place for an early night. Thanks, though."

Noticing how fast Eric's mood had changed, Ryan plugged on anyway. "Come on, Eric. You haven't been out with us in months. And by the time we'll be poppin' a top on a cold one, Nicolas will have long been in dreamland, and I'm sure your mom can handle that."

Eric was about to politely turn Ryan down, again, when the younger CSI leaned closer from across the table and lowered his voice. "Don't worry Eric, she won't be there."

Snapping his head up from the evidence and looking at Ryan, Eric tersely replied, "What? Who won't be there?"

Ryan just tilted his head and gave Eric a glare, one that said, "_Do you think I'm stupid_?" He shook his head lightly as he spoke to his friend with empathy. "Listen, I know things have been hard for you since you two broke up. But it's been a while now and, well, some of us are just missing our old friend. The one we could go out and have a good time with. We're still your friends, despite whatever may have happened."

Eric hung his head but kept silent. He knew he'd changed a lot since the break up. He honestly did feel bad for bailing on his friendships, but he just didn't have the desire to go out and be cheerful and try to have a rollicking good time. He'd become a homebody – spending time helping his mom, being with his family. It's about all he had the energy to do anymore.

Ryan could see that Eric was deep in thought. Wanting to bring him back to the here and now, Ryan decided to try one last time.

"It's Walter's birthday. And it's just us guys. A few drinks at Crosby's. A chance to catch up a little, have guy talk. No girls allowed. What do you say? Come on, Delko!"

Even though he wasn't really in the mood, he didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings either. He'd already screwed up one relationship in his life; he didn't want to mess up the non-romantic ones as well. And Crosby's was pretty low-key and quiet. He couldn't have dealt with a dance club, not now anyway. So he caved.

"Alright, but just a few drinks, okay. Just us guys?"

Excited that he'd finally gotten through to Eric, Ryan quickly assured, "Yep, just us guys. Walter said a few of his other friends that he plays basketball with might show too. So, 9 o'clock, Crosby's. Sound okay?"

"9 o'clock is fine. I'll be there."

Ryan, satisfied that he'd accomplished his mission, got back to work examining the clothes before him, and Eric followed suit. He couldn't say he was exactly excited about the upcoming night out, but if it meant he could pick up the pieces of the friendships he'd let slide, then that's all that mattered.

Suddenly, Eric spotted something. He lifted a shoe and looked at it closer under the magnifier, then grabbed a pair of tweezers, catching Ryan's attention as he did so. He soon lifted up a very small green fiber that had been wedged between the sole and the leather upper of the shoe.

Smiling, Ryan asked, "So, you think that's something we can use?"

Eric shrugged. "I don't know, but it's more than we had before. I'll run it through the Mass Spec and I guess we'll find out."

Smiling, both men had the same thought on their minds: that this conversation really _had_ been beneficial. The fact that they had different reasons for believing so (Ryan's being that he'd finally convinced Eric to get out, and Eric's being that the small break and fresh eyes led to finding possible evidence) made absolutely no difference.

_/EC/_

Sitting on a stool at a tall table near the back of the bar, Eric was paying little attention to the goings on around him. A nearby TV blared the play-by-play of a Marlins game. And seated next to him, Ryan was laughing along with Walter and his friends Damian and Curtis, who were standing around the table also. Curtis was regaling the details of his last date, which had crashed and burned, and everyone was having a hearty laugh at his expense.

Eric was trying to enjoy himself, but unfortunately, he wasn't having much success. The discussion of failed love lives wasn't exactly on the top of his list of 'laugh out loud' topics. But he tried to smile and act like he wanted to be there, if only for Walter's sake since it _was_ his birthday.

Suddenly, Eric realized that Damian was calling his name, and he looked over. Walter's friend was gesturing with his head towards the end of the bar to a woman who was seated there. He raised his eyebrow as he teasingly mentioned, "Hey bro! I think someone's interested. That little lady over there has been sizing you up for the last 15 minutes!"

Eric glanced over but quickly looked away, not wanting to give the woman any ideas. She _was_ beautiful – a tall, slender, Latina with dark, straight hair halfway down her back. Tight jeans scarcely covered her ample curves and a deep purple halter-top left her back completely bare. There was a time in his past when he wouldn't have needed someone to tell him that she was interested because he would have already bought her a drink, and possibly, or probably, done way more than that with her by now.

But he was no longer that man and right now he was, simply, not interested. He clearly expressed that feeling to the guys, and the consensus in reply was that he was crazy not to go for something like _that_. Curtis, eager to capitalize on Eric's supposed loss, decided he'd take his chances and left to approach the lady himself. Walter and Damian decided to go get another round of drinks, though it was pretty apparent they just wanted to get closer to Curtis and his target to get ammunition to use against him when he crashed and burned again.

Once Ryan and Eric were left alone at the table, Ryan turned to his friend. He had seen that this just wasn't turning out to be much fun for Eric, and that he actually seemed to be uncomfortable more than anything.

"I'm sorry, man. You haven't really enjoyed yourself much tonight, have you?"

Eric just waved off Ryan's concern. "It's alright. It's not your fault. I'm just not all that fun to be around these days I guess."

Ryan stared at his longneck for a moment before gathering up the nerve to speak again.

"I know it's probably none of my business, and you can tell me to fuck off if you want to, but what happened with you and Cal?" He nervously waited for Eric's reaction, half expecting him to scream, flip a table and storm out the door. But Eric surprised him.

"We broke up. You know how Calleigh is about her privacy, so I'm not gonna really get into the dirty details."

Ryan took a swig of beer before offering, "I've watched you for months, and I'd put money on the fact that the break-up was _not_ initiated by you."

Eric glanced cautiously at Ryan before looking back to the bottle he held in his own hands. It's not like there was really anything to hide here, so he shook his head and mumbled quietly, "No. No it wasn't."

Ryan felt for the guy. It had been obvious to him since the day he stepped foot in the Crime Lab that Eric and Calleigh had something special. Even when he'd tried, Eric had never been good about hiding his feelings for that woman, and seeing him so broken up now, even all these months later, had him just feeling awful for his friend.

Treading carefully, Ryan cleared his throat before offering up some advice. "I know you loved her, man. But you deserve some happiness, you know? Maybe…maybe it's just time for you to let her go and move on with your life."

Eric had never really thought of Ryan as one of those kinds of friends that he could confide in, that he could tell his troubles to. But right now, the younger CSI honestly seemed concerned about his well being, and it actually felt kind of nice to have someone besides his mother and his therapist to talk to. Surprising himself, as well as Ryan, he let his guard down and opened up a little.

"I wish it was that easy, you know? Moving on. I've tried. I really have. But Calleigh…she was the love of my life. Or at least, I thought she was. I was ready to marry her, start a family with her. I was ready for forever. She's the only one I've ever felt that way about. I just haven't quite figured out how I'm supposed to get past that."

He readjusted himself on the seat and drained the last sip from his bottle before he continued on.

"Some people have told me that it's been long enough that I should start dating again. But I know I can't do that because I know no matter how hard I try, any woman I'd date I would compare to _her_. And that wouldn't be fair to them at all. I don't want to do that to someone. I'm just…I'm not ready yet. Problem is, I'm not sure if I ever will be."

Ryan knew how significant it was for Eric to use the word 'forever.' Five years ago, forever would have been so far beyond Eric's radar, but Calleigh had changed him. Hoping he wouldn't have to hand over his 'man card' for what he was about to say, Ryan clasped Eric on the shoulder and spoke assuredly. "Well, I don't know her reasoning, but I do know this. She's crazy for giving you up. There's not a person who knows you who doesn't know how much you love her, and have for a long time. Everyone should be so lucky to have someone who loves them the way you love Calleigh. I think…well, I think she's the one really losing out on this deal."

This was not at all a conversation that Eric had expected he'd be having with Ryan, especially with the way Ryan used to suck up to Calleigh, but his lips turned up slightly into a small smile at his friend's words. He could tell Ryan had meant what he'd said, and Eric felt grateful to have someone in his corner, even someone as unlikely as Ryan.

"Thanks, Wolfe. That means a lot."

Looking up to see Walter approaching the table again, Eric quickly looked to Ryan and whispered, "Between you and me, man…okay?" A quick nod assured Eric that his secret was safe.

Putting his fresh bottle on the table, Walter glanced at his fellow CSI's and asked, "What's the word, boys?"

Ryan tilted his head towards Eric and replied, "Just talkin' about the scumbag Eric put behind bars today!"

"Yeah, what happened with that anyway? Last I knew, we'd had absolutely nothing to go on."

Ryan gestured towards Eric with his thumb, "Well, Eric here found a fiber on one of the vic's shoes. When we finally found and brought her boyfriend in for questioning, we noticed his shirt was the same color as the fiber. Long story short, his alibi tanked, we matched the fiber to his shirt, and after being questioned for the second time, he folded like cheap laundry. And Delko saved the day again."

Eric just rolled his eyes at Ryan's over-exaggeration, and added, "I'm just glad we put him away so he can't do that to any other woman. He killed her because he _thought_ she was cheating. And she wasn't. The guy he _thought_ he saw her cheating with was her cousin who was visiting from out of town. She hugged a family member and got killed for it. So senseless."

They all were quiet for a moment as they thought about another innocent life taken away. Looking to perk the group up, Ryan motioned over to Curtis, who was still busy putting the moves on the woman at the bar. "What's up with your buddies, Walter?"

Laughing, Walter waved his hand, indicating he wanted nothing to do with their antics. "Damian went to the bathroom, but I think that was just a ruse to walk by that hot little number in the corner. He's had his eye on her since he got here. And Curtis over there, I think he got your girl's number, but it took a while. She was too busy asking him about his hot friend over at the table." An embarrassed Eric just rolled his eyes. "Don't worry," Walter assured, "he finally told her you were gay, and she lost interest."

Shaking his head in disbelief, Eric grumbled, "Thanks, Walter. Now I guess I can never come back _here_ again." There was a time he'd have been mortified about the comment, but honestly at this moment, he wasn't bothered in the least.

Laughter from the other two men surrounded him as he stood up off of the stool and reached over to grab his jacket off the hook on the wall. "Well, before word gets out and I start getting hit on by members of the male persuasion, I better get out of here" Eric quipped before reaching over to shake Walter's hand, wishing him a happy birthday and asking him to let his friends know that he said goodbye. A last handshake and a "thank you" to Ryan, and he found his way to his car and was soon on his way home.

And home was just as lonely as it always was. But at least tonight, Eric had had a breakthrough of sorts. He'd gone out. He'd spent time with friends. He hadn't been able to completely escape his thoughts of her, but there were moments. He'd laughed a little. And that's more than he had done yesterday. It gave him hope that maybe he could do it again tomorrow. He felt like he'd never get used to coming home to a house, a bed without her in it. But maybe if he could find a little laughter in his days, then the lonely nights might be a tad more bearable. Maybe…


	18. Chapter 18

_The usual disclaimer applies: I own nothing recognizable. Just borrowing the characters for a while.  
Special disclaimer for this particular scene: I have never been in therapy. I know nothing about what a therapy session is actually like. If this scene is nothing like the real thing, well...just pretend. It is _fiction _after all! It worked for what I needed. If it's unrealistic, I offer my apologies!  
Thanks as always for your sweet reviews. I've tried to personally thank you all, but if you weren't logged in, I couldn't. So consider this my personal thanks! You guys rock! Happy "Day Before Adam Rodriguez's Birthday!" :-)_

**Chapter 18**

Calleigh sat waiting anxiously in the softly upholstered chair, her hands folded lightly on her lap. The bright Miami sun shone through the floor to ceiling windows across the room, basking the office in a warmth Calleigh had not ever expected to find in a place like this. The cool blues and rich browns of the décor lent to a sense of calm that always seemed to settle a bit of Calleigh's unease.

But not completely.

Just as she had promised Alexx she would, Calleigh had called the morning after their talk to set up an appointment with Dr. Johnston. That was over two months ago. Calleigh had met with the woman a few days later, had her first session the following week, and had soon fallen into the routine of attending two sessions a week.

At first, Calleigh had been extremely reticent. It's not that Dr. Johnston wasn't a nice woman, for Calleigh could tell exactly why she and Alexx were friends. She was warm and soft spoken and every bit the professional Alexx had assured Calleigh she'd be.

But this was still therapy, and Calleigh didn't _do_ therapy. It took several sessions before Calleigh was able to open up and discuss anything meaningful; before she trusted the doctor enough to put anything resembling her true feelings or emotions on the table. But eventually she got more comfortable, and soon realized it even felt a little refreshing to talk with someone whom she didn't feel would take sides. Dr. Johnston didn't know the other parties involved, and that made things slightly easier.

Hearing the door open and then close, Calleigh stiffened a little as the doctor approached her desk to sit down. "Good afternoon, Calleigh," she offered breezily.

"Hi, Dr. Johnston. How are you?" She watched as the woman opened Calleigh's file that sat on the desk in front of her, and then prepared herself with her legal pad and pen before looking towards Calleigh.

"I'm well, Calleigh. Thank you. How are _you_ today?"

Calleigh shrugged slightly, simply stating, "I'm okay."

"Okay, well…is there anything specific you wanted to talk about today?"

Despite the many weeks they'd been doing this, the doctor knew that Calleigh wasn't going to offer up anything without being prodded. She was still anxious, still a bit unsure. But that certainly wasn't uncommon with patients who were new to therapy, and she knew exactly how to manipulate a conversation to get to where she thought it needed to be. And unfortunately, she had a feeling that where this conversation needed to go, Calleigh wasn't going to like it one bit.

Calleigh looked down to her lap, feeling a bit like the child that got sent to the principal's office. "No, not really. I can't think of anything in particular I need to discuss."

"Okay, then. Well, in your last several sessions, we've talked about your relationships. We've spoken at length about Eric and Jake. There was a…" She looked back to her notes, finding the names she was looking for. "…John. We talked about his suicide, and then a…Peter, whom you said you never really had a relationship with, but had been interested before finding out he'd deceived you."

Calleigh just nodded her head, somewhat amazed that this woman before her had actually gotten her to reveal so much about her relationships with the men she'd mentioned.

"Okay, well those are all relationships you've had in your adult life. I'd like to go back further."

Thinking for a minute, Calleigh replied, "Well, I had a boyfriend in high school, and a few in college, but none of them really lasted that long. I mean, they were nothing serious, we were just kids. I don't see them as holding much importance now."

Dr. Johnston smiled. "You'd be surprised at the importance some relationships hold. But in this instance, you're correct. I'm not interested in your high school sweetheart. I'd like to go back before that even."

"Dr. Johnston, my first boyfriend _was_ in high school. I wasn't much into boys before that."

Ready to start doing the digging she felt her patient needed to start her healing, Dr. Johnston looked squarely at Calleigh when she spoke. "It's not romantic relationships that I'd like to discuss right now, Calleigh. Just relationships in general. I'd like to go back to when you were a child. Tell me about your relationship with your parents."

Noticing Calleigh's body language immediately, the doctor knew she was on the right track - Calleigh's whole body went stiff, her knee stopped shaking, and her fingers stopped fidgeting. This was the heart of the matter, Dr. Johnston knew, and this was where she would earn her money. Her patient most definitely had trust issues, that had already been clearly revealed, and the doctor had been pretty positive they were rooted in her childhood. Calleigh's reaction confirmed it.

For the next hour, Calleigh unwillingly discussed her childhood. Despite all that she'd been through, she still loved her parents, and discussing their misgivings felt like a betrayal for Calleigh. But Dr. Johnston repeatedly reminded her that this was a safe place, that this conversation would always remain between them only. It was like pulling teeth, but with some helpful prodding from the doctor, Calleigh relayed the unfortunate circumstances of her all too short childhood: her father's alcoholism, her mother's disregard of the effects of his disease, and Calleigh's never-ending battle to protect her brothers from both.

Though there hadn't been physical abuse, the doctor soon could see that it didn't mean that Calleigh hadn't been _hurt_, or that she hadn't feared that the physical abuse could have happened if she hadn't been on guard all the time. Calleigh's childhood was one of pain, uncertainty and fear. She'd matured at all too early an age, and had played the roll of the protector for practically her whole life.

And all of that had a direct effect on the person Calleigh had turned out to be. Her personality, her job choice, her difficulty with relationships…all of it could be traced back to her unfortunate past.

Calleigh now sat reclined back in her chair, utterly emotionally drained. Never in her life had she told anyone the things she'd just told Dr. Johnston, and she was questioning her decision to have spoken any of it aloud. She quickly glanced at her watch, noticing that they had gone significantly over the scheduled time allotted for this session, and mentioned it to the doctor, ready to get out and away from these feelings as fast as possible. But Dr. Johnston had other plans.

"Calleigh, I purposely didn't schedule any later appointments today. Your revelations today were not a shock to me – I'd had a sense that there was something lurking in your past, and my plan had been to address it today. I thought we just might need more time than usual."

Calleigh was shocked at the doctor's statement. Was she that transparent that the part of her life that she tried so hard to hide was really that obvious? She shifted in her seat, really wishing she could just leave immediately but also knowing that Dr. Johnston wasn't quite done yet.

Placing her pen down on her desk, Dr. Johnston stood and walked around her desk to sit in the chair beside Calleigh. What she planned to say to Calleigh next would be hard for the young woman to hear, and she wanted to approach it from the least threatening way possible.

"Calleigh, I'd like to give you some of my observations right now, and I really want you to listen with an open mind. Your first reaction will probably be to reject or deny the validity of what I'm saying, but I want you to just _listen_. Can you do that for me?"

Calleigh nodded hesitantly, knowing for sure she wasn't going like this one bit. But she would do her best to remain open.

"Good. The first thing I want to point out is that it is very obvious how much you love your parents. All the years of trying to help your father when he needed bailing out, trying to get him to seek the help you knew he needed – none of that would've have happened if you didn't care about him immensely."

Okay, so far this wasn't so bad, because that was all very true. But Calleigh could feel the weight of the proverbial 'other shoe' that was ready to drop. The doctor continued.

"With that said, you also had a childhood that no child should ever have to suffer through."

Clunk. There was that other shoe, right on schedule.

"Calleigh, you had to grow up faster than you ever should have, simply to survive. You did what you had to do, and you made it. You've done so much with your life. So many people who come from the same background that you did, they end up in such a different place. They fall victim to the same crutch that they so desperately tried to get away from, whether it be drugs, alcohol, abuse. Calleigh, that didn't happen to you, and that proves how incredibly strong you are."

Calleigh felt the tears welling up in her eyes, but she fought them back, not wanting to let them fall after the doctor had just commented on how strong she was. Crying wasn't a sign of strength. Not in Calleigh's world, anyway.

Dr. Johnston could see the emotion in Calleigh's face, and knowing that she might just be on the precipice of a breakthrough, she forged on.

"Our pasts shape our futures, Calleigh. Our childhoods mold us into who we become as adults, and you are no different. In talking with you, I've learned that you're fiercely independent. Well, you learned that early on – you did things yourself or it didn't get done. That trait carried on into your adulthood. I've also learned that you are a perfectionist. As a little girl, you did everything you could to gain positive attention from your parents. If that meant being perfect, then that's what you did. That's why it's no surprise that as an adult you strive for perfection. It's what pushes you to be the best at everything you do; it's what you've done all your life. Even your job is an outcome of your experiences, Calleigh. You were a protector, not just of your brothers, but of yourself, even your father. It's no surprise that you made a career out of protecting others…it's become innate in you."

Calleigh looked up to Dr. Johnston for the first time since she had moved from behind her desk. The warm, hazel eyes that looked back at her were so full of caring and empathy, and most of all, honesty. Calleigh could no longer hold them back, and her tears began slow tracks down her cheeks toward her chin. She remained silent, not really knowing what to say, and afraid if she attempted to speak she'd lose the little bit of composure she had left.

Sensing Calleigh's impending collapse, Dr. Johnston reached out and clutched Calleigh's hand when she continued.

"Calleigh, I think one of your biggest issues is trust. We've talked about that when we discussed some of your romantic relationships. Well that can be traced back to your childhood as well. Children come into this world innocent and helpless, and have no choice but to trust in their parents or guardians to guide them, to teach them. You were never able to trust your parents, Calleigh. You couldn't depend on them, only on yourself. You never learned how to fully trust someone, because when you tried you were always let down, hurt. That never left you. You told me that Jake was your first love. You thought you'd finally found someone to trust in him. Then he left you for a job and you were hurt again. John and Peter followed the pattern. I think by the time Jake came back again, you had finally given up on trying to trust anyone, because all it had ever brought you was pain. That didn't mean you weren't lonely, and absolutely no one can fault you for that, Calleigh. But at that point, I don't think trusting someone in a relationship was within your realm of capability. Not without some help, anyway."

Calleigh was trying to be open minded, but something the doctor said just didn't sit well with her. She didn't like being told something was 'beyond her capability'. She was a very capable woman, and she'd proven that, or at least she thought she had.

"Doctor Johnston, I admit that with Jake, I was lonely and possibly going back to him showed some weakness, but I don't think that I wasn't _capable_ of trusting him. He never gave me a reason why I _could_! Even after all that had happened, he _still_ chose his job over me. I don't think that he deserved my trust."

"Well, that may be true as far as he's concerned. But let's move past him. What about Eric?"

Calleigh quickly removed her hand from the doctor's, looked down to her lap and began playing with the hem of her jacket. "What about him?"

"Well, you've said you had trouble trusting him. Let's discuss that."

Calleigh was suddenly unbelievably uncomfortable. The reason she'd even agreed to these sessions was so she could move on and try to be with Eric, and discussing why she had lost trust in him didn't feel at all like a move in the right direction. Dr. Johnston noticed Calleigh's pursed lips and rigid form, and took it upon herself to start the discussion.

"Calleigh, you told me you first had trust issues with Eric around the time of his biological father coming back and the accident, correct?"

A silent nod was the reply.

"Well tell me Calleigh, what Eric did for his father, how is that different from what you've done for your father your whole life?"

"My father is not a criminal who is a part of an organized crime ring," Calleigh snapped.

Retaining a calm demeanor, Dr. Johnston pointed out, "No Calleigh. But your father has repeatedly gotten into a car to drive when he was obviously drunk. You mentioned one time that you thought he'd actually killed someone. You're an officer of the law, Calleigh. You know that his actions have been not only extremely dangerous, but also illegal. You've tried to make him get help, to change his ways. That's all Eric was trying to do for his father."

Releasing a sigh, Calleigh closed her eyes. "But Eric didn't even know his father. He put himself in danger for a man he didn't even _know_, and I could have lost him. He didn't even think about that."

Without missing a beat, Dr. Johnston countered, "You ran into a burning building to save a boy you didn't know. You knew of your previous lung issues, yet you put your own life in danger, ended up in the hospital and suffered from cardiac arrest. He could have lost _you_ then."

Silence. Dr. Johnston knew that she had hit a chord with that statement. Not wanting to lose her patient completely here, she offered Calleigh an olive branch.

"I understand that when you did what you did, you considered it your duty, a necessary danger of your job. And what Eric did was personal. But think of this – think to the future, when you someday have children. If your father were a criminal, would you be proud to tell your children that about their grandfather? Eric may have been slightly misguided in his actions, but he only wished his father wasn't someone he was completely ashamed of. He had to try. Can you understand that?"

Relenting, Calleigh nodded her head. "I get that, I do. And we had moved past that, I thought. It's the stuff that happened afterwards that really pulled us apart."

"Like him leaving CSI?"

Closing her eyes, Calleigh ran a hand through her hair, stopping when she'd reached the back of her head. With her hair held back, Dr. Johnston could see clearly the tension etched in every line on Calleigh's face. Releasing her hair, Calleigh also released a breath as she softly replied, "Yes."

It was another moment before she added to her reply. " It wasn't so much that he left CSI. Ultimately, I thought that might be good for our relationship. Having to keep it hidden from everyone took a toll on both of us. What bothered me was that he did it without having talked to me about it, even once. Something that important, shouldn't that be something he would have spoken to me about if I were really important to him?"

Dr. Johnston thought for a minute, trying to remember some facts from some of their earlier sessions without getting up to look at her notes.

"If I'm not mistaken, didn't you tell me that before that time, you two were not allowed to see or speak to each other because of IAB's investigation?"

Defensively, Calleigh retorted, "If he cared like he says he did, then why would he let IAB stop him? It's not like he was all about following their rules before that."

Cocking her head to one side, Dr. Johnston asked, "I know you said you saw him in the hospital when things were touch and go. But after IAB placed their restrictions on your communication, did you ever attempt to contact him, to see how he was recovering after such a traumatic injury?"

Calleigh shook her head. "No. IAB was very clear that we were to have no contact."

"Well, Calleigh. What's good for the goose…"

Calleigh looked at the doctor, not exactly sure what she was getting at.

"Eric suffered major trauma. From what you told me, his life had been hanging in the balance for a period of time. I can't imagine that's easy to recover from… especially for a second time. You made no attempt to contact him to see how he was. Do you think that Eric could have felt exactly the way that you did? That if you really cared about him, that you wouldn't have let IAB stop you from checking on him?"

Calleigh opened her mouth to respond, to defend her actions, but soon realized she had no case. The doctor was exactly right. She'd been so angry about his prior actions. Then IAB built this wall between them, and she'd made no attempt to move it. In fact, she'd probably built it even higher and put more distance between them.

Not willing to admit her wrongdoing and shoulder this blame all herself, Calleigh got up and started pacing the room, coming to a stop by the large window, arms folded across her chest. Staring out at the city, she quietly muttered, "It doesn't matter. We got past that too. He went to Puerto Rico, we had some cooling off time, and when he came back, we got back together."

"Were things the same?" the doctor questioned.

Calleigh hung her head. "Not at first. But I thought we were getting there. But then the whole thing happened with Rebecca, and him wearing the wire. After that, I just couldn't do it anymore."

Calleigh walked back and reclaimed her seat next to the doctor, satisfied she'd burned off enough of her nervous energy to remain calm.

"Calleigh, look at me" Dr. Johnson requested. When she had the woman's attention, she held her gaze firmly.

"I'm going to ask you something, and I want you be completely honest with me. Take a moment before you answer, because I don't want a defensive answer, just the truth."

Taking in Calleigh's hesitant nod, Dr. Johnston asked, "If you were in Eric's shoes, and your job required you to investigate the lab in that situation, would you have done the same thing?"

Calleigh began to get that defensive look in her eye that the doctor had come to recognize of the feisty woman before her. Before Calleigh could speak, she expanded the scope of her question.

"Think about it, Calleigh. And I want honesty. If you no longer worked at CSI, and all of this happened with the stolen evidence and your boss thought that your friends and former co-workers were all suspects, would you have done anything differently than Eric did?"

Sighing heavily, Calleigh dropped her head into her hands as she groaned, "I don't know!"

"Calleigh, I think you do know. Eric didn't lie to you to hurt you. He was put in a bad situation, but he knew that in order to protect the people he cared about – including and especially you – he needed to do exactly what he did. And in the end, he proved what he knew all along, that you were all innocent. And I think, from what I've learned about you over the past few months, that you would have done the same thing had the tables been turned. You would have protected he and your friends, just like he did."

Calleigh seemed lost in her thoughts, her face still covered by her hands, so Dr. Johnston rose from her chair to return to her desk. After gathering herself for a few minutes, Calleigh lifted her head and looked to the older woman, her face painted with the worry and uncertainty that ran through her veins.

"Calleigh, you once told me that as a _friend_, you trusted Eric with your life, correct?"

Closing her eyes and letting herself think back upon the good parts of her relationship with Eric, Calleigh felt warmth radiate through her. She let that feeling consume her, let the worry get pushed aside for the time being. A smile crept to her face.

"He's the best friend I've ever had. I can talk to him about anything, always could. I once told him that I trusted him with every fiber of my being. And I do."

Dr. Johnston was happy to hear her patient make that admission. "Well it seems as though you have no problem trusting him with your life, you just won't trust him with your heart. Calleigh, your life is everything; your heart is only a part of you. If you already trust him with your very being, imagine what it could be like if you just gave over your heart as well."

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Calleigh offered her therapist probably the truest statement she'd ever shared with her. "Dr. Johnston, I love him. I really do. I want _us_ back so badly. I'm just so afraid…afraid I'll never be able to let myself trust him like I should and like he deserves; I'm afraid that I'll hurt him again; I'm afraid that he'll get tired of dealing with my issues and leave me. I don't know how to keep all that from happening; how to keep myself from getting hurt, again."

Smiling, Dr. Johnston walked slowly back to sit next to Calleigh. Once again taking the blonde's hands into her own, she spoke softly, with understanding and empathy.

"Calleigh, none of us can ever do anything to guarantee that we'll never get hurt. Life just doesn't work that way. But we can learn to not live in fear of it. I can see that you love Eric, and from what you've told me, it seems as though his feelings are the same. You guys have a foundation of a really solid friendship that took years to build. That's more than most people have. You'll obviously have obstacles to overcome if he's willing to give it another go. And you have to realize that after all that's happened he might not want to. But if he does, Calleigh, there's some things you'll need to learn to do differently."

Calleigh bit her bottom lip nervously before asking, "Like what?"

"Well, for starters, you're going to have to learn to trust Eric…with your heart. You're going to need to realize that while you may be a perfectionist, no one is perfect. Eric isn't perfect. He's human, and he's going to make mistakes, and so will you. You'll have to learn how to deal with that, and not push him away or lose your trust in him when it happens."

Funny, hadn't Alexx told her something similar? Calleigh's brow creased as she thought, "_Easier said than done._"

Noticing Calleigh's concern, Dr. Johnston assured her, "I know that's hard for you Calleigh. But I can help you with that. Therapy can help you to change your learned behaviors. We can work on new ways of coping with things, ways to communicate with him that will help to allay your fears."

Calleigh sighed. "I think that would be good."

The doctor smiled warmly. "I agree. I also think you're going to have to work on that stubborn independence of yours." Calleigh looked surprised for a moment before she laughed a bit under her breath.

After a giggle of her own, Dr. Johnston explained, "A relationship is a two way street, Calleigh. And Eric is a man, and most men have a need to care for, to protect their women. You need to give in a little, let him take care of you. That doesn't mean you can't care for him and protect him right back. Just remember, it's a give and take, and it does not make you any less strong if you let him be there for you. I'm pretty sure he respects your strength and independence – it may very well be what attracted him to you. But allow yourself some vulnerability – I don't think he'd take advantage of it. I think it could only bring the two of you closer."

Calleigh thought for a minute of the doctor's suggestions. She knew it would most definitely not be easy, but she was certainly willing to try. She had to because if she didn't, there was no way she'd ever get Eric back again. And she couldn't imagine living the rest of her life without him.

"Do you," Calleigh paused, almost afraid to ask the question that was rolling around in her brain. Swallowing hard, she forced herself to ask anyway. "Um, do you think that it's too late? I mean, I know I hurt him a lot. Do you think he'll even want me back? Do you think he still…loves me?"

Dr. Johnston's heart was filled with sympathy for the young woman who sat before her. She couldn't be blamed for some of the choices she'd made. Her actions were a product of a less than ideal upbringing. But that didn't mean that the man she loved, after what had happened, would be able to understand or accept her actions and move past them.

"Calleigh, I'm not Eric, so I can't speak for him. But I know what you've told me of him, and I think that if you're completely honest with him, maybe things could work out. Your love was strong once, and maybe if he knows how badly you want to fix things, and how hard you're working to do it, maybe it could be that way again. Just be truthful with him, Calleigh. Some of the things you've told me, you'll need to tell him. He needs to have an idea of how your past has affected you and the decisions you've made. I think if you can make him understand that, and that you're working on those things…I think you might just find the response you're looking for. And if not, I know it will be hard, but we'll deal with that when we come to it, okay?"

The emotions of the last two hours catching up to her, Calleigh found herself wiping a few tears from her cheeks as the doctor spoke. She inhaled deeply, releasing a shaky breath before offering Dr. Johnston a weak smile. She was still scared that things with Eric might not work out, and she had no idea how she would get on with her life without him. But she was going to do everything in her power to make it work. She would fix everything she could possibly fix, and hope the repairs were enough for Eric. He was worth every ounce of effort.

Offering her sincere thanks to Dr. Johnston for her patience, her extra time and her expertise, Calleigh left the office with a lot of self-revelations to think about. But she felt lighter, like she now had direction, whereas before she'd been wandering aimlessly without a single idea of how to find her destination. It was still far away, but at least now she had the destination in her sights, and she stood ready and willing to travel the long road to reach it. It would be a long journey, but with a little help along the way, she was starting to feel more confident that she would at least get there. And she could only hope that Eric would be there, waiting with open arms.


	19. Chapter 19

_I know, I know...long wait. My apologies. As usual, a hearty thanks for your support & encouragment.  
This is a long one, so I won't waste any more time. Happy reading!_

**Chapter 19**

A normal Thanksgiving at the Delko household would find family and friends alike celebrating and full of holiday spirit. The house would usually be bustling with people and the sound of festive voices and children's laughter, as well as the pungent aroma of spicy Cuban cuisine, would fill the air. A normal Thanksgiving with the Delko's would be a joyous and carefree occasion.

But this was not a normal Thanksgiving. Having been only three months since Pavel's passing, the family was still mourning the loss of their beloved husband, father and 'abuelo.' Rather than having the customary, massive community gathering that usually highlighted a holiday at the Delko's, the family opted for a smaller, more intimate, low-key gathering of immediate family.

Despite the reduced attendance, Carmen Delko had no intent to skimp on the food. Cooking and baking were natural for her, and helped her to not mire herself in the sadness she still felt from Pavel's absence. She found comfort in being in her kitchen, preparing the traditional meal that her children and grandchildren had come to associate with the holiday. So she'd spent days preparing a feast that included the Cuban spiced turkey, masitos del puerco (fried pork cubes), chorizo cornbread stuffing, black beans and rice, steamed yuca, plenty of mojo, tostones, pumpkin flan and rum cake. There might not have been people around every corner, but at the least, the house smelled as amazing as it always had.

While Maria and Anna helped their mother prepare dinner in the kitchen, their husbands had planted themselves in front of the TV in the living room, mesmerized by the various football games that dominated the airwaves. That left Eric, who had volunteered to entertain the children. He claimed it was to help keep them out from underfoot in the kitchen, but in reality, being around the kids was helping him to keep his mind off of other things. Things like how very much he was missing his father today; how even though he'd agreed to carve the turkey, he didn't really want to do it because that had always been his dad's job; how despite being surrounded by his family, he was still feeling incredibly lonely without Calleigh there by his side.

Eric tried his hardest to put those feelings aside, as the family had all agreed to do the best they could, despite their own sadness, to make the holiday a nice one for Bella, Arianna and Nicolas. So Eric had spent the afternoon playing tee-ball and soccer, pushing the kids on the swings, and even found himself in the middle of a "princess tea party," playing the role of 'Prince Eric.' He had laughed when the girls had decided that Nicolas would be 'Flounder' since he was so small. And the girls, as girls are known to do, changed their minds several times in regard to which Disney princess they would portray. Eventually they'd settled on 'Ariel' and 'Belle' and Eric had been grateful he at least got to play 'Prince Eric' instead of 'The Beast.'

Now, though, Eric stood alone on the back porch, lost in thought. Ari and Nic were napping, and Bella was excited to have the time away from her sister and cousin so she could help her grandmother in the kitchen. Eric was thankful to have the break – a moment to himself. Leaning against the railing on the porch, his weight resting on his forearms, he stared out at the pit in the back yard – the one on which his father would have been roasting a pig had he still been here with them. Things were so different this year, and he wasn't sure he'd ever get used to Pavel being gone.

Suddenly, Eric felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked back to find his sister Maria standing there wiping her hands on a dishtowel. "Hey, little brother."

Eric straightened himself up, quickly asking, "Hey. Do you guys need my help in there?"

Maria smiled warmly. "No, Mami and Bella have it all under control. I just saw you out here all by yourself and wanted to check on you. Are you okay?"

He returned to his previous position against the railing, staring again out into the back yard. "Yeah, I'm alright. It's just strange without Papi here this year."

His oldest sister let out a long sigh. "I know. We're all missing him, Eric. Things are so different now. And I can't help but feel that my kids are getting jipped. They're not going to get to grow up knowing their Abuelo."

Eric slowly nodded his head in agreement as Maria continued.

"But at least Bella and Ari will have _some_ memories of Papi. I feel bad for you and Anna. Nic is too little to really remember him, and Elena and any other children that Anna, or you, may have down the road will never even get to meet him."

Eric let out a sarcastic laugh that sounded more like a cough as he lowered his head and closed his eyes. "Well, I doubt I'll ever have to worry about that, but I get what you're saying about Anna."

Maria had known that her brother had been struggling since his break-up with Calleigh, but to hear and see how dejected and defeated he was at this very moment absolutely broke her heart. She knew what a good man her brother was, and how absolutely amazing he was with kids. She'd watched with pride from the kitchen window as he'd sat outside with her girls earlier during their little 'tea party.' He never hesitated to pretend to drink a beverage from a tiny pink plastic cup. He never budged when Ari put a homemade fake jewel-bedazzled construction paper crown on his head, or when Bella tied a cape around his neck as they turned him into a 'prince.' Her own husband Paul never even did those types of things with the girls. Eric was going to make a great father someday, and the mother of his children would be one damn lucky woman. It hurt Maria to the core to hear him speak like he'd written off the idea that he'd ever one day have children of his own.

She moved to stand next to Eric against the railing, her back against it, and rested her hand on his arm. "I know you miss her Eric, but have you thought about maybe going out, trying to meet someone new? It's been a few months now…"

Eric looked up at Maria with tears in his eyes and mumbled, "I wanted to marry her, Maria. She's the only woman I've ever truly loved, and I wanted to marry her and have a family with her. And then she left me. Is there really a time line for how long it should take to get over that?"

With her heart constricting once again, Maria squeezed his arm gently and told him, "No Eric. There's not. You know I liked Calleigh. I still do. But if she can't get her issues taken care of…"

Turning around and taking up the same position as Eric, Maria draped her arm over her little brother's shoulder. "Eric, whether or not it's Calleigh, you deserve to be happy. If she's not the one, then you'll get over it eventually, on your own time. But don't shut your heart completely, Eric. I guarantee you, some lucky woman will realize what Calleigh didn't – that you are a great catch. You're a good man - Papi raised you that way. You, little brother, will make a wonderful husband someday, and an amazing father."

Eric stood up, trying to compose himself. Brushing his hands back and forth over his face, he grumbled, "I'd like to think so, Maria, but I just don't know. Calleigh was it for me, and now that that's not going to happen, I just…I don't even know how I could ever look at another woman that way again."

Letting out a long sigh and shrugging his shoulders, he turned back to his sister. "Listen, I'm sorry if I was short with you before. I didn't mean to be, it's just hard to talk about, you know?"

"Eh, no worries mi hermano. I understand. Besides, you spent the day baby-sitting my children, and I know how much they can tire you out. You can plead insanity due to exhaustion – it's a very valid excuse. I've used it!"

Eric laughed, a genuine laugh this time. "No, I couldn't use that excuse. I love those girls, and I love spending time with them. You know that."

"Well I love them and love spending time with them too. That doesn't mean they don't exhaust me," Maria quipped with a sly wink. "Oh, and by the way, you made a very handsome prince today, Eric."

Rolling his eyes exaggeratedly, Eric countered, "Hey, leave me alone. It kept them out of your hair, didn't it? I made a sacrifice, and played a prince, for the good of our Thanksgiving dinner. That means no teasing allowed."

Maria took the few steps needed to reach Eric and then wrapped him in a big bear hug. She pulled away just far enough to see his face, and told him with a smile, "That was no sacrifice. You were being a good tio, and you loved it. And I'm not teasing you, because there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I love that my girls get to have you as their uncle. Watching you with them, I just know…mark my words, Eric, someday…you're going to make a great daddy!"

Kissing his sister on the cheek, Eric replied, "Well that's yet to be seen. Right now, I'll have to settle for being a great tio. Speaking of which, the noise level just went up in there. Sounds like Ari's up from her nap. I'll go distract her."

Maria pulled Eric back by the arm as he attempted to go in the house. "Eric, no. Paul can handle her for a few minutes. Why don't you take a minute out here by yourself before you come back into the madhouse."

Thankful for his sister's recognition of his need to gather himself, he hugged her once more. "Thanks, sis. For the talk, for always being there. For everything. It means a lot."

"Hey, that's what we Delko's do. If you ever need to talk, you know I'm always here, right?" Eric nodded his head, assuring her, "I know. Thanks."

Suddenly, a thought hit him and Eric smiled as he asked, "Elena?"

Maria's smile mirrored her brother's. "Yeah, Anna just told us this afternoon while we were all there in the kitchen. She and Mike wanted to honor Papi somehow, so they decided to name the little one after his mother. I think it's pretty."

Looking back out towards the yard, Eric offered quietly, "It's beautiful. Papi would love it."

Turning and heading back towards the house, Maria called over her shoulder, "The turkey should be done in about a half an hour, okay?"

"Got it," Eric replied. "I'll just be a few minutes."

With that, Maria was gone. Despite still being depressed and lonely, Eric felt like he'd cheered up a little from his conversation with his big sister. He looked back out at the empty pit, remembering fondly the times he'd shared with his dad, learning about cooking, and family and life. After a few minutes of reminiscing, he looked to the sky and whispered, "We all miss you Papi. Take care of Marisol for us. Happy Thanksgiving." Then with a deep breath, he headed back in to spend the rest of Thanksgiving with his family.

/EC/

Two hours later, each member of the Delko family was downright stuffed. Carmen's food had been delicious, as usual, and none of her children could fathom how they could force another bite into their mouths.

Eric had managed to carve the turkey without letting his emotions get the best of him. Some tears had escaped, however, when Carmen offered a prayer before the family ate. The other adults around the table had suffered the same fate as their beloved mother conveyed her profound thankfulness for the time she'd been given with her wonderful husband, and for her amazing family whom she credited as the only reason she was able get by during the past three months. They'd capped off the beautiful benediction with a teary "Amen." Then, to lighten the mood, they'd all blamed their 'waterworks' on Anna's raging hormones.

Now the kitchen was jam packed, everyone pitching in to help with the clean up. While her daughters were loading the dishwasher, Carmen was helping Eric to place leftovers in various sized Tupperware containers. She'd seen the hurt in his eyes all day, and instinctively knew that today wasn't hard for her son simply because it was his first holiday without his father. He was also missing Calleigh. Eric was her baby, her youngest, and she hated seeing the emptiness that seemed to fill his being lately.

Forming an idea in her head, Carmen knew it could horribly backfire on her, but at this point she was willing to risk it. Eric's happiness was at stake here. So she nonchalantly asked a question she was pretty sure she knew the answer to.

"So mijo, I know that the lab doesn't close on holidays. Since you were lucky enough to have the day off, which poor dears ended up having to work today?"

Eric shrugged his shoulders, not wanting to get into this with her now. "A few people volunteered to work, Mami."

"Who would volunteer to work instead of being with their family on Thanksgiving?"

He should have known she wouldn't leave it alone. "Some people don't have family close by, Mami. It's no big deal for them to work, plus they get holiday time. Some will do it simply for the extra pay."

Carmen was ready to make her move. "No family, how sad. No one should be without their family around the holidays. Is it anyone I know?"

Knowing she wasn't going to quit until she heard what she wanted, Eric finally gave in, hoping it would put an end, and quickly, to this conversation. "Yes, Mami. It's someone you know. Calleigh is working today, and Walter."

With a loud huff, Carmen planted her hands on the counter. She looked at Eric and emphatically announced, "Well, that's just not right. No friends of my son are going to go without a homemade meal on Thanksgiving. We have plenty here, I'm going to pack some up for you to take to them right now."

Now she was going too far. He had to put a stop to this. "Ma, how do you know they aren't going to have a homemade meal? Maybe they have somewhere to go after they get out of work."

She was quick to reply, "What if they don't?" Still witnessing the defiance in Eric's features, she knew she still had one ace in the hole, and now was the time to use it. "Eric, those kids deserve to have a good meal, and not a frozen dinner, on Thanksgiving. We have plenty here to share. If you won't bring it to them, then I'll just do it myself."

Eric wanted to argue, but he knew he'd lost this one. His mother knew there was no way he'd let her leave the family on Thanksgiving to make this delivery, and he knew if he refused do to it, she'd most certainly do it herself. She'd effectively backed him into a corner. Across the room, Maria could see how uncomfortable Eric was. She also knew what their mother was doing, though she wasn't as certain as Carmen that it was a good idea. She was about to speak up, come to her brother's defense, when she was interrupted by her eldest daughter's sudden outburst.

"You're going to see Tia Calleigh? Can I go too?" Bella yelled excitedly. Maria quickly knelt down next to Bella, grabbing her hands as she spoke softly to her. "Sweetie, remember what we said about Miss Calleigh?"

Bella rolled her eyes and crossed her arms in front of her. "I know, Momma. I'm s'posed to call her _Miss_ Calleigh. But Momma, I always forget. Can I still go see her?"

Eric reached down and placed his hand on Maria's shoulder, silently telling her with his eyes that he'd take care of this. When Maria moved, he bent down and lifted Bella up to sit her on the counter in front of him. He cradled her little face in one hand before he bent over to kiss the top of her head.

"Listen, Bella. I know you love Calleigh. And if you want to call her Tia Calleigh, as long as she's okay with that, then you go right ahead, okay?"

Bella hung her head and mumbled softly, "But Momma said it makes you sad when I call her that. I don't want you to be sad, Tio."

Eric hated that the situation that he was in was causing his sweet niece such distress. Holding her little hands, he swallowed some pride as he assured her, "Princess, I promise you, it doesn't make me sad when you call her that. You can call her whatever you want to, as long as it's okay with her. Deal?"

Bella started bouncing in her seat as she squealed, "Deal, Tio. Can I come with you today so I can ask her if it's okay? Please!"

Maria stepped in then. "Bella, you can't go to Tio's work today. Abuela needs our help here." Bella's lip curled out in a pronounced pout, and Maria was about to scold her before Eric stopped her with a gentle touch to her arm.

He lifted Bella off of the counter into his arms and gave her a big hug. Pulling her back slightly to look at her directly, he stated firmly, "Bella, I can't take you to the lab today. Calleigh is busy working and we can't interrupt her. But I will tell her that you want to talk to her. I'll make sure she has your phone number so she can call you, or I'll give your Momma her number and you can try to call her when she's not working, okay?"

That seemed to satisfy the little girl, who nodded her head and offered, "Maybe she can come to one of my soccer games. I got real good since the last time she came to see me play. I wanna show her how good I can score goals now!"

Eric put Bella down and patted her rear end softly, smiling as he told her, "Well you can ask her and I bet she'd love to come see you play. Now, I think Abuela needs some help, okay?"

Bella took off to find her grandmother, and Maria approached Eric with a look of apology. "I'm so sorry Eric. We really tried getting her to understand."

Eric stopped her. "It's okay Maria. I get that the girls love Calleigh. She loves them too. I don't want to take that away from either of them, or from Calleigh. I'll get used to it - I have to. Besides I still work with her anyway, so somehow I'm just going to have to learn to get past the awkwardness."

Maria looked up at her little brother, knowing how hard it would be for him to do what he'd just said he would do. She felt for him. Leaning in towards him so only he could hear her, she whispered, "I'm sorry that Mom's pushing so much. Do you want me to take the food over to the lab so you don't have to?" She motioned over to the other counter where Carmen and Bella were carefully loading several plastic containers of food into a brown shopping bag.

Wrapping her in a grateful hug, Eric laughed a bit under his breath. Their mom certainly knew how to get what she wanted. "Thanks for offering, sis, but I'll be okay. I'll just drop it off quickly and come back. I promised the girls I'd play Candyland with them later."

Maria laughed, "No wonder you're their favorite Tio!"

Eric shoved her good-naturedly as he quipped, "I'd take that as a compliment if I didn't know I was their _only_ Tio!"

"Well, I think even if Paul's sister gets married, you'll still be their favorite Tio! Listen, I know it's been a long day. If you just want to head home after you make the drop-off, I'm sure everyone would understand. You can play a game with the girls another time."

"Nah, I enjoy spending time with them. And there's some pumpkin flan with my name on it that I really want to eat when I don't feel like I'm about to explode! I'll be back in a bit."

Maria kissed Eric on the cheek. "I'm proud of you, little brother."

Eric offered his thanks, kissed her back, and headed off to find his mother, who was in the dining room with Bella. The little girl quickly stuffed something into the paper bag that was sitting on the table, then offered a quick "Bye Tio, see you later!" as she skipped out of the room to find her sister.

Carmen stood and walked to her son, taking his face in her hands. "Mi hijo, I'm sorry if I made you upset. But think about it. Calleigh has no family here. A day like today must be so lonely for her. She deserves to feel like someone cares enough about her to at least offer her a nice dinner. I know things have changed now, but can you just do this for me…Please."

She was right. Despite what had happened, Calleigh had no one here in Miami, and even if she didn't love him anymore it didn't mean she didn't deserve to _be_ loved, even if it was by his family. "It's okay, Mami. I know you love Calleigh. And I know she thinks of you like a mother. God knows she deserves to have that. It's still hard for me, but I'm working on it. Maybe someday it won't hurt so much and I can just be friends with her again. But for today, I will bring her your food and make sure she knows that someone was thinking about her on this holiday, okay?"

Satisfied that her plan had worked, Carmen smiled proudly. "Good! Thank you. And she wanted it to be a surprise, but Bella put a little present for Calleigh in the bag. Can you make sure she gets it?"

"Sure thing, Mami. I'll go bring it now, and be back in a little bit. Save some flan for me, alright?"

Patting Eric's cheek, Carmen sweetly assured, "We won't start dessert till you get back. Then you have first dibs on the flan." She moved around him and back into the kitchen. Eric turned to pick up the bag by its handles, when he noticed Bella's "surprise" inside, and pulled it out to see what it was.

On a very orange piece of construction paper, Bella had drawn and decorated a 'hand turkey,' where she'd traced her hand and filled in the fingers with bright colors to represent the feathers. On the top, in her crooked elementary writing, she'd printed out "Happy Thanksgiving Tia Calleigh" and on the bottom she'd carefully written 7 numbers. Her telephone number.

Eric's heart skipped a beat. It hurt to think about the relationship he and Calleigh would no longer have with his nieces and nephew. Together anyway. The kids still looked at Calleigh like family, not really understanding how real life worked. But if it made them happy, he hoped Calleigh would still consider being a part of their lives, even if it wasn't in the role of his girlfriend. Placing the picture back in the bag, he slipped out the front door, intent on making his delivery and getting back to his family as soon as he could.

/EC/

As Eric approached the front of the building, bag of food in hand, he realized that actually completing this task was going to be way more difficult than simply _promising _to complete this task. But, a promise was a promise and he intended to keep it, even though way back somewhere in the recesses of his mind he kind of hoped Calleigh would be on a call-out and he could just leave the bag with a note and high-tail it out of there before she ever saw him.

Once inside, Eric approached the reception desk. He didn't know the officer that was stationed there very well, but wished him a Happy Thanksgiving before asking if he knew whether or not Detectives Simmons or Duquesne were in the building. '_Just my luck_' he'd thought when he was told that Detective Simmons had left for the day, but that Detective Duquesne was still on duty and in the building, more specifically, in the evidence locker. Eric thanked the officer and made his way down to find Calleigh.

Before he even reached the evidence locker, he heard the unmistakable sound of her heels clacking on the linoleum floor, and looked up to see her heading towards him, head buried in a case file. Noticing someone in front of her, she looked up slightly, then did a double take when she realized the person before her was Eric.

"Hey," she drawled, "What are you doing here? I figured you'd be having dinner with your family."

Eric shrugged his shoulders. "We had dinner already. I'm actually here to see you."

Calleigh felt a warmth radiate through her at hearing those words from Eric. He hadn't purposely sought her out for anything in a very long time. It felt undeniably good.

"Umm, my mom wanted me to bring this to you. Actually to you and Walter, but they said at reception he was gone already."

Well, maybe it felt slightly less good now that she knew he was only sent here by his mother. But regardless, he still came, and that had to count for something.

"Yeah," she relayed, "it was really slow today. A few night shifters had come in earlier, glad to work and get some holiday pay, so I let Walter leave. A friend of his was having a late dinner, so he was going to go there and have a proper meal."

Motioning down the hallway towards the elevator, Calleigh asked, "Listen, I'm headed down to the break room now. Will you walk with me?"

Eric nodded silently and fell into step beside Calleigh. Not sure he even wanted to know the answer, Eric looked down at his feet as he asked, "What about you? You going somewhere when your shift is over?" They entered the elevator, and as the doors closed, she sighed softly. "No, just working here on some cold cases. I figured I'd stay till I couldn't stand reviewing old case files any more, then go home to a frozen dinner and whatever Christmas movie that catches my fancy."

Eric nodded his head, quietly uttering, "Oh. I thought maybe you'd be going to a friend's place for dinner or something, like Walter did." Secretly Eric was glad she wasn't going somewhere, because it helped him hang on to the hope that she hadn't found someone else. He couldn't bear to even think about her being with another man.

Having reached their floor, the doors opened and they began walking towards the break room. Calleigh forced a smile as she told Eric, "Nope. No plans. Kinda just another day for me, ya know? I will call my dad later though, and at least get to talk to him and see how his Thanksgiving went."

Entering the break room, Eric placed the bag on one of the tables and pointed inside. "Well, at least you won't have to eat a frozen dinner anymore. Mami sent you all kinds of stuff she knew that you like. There's turkey in here…pork, rice & beans, mojo sauce, tostones, you name it. She even sent you some rum cake. She, uhh, she said that everyone should have someone who cares about them enough to make sure they have a real dinner on Thanksgiving."

Calleigh tried to look at Eric, to see his eyes. She wished she could get a feel for whether or not there might be a hint of that 'care' he'd mentioned – that maybe it wasn't just his mother who cared about her; that maybe he still did too. But he wouldn't look at her; had his attention focused inside the paper bag where he was rummaging for something. Finding what he was looking for, Eric looked up and handed Calleigh the picture that Bella had made. It immediately brought a smile to her face.

"She made it especially for you," he pointed out. "She wanted to come here with me to see you. When we told her she couldn't come, she made that and insisted that I give it to you."

Tracing her fingers over the cute and colorful turkey, Calleigh murmured, "That's sweet." Then noticing the numbers printed on the bottom, she looked up and questioned, "What's this mean?"

Eric looked away, fidgeting uncomfortably. He really wanted to leave now. He'd done what he'd promised to do, but friendly chitchat wasn't part of the deal. He didn't want to be rude, however, so he answered Calleigh's question.

"That's their phone number. We had a talk with her today. Even though my sister had tried to get her not to, she kept referring to you as 'Tia' Calleigh. Maria didn't think I'd want her to call you that anymore; that it would make me angry. But Bella just gets upset whenever anyone corrects her about it. I told her that if it was okay with you, she could still call you Tia Calleigh, but if you don't want her to, we'll…"

"Eric," she interrupted, "I don't mind at all, but I also don't want to cause any waves or upset anyone."

He shook his head. "No waves Calleigh. We're all fine with it. Those kids love you, and they would really like for you to be a part of their lives, if you're willing to."

"I want to be a part of _all of your lives_, Eric."

Still not quite ready to handle the whole 'lets be friends' thing, Eric took a step back to distance himself from Calleigh and simply offered, "They'll be really glad to hear that. Bella was hoping maybe you could go to see her play soccer."

Still holding the orange construction paper in her hands, Calleigh grinned. "I'd love that. I'll call and talk to her soon." She'd noticed that Eric had sidestepped her last statement, and while it still hurt, she'd expected it. But this was the most she'd talked to Eric in months, and she felt that if ever there was a time for her to make a move, now was it. Especially since she could sense that Eric was beginning to get more and more uncomfortable, all while moving closer and closer to the door.

Taking a deep breath and readying herself for a battle, Calleigh was about to address Eric when he beat her to it. "Well, Calleigh. I hope you enjoy your dinner. I don't wanna take up your whole break, so I'm gonna get going…"

"Eric, wait!" The intensity with which she'd just blurted that phrase surprised even her. It got his attention though, and he looked directly at her, maintaining eye contact…something he hadn't done for more than a few seconds at a time since he'd surprised her in the hallway earlier.

Her demeanor softened a bit as she continued. "I was wondering…would you be willing to meet me somewhere for lunch tomorrow?"

Gone again was the eye contact, and Eric struggled for words to respond. "Calleigh, please don't do this. I already told you I can't…"

"_Please_, Eric. I know I'm not your favorite person in the world right now. I know you're upset with me. But there are some things I need to tell you, things I need to explain. All I ask is that you hear me out. If you don't want to do lunch, we can make it just a coffee. I won't take up much of your time, I promise."

Rubbing his hand nervously over his face and the top of his head, Eric grumbled, "Calleigh, why are you doing this to me?"

The hurt in his voice nearly broke her resolve completely, and she looked away.

"Eric I've never meant to intentionally hurt you, and that's not my intent right now either. I just…I need to talk to you, and not here at work. Please Eric, if you ever cared about me, will you just give me this. Let me say what I need to say." On a whisper, she added one desperate and final, "_Please._"

Eric wasn't sure he'd ever really heard Calleigh plead before. He didn't want to do this. God, how he didn't want to. But if she needed this that badly, for closure or a clearer conscience, or whatever the heck it was, then he could suck it up and just agree. One cup of coffee. How bad could it be, right? Well, never mind…

Squeezing his eyes shut and rubbing his temple, fighting off the massive headache he felt coming on, Eric took a deep breath. Looking back and finding Calleigh's normally bright green eyes now glossy with despair, he officially gave in.

"Fine, Calleigh. If you need this that much, then yes. I'll meet you for coffee."

It wasn't exactly the reaction she'd dreamed of, but he'd accepted the invitation, however hesitant though it might have been. He'd agreed, and now she'd finally have the chance to tell him what she'd been wanting to tell him for so long. She just wished she knew a way to manipulate the outcome.

"Thank you, Eric. I do appreciate it. How bout the place up the street from here, say one o'clock?"

"One o'clock. I'll be there."

As he turned to leave, she called to him one last time. "Happy Thanksgiving, Eric. Thank your mom for me, and give everyone my love."

He flashed her a forced smile as he replied, "You too, Calleigh. And I will." Ironic, he thought, that she was so free to give her love to his family, but not to him. Trying to forget about all that just happened, and to not think about the disaster that tomorrow could turn out to be, Eric made purposeful strides out of the building and back towards his car. He had a Candyland game to get to, some flan to eat, and he wasn't going to let _this_ ruin the rest of his holiday.

Calleigh watched him leave, nervous energy running rampant through every nerve in her body. This was it. Tomorrow would be, in essence, a new beginning. She was scared to death. In fact, she'd never been more scared in her whole life. But the idea of bearing her soul to someone who could very easily crush it and leave her broken and empty was something worth being afraid of.

Yes, tomorrow would be a new beginning. But Calleigh could only hope that it was a beginning that included she and Eric making a path towards healing and getting back what they once had, because if it was the beginning of a life without Eric, then it would be the start of a life she wasn't sure how she could ever endure living.


	20. Chapter 20

_Okay, so I apologize for the wait again, but honestly, this chapter chewed me up and spit me out. Several times. I'm still not sure I like it, but I don't think there's anything more I can do about it. It's a monster, over 7000 words, my longest chapter yet of this story. I debated splitting it into two, but was afraid that would break the flow. And in all honesty, you've waited so long for these two to reach this point, I figured a long chapter wouldn't be SO bad._

_Just a warning, this chapter kinda goes to many places. So in case anyone is confused, the sections in italics are Calleigh's flashback to earlier in the day. The sections in bold are the lyrics from the song on the radio. The rest is her 'real time' thinking. I hope it's not too confusing._

_Lastly, gosh...I reached 200 reviews with the last chapter. I'm blown away. Thank you to each and every person who's taken the time to give me their thoughts! You people ROCK! ~ Jen_

_Addendum to Author's Note: __Forgot to add this earlier, but the song mentioned in this chapter is "Back To December", and in case you live under a rock, or on Mars, all credit (both writing and performance) goes to Taylor Swift._

**Chapter 20**

The late afternoon sun shone brightly, creating a warmth that seemed in contrast to the late autumn weather one would expect at this time of year. But this was Miami, and seasons were just different here than in other places. It was one of the perks of living here.

Calleigh was in her car, windows down and radio on, navigating her way back to her home in Bal Harbor. Normally she'd have taken the causeway to get there. It was direct and fast, and for a perfectionist like Calleigh, usually, it was the only option. It was sensible, logical, economic. It saved time, which was important, because every minute saved was a minute earned, and there were _never_ enough minutes in the day.

But today was different. Today had been difficult, and she'd had no desire to hurry up and get home. There were no chores or tasks or work that she had a burning desire to attend to. What she needed today was time to think. She needed some quietude to organize her thoughts and feelings. And she knew she'd never get that at home. Inevitably, something would draw her away from those thoughts – a phone call, a chore needing completion, a journal that had yet to be read. Right now she wanted no distractions, so she'd opted to take the scenic route home.

It was that very scenic route that led her to this quiet stretch of beach – one she'd never stumbled upon before. As she pulled into the small parking area, she turned the engine off and stared out at the clear, sparkling water before her, the soft notes of a song on the radio catching her attention…

**I'm so glad you made time to see me  
****How's life? Tell me how's your family?  
****I haven't seen them in a while**

Calleigh laughed, as the opening lines of the song immediately brought her back in time to a mere few hours ago. To her meeting with Eric. She'd waited nervously at a secluded table in the small coffee shop, hoping Eric would show up, but deathly afraid that he wouldn't. When the small bell on the front door jingled for about the tenth time since she'd sat down, she almost didn't bother to look, fearing that yet again, it would be some person that was most definitely _not_ Eric. But she _did_ look, and that particular time it finally _was _him that walked through the door, and as relieved as she was, the fear of the conversation they were about to have crept in and almost paralyzed her. Almost…

_Eric took a moment to spot her, then made his way back and quietly took a seat in the chair across from her. She nervously smiled and offered a simple "Hi" and he reciprocated the greeting. The waitress approached, having been told by Calleigh earlier that she was waiting for a friend and that they'd order when he arrived. Orders placed, they then looked at each other again, discomfort evident in each of their every move._

_Calleigh figured she should speak first, being that she'd been the one to ask him here. With her hands fidgeting in her lap, she looked at him shyly and stated, "Thanks for coming, Eric." A nod of his head was all he offered, and she was reminded how hard this was going to be. But the stakes were high here, and so she trudged on. _

"_The food your mom sent was delicious. It was nice to have a real Thanksgiving dinner. I need to call her to thank her for thinking of me. Did you guys have a nice holiday?"_

_Eric looked away, and she could see the sadness that was latent in his eyes. It had to have been difficult for the family without Pavel, and she wondered if maybe she shouldn't have asked._

_Eric shrugged his shoulders and replied quietly, "It was okay. It definitely wasn't the same without my Dad there. We didn't have a houseful like usual, just my sisters and their families with Mom and me. If it weren't for the girls, it probably would have been really depressing, but we tried to make it nice for them."_

_Calleigh's heart ached for him, and she wished she possessed some sort of magical powers to take his sadness away, or to bring his dad back. Obviously she couldn't, so she did all she could do, which was offer her sympathies. "I'm sorry Eric, I can only imagine how hard it must have been for all of you." _

_He shrugged his shoulders once again, telling her simply, "We got through it." He obviously wasn't offering up any other details on the matter, so the topic was officially closed. _

Still sitting in her car, the next few lines of the song jolted Calleigh back to the present.

**You've been good, busier than ever  
****We small talk, work and the weather  
****Your guard is up and I know why**

Small talk. That's exactly what she'd tried to change the subject with. She'd brought up a case he'd recently closed, complimenting him on all of his hard work paying off in a swift arrest and the promise of a slam-dunk conviction. Eric's continuous shifting in his chair, and his inability to look her in the eye had made it more than clear that the small talk was no more comfortable for him than the conversation about the absence of his deceased father at a family holiday gathering.

**Because the last time you saw me  
****is still burned in the back of your mind  
****You gave me roses, and I left them there to die**

Funny, it was still burned in the back of her own mind too. And she'd thought about that earlier at the coffee shop. The waitress had delivered their drinks, and the tension had eased slightly. Silence had fallen over them, as both fidgeted with the to-go cups their coffee had been presented in. While Eric could think about nothing more than how he wanted to make a quick exit, Calleigh's mind had been transported back to the day she'd officially broken up with him. She'd been so sure it was what she wanted, what she needed. Yet she had never seen Eric look as broken hearted as he'd looked that night. The tears, the begging, the quiver in his voice. It would forever be ingrained in her memory.

He'd brought her a lovely bouquet that night; not roses, but her favorite – tulips. They were the most beautiful pink and yellow tulips. But after he'd left, she'd never brought herself to put them in a vase with the sustenance they'd needed to remain alive and beautiful. She'd simply left them on the counter. She hadn't felt she'd be able to look at their beauty every day without feeling guilty for what she'd done to Eric, but then she'd also felt too guilty to throw them away, knowing he'd spent a decent amount of money to purchase them for her.

So they'd remained resting flat on marble surface, and by the next night, they lay withered and dead, still wrapped in shiny cellophane and curled ribbons. Evading the guilt had been unavoidable, apparently, as she'd found that throwing away that dead bouquet was one of the hardest things she'd ever brought herself to do. She hadn't just tossed some dead flowers in the trash; she'd thrown away the best relationship she'd ever had.

The bell on the front door of the coffee shop had rung out again, snapping Calleigh from her memory. She'd looked up from her cup to Eric. He'd looked at her at the same time, and seemed to steel himself. He was the one to break the silence.

_"Calleigh, listen. I didn't come here for small talk. I don't think that's why you asked me here either. You seemed to have something you wanted to say, and not to be rude, but I'd appreciate if you'd just say it."_

_Looking into his eyes, she knew that this was it. This was where she swallowed her pride, owned up to her mistakes, asked for forgiveness and begged for another chance. She owed him that much. She owed herself that much. This was also where she could be rejected, told that she'd lost her chance, that she'd caused too much hurt. This was where she'd learn what path the rest of her life would follow. And it scared her to the core to know she had absolutely no control over it. Eric would be the one to decide which path she'd take, and the fact that his choice was completely out of her control left her feeling like she was free falling…without a net. _

_Nibbling on her lower lip, she whispered, "You're right Eric. There is something I have to say. Something very important, actually. This is extremely difficult for me, so please bear with me…let me get it out. And please don't run. Just let me finish. You really…well, you really deserve to know…everything."_

Calleigh leaned her head back against the driver's seat headrest and continued staring out at the ocean before her, the calm waves lapping up along the empty beach. The same song on the radio continued to play, and she was kind of amazed how one song could relate so closely to her very own life…

**So this is me swallowing my pride  
****Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night  
****And I go back to December all the time  
****Turs out freedom ain't nothing but missing you  
****Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine  
****I go back to December, turn around and make it all right  
****I go back to December all the time**

No, it hadn't December…but she certainly went back to _May_ all the time. Every single day since then, she's returned to that breezy May night, when Eric walked out of her door for the last time. Every single day, she's wished she could go back to that night, knowing about herself what she's learned since then. That conversation would have been so different. She'd thought she wanted the freedom, to protect her heart, but freedom from Eric had only left emptiness in its wake. She'd wanted the independence, but what she'd gotten was an aching, sad, excruciating loneliness. The freedom she got, well…it broke her heart. She missed Eric so much that it physically hurt.

Yes, if she could go back, she would change it all.

But the past was the past, and Calleigh knew she could now only worry about the future. And she'd taken a step towards that future earlier today. After having asked Eric to hear her out, he'd silently agreed, and finally…finally, she'd worked up enough nerve to tell him the truth…

_"Eric, I need you to know that it was never my intent to hurt you…"_

_When Eric raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes in disbelief, she quickly interjected, "I'm not saying that I _didn't_ hurt you, I'm just saying that I never meant to. And I'm so, so sorry that I did. I didn't lie to you when I said that I cared about you, Eric. For God's sake, you've been my best friend for 10 years. I don't think I'll ever stop caring about you. I don't think I could if I tried."_

_Eric seemed to accept her explanation and he let her continue on, though he couldn't look her in the eyes. _

"_It's just that after everything that happened, and all that you'd kept from me, I just didn't feel like I could trust you anymore. And I can't be in a romantic relationship with someone I can't trust. And I get why you couldn't, I really do, but I wanted so much to still be friends with you, Eric. I missed you, I _miss_ you, so much."_

_Eric shook his head, trying to keep his composure. He fought to keep his tone level as he demanded, "Calleigh, don't you get it? You're the one whose feelings changed, not me. How in the world did you expect me to still be in love with you, and be around you, but not be _with_ you? It's not like I could just change my feelings that fast."_

_Calleigh sighed, worrying her lips as she thought about what next to say. Her eyes were glossy with unshed tears as she looked at Eric and told him softly, "I know Eric. It was selfish of me to expect that from you. And I'm sorry for that. But you should know something…when you said that my feelings changed, that…umm…that wasn't true."_

_Calleigh could see the emotions raging in Eric's eyes. Disbelief, confusion, anger…they were all there as he slammed his cup down on the table and growled, "What? What are you talking about, Calleigh? That's a God damned lie. You _left_ me…obviously your feelings changed!"_

_Calleigh was finding it impossible to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat, and that was making it more difficult to find the words to say to the man before her who was obviously extremely upset. She was no longer able to hold in the tears, a few making tracks over her cheekbones and eventually falling to the table below. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes before continuing._

"_Eric, it's not a lie. I promise you, I'm not lying to you. I didn't feel like I could be with you, as a couple, but my feelings didn't go away either. I never stopped loving you. The love I had for you was stronger than I'd ever felt for anyone else in my whole life, it still is, but at the time, I just…I didn't think that love was enough with everything else that was going on."_

_Feeling like the walls were caving in on him, Eric's precarious hold on his temper was quickly fading. "Are you serious, Calleigh?" He was trying his hardest not to yell and cause a disturbance in the coffee shop, but it was getting extremely difficult, so he stood up, reached in his pocket and threw some money on the table to pay for his drink, and stormed out the door grumbling, "I don't believe this…"_

_This wasn't exactly how Calleigh had envisioned the ending of this scenario would play out. She added her own money to the table and followed Eric out the door, hoping there was something she could say or do to make this right._

_She spotted Eric walking down the street towards his car, and ran after him, calling his name. "Eric? Eric! Please, come back!" She quickly caught up to him, reaching out to try to grab his arm. "Eric, please! There's more I need to explain."_

_He forcefully pulled his arm away from her as he turned around. The anger in his eyes was deep-seeded, and while she understood it, she was still a bit frightened by it. She was startled when he started yelling, and she took a few steps backwards._

"_Explain? What exactly could you need to explain, huh? Do you think whatever you have to say is gonna make me feel better? Because I don't know…it was one thing to think you didn't want to be with me because you didn't love me anymore. I was learning how to live with that. But now you tell me that you didn't stop loving me; that you just didn't want to be with me? Yeah, that's great…really helps make me feel so much better, Calleigh, to know that I can't even keep a woman who claims she loves me. Some man I am, right? God, this is so fucked up!"_

_Eric's yelling had garnered the attention of various people on the street, and Calleigh was extremely uncomfortable. She felt vulnerable because his words were hurting her and she wanted to just close herself off from it like she had always done in the past. She wanted to just walk away and protect herself from the pain. But she also knew that right now, if she didn't straighten this out with Eric, he'd be gone for good. And she'd worked too hard to let that happen now. So she took a step closer to him, remained calm and gently spoke to him._

"_Eric, I'm not saying you shouldn't be mad. You have every right. But there's more to this than you let me explain." Looking around, Calleigh spotted a bench near a fountain across the street. Gesturing towards it, she pleaded, "Please, just let me finish what I have to say. Come sit with me…five minutes. Just five more minutes so I can explain everything. That's all I ask."_

"_Why bother, Calleigh. What's the point?" he asked, exasperated. _

"_I have a point, Eric. Just give me a few minutes to get it across to you. Please."_

_Still breathing heavily, Eric closed his eyes as he rubbed the top of his head franticly. When he opened his eyes to look at her, the anger wasn't gone, just more under control. _

"_You have five minutes, Calleigh. That's it. You better make them count."_

_He then turned and crossed the street abruptly, leaving her standing there alone. She gathered herself for a second, then quickly made to follow him across the street, almost walking into an oncoming car in her haste. The loud blare of its horn startled her, and yet she noticed that Eric never once turned around. His stride was strong and determined, and she knew as she followed him that she had her work cut out for her. _

The closing of a car door startled Calleigh out of her memory, and she looked to her right to see a young woman in jogging gear stretching at the front of her car, now parked beside her own in the beach's small parking lot. After a few minutes she'd gotten herself loose enough and briskly headed down to the beach for her run. Calleigh almost wished she were wearing the proper attire to do the same, as running always helped her clear her mind. Watching as the jogger's image grew smaller in the distance, Calleigh was once again drawn back into the surprisingly relatable lyrics wafting from her car stereo.

**These days I haven't been sleeping  
****Staying up late playing back myself leaving  
****When your birthday passed and I didn't call**

Sleeping. No, she hadn't done much of that in the past few months. She was never able to turn her mind off long enough to get a restful sleep. And then there were the dreams. Dr. Johnston had prescribed her a sleeping aide, but she was hesitant to use it. The doctor had explained that they could be highly addictive if used regularly, and in all honesty, Calleigh didn't like the way she felt the morning after she'd taken one. So she saved them for emergencies, for situations in which she'd felt if she didn't finally get some sleep, her health or her job would be affected.

She was pretty sure that tonight, sleep would probably be more elusive than usual.

**I think about summer all the beautiful times  
****I watched you laughing from the passenger side  
****I realized I loved you in the fall  
****Then the cold came, the dark days  
****When fear crept into my mind  
****You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye**

It may be Miami, a Mecca of warmth and sun, but the last few months without Eric had been nothing but cold and dark for Calleigh. Fear will do that to a person. And at the heart of it all, it was her fear that had caused this whole situation. Calleigh had let fear run her life for so long without ever realizing it, and it's the reason she'd lost Eric. Fear of trusting him; fear of getting hurt; fear of loving him and receiving his love in return; fear of letting herself believe that what they'd had together was real and could last. Eric had given her everything she could ever want, and her fear kept her from being able to accept it. Fear had robbed her of her happiness, and the bigger crime was that it had stolen Eric's happiness as well. And that hurt Calleigh more than anything else ever had.

Calleigh had born witness to that hurt as she'd looked into Eric's eyes earlier today, and it had almost killed her. The desire to eliminate his pain is what had given her the strength to follow him across the street and finish what she had started in the coffee shop. Sitting on the bench next to him, she'd tried in vain to control the trembling in her extremities, but to no avail. She was too nervous to even consider it, so she'd taken as deep a breath as she was possibly able, clenched her hands together, and proceeded to put her heart and soul on the line…

_"Thank you, Eric."_

_Eric just stared straight ahead at the fountain. She knew he'd heard her, even though he hadn't replied, so she continued._

"_What I told you before was the truth, Eric. Everything I'm telling you is true, I promise. I didn't break things off because I fell out of love with you. At that time, I was so scared. I loved you so much, but the lies…" _

_As she paused, Calleigh took another deep breath, hoping to help calm the erratic beating of her heart. She could feel it pounding against her ribcage, and was almost certain that Eric could probably see it if he'd bother to even look at her. But she knew she couldn't expect that of him right now, so she did her best to control her nerves when she continued. _

"_I had opened my heart so much to you, Eric. And the lying, it hurt me deeply. It shook the solid core of trust I had in you. And after all that had happened, I was so scared of getting hurt again. I knew _you_ had the capability of hurting me more than any other person ever had, because I had let you in farther than any other person I ever have, in my whole life. So I did what I thought I had to to protect myself."_

_Eric continued to stare at the fountain before them, watching as the streams of water shot into the air, then fell and disappeared into the pool below. It was probably good they chose this place to have this conversation, because the fountain had soothed him some, relaxed him enough to speak again without screaming at her._

"_Calleigh, I honestly thought we'd gotten past the whole thing with my father. I didn't hide that from you because I _wanted_ to. I was in danger, and if you knew, then you would have been in danger too, and I loved you too much to do that to you."_

_"I know Eric. I won't say it didn't bother me, but I understand your motivations as far as that was concerned."_

_Eric groaned._

"_Then if this is about what happened with Rebecca and the whole 'stolen diamonds' thing, Calleigh…can you even understand what a bind she put me in? I couldn't tell you about that, I just couldn't. I contemplated quitting just to avoid having to participate in that investigation, but then the thought of some other person who didn't care about you guys sticking their nose in the situation…that made me even more sick. There are things they wouldn't have looked past - Ryan's gambling issues, Nat being the mole, practically all of Horatio's behavior since Marisol died. And you, Calleigh…they would have seen about the off-duty shooting and how Stetler thought you were drunk, or when you got kidnapped and what happened when you were forced to tamper with that evidence. I couldn't let anyone else see that and judge you for it. You all would have been suspects, and I wasn't going to let that happen…"_

_With a deep sigh, Calleigh whispered, "I know, Eric."_

_Suddenly, Eric's control was gone again._

"_What the hell, Calleigh. You keep saying 'you know'. Well if you KNOW, then why the hell are we here right now, having to do this? If you KNOW, then why have I been alone and fucking miserable for five months?"_

_In a characteristic nervous gesture, Calleigh began to nibble on her bottom lip as she wrung her hands harder than she had before. It was now time to share with Eric something that she'd only told one other person in the world. Something she wasn't exactly proud of, but that she knew was going to, one way or another, put her life back on track._

_Looking up at Eric, who in his anger, held her stare in a demand for answers, Calleigh spoke softly. _

"_I hate myself for putting you in misery. I really do. But some things are different now than they were back then."_

_He'd wanted to retort with a sharp barb, something caustic and hurtful, but he held his tongue. His raised eyebrows and angry glare were just as effective._

"_I…I've been in therapy, Eric."_

_As angry as he still was, his underlying concern for Calleigh pushed to the surface._

"_Therapy? What…what happened? Are you alright?"_

_She was grateful for the worry that seemed to have replaced the anger in his eyes. It was so much easier to talk to him when it didn't feel like he wanted to rip her apart at the seams. _

"_You weren't the only one who was miserable. Like I said, I still loved you, but had pushed you away. My emotions were all jumbled and I was confused. Every day I questioned my decision. I missed you, but was afraid of getting hurt if I tried to get you back. I was a mess. Then, umm, well then your dad passed away. I wanted so badly to help you through that, but you wouldn't even talk to me. I loved Pavel, and all of a sudden he was gone, and so were you. I'd lost a man who was like a father to me, I'd lost my boyfriend, and I'd lost my best friend. I felt like my whole world was caving in on me. One day I kinda had a breakdown, and after some advice and a nudge from…well…"_

_A small grin appeared on Eric's face. "Alexx?" _

"_Yeah," Calleigh chuckled at his insight. " I begrudgingly went once. I _hated_ the thought of it, but I needed to get some control back again, because I was so lost. At first I held a lot back. But eventually I realized it could be really helpful. I've been going for 3 months now. I can't say I'm all fixed or anything. But I have learned a lot about myself."_

_Eric looked at Calleigh in shock. She'd fought tooth and nail anytime she'd ever been mandated by the PD to see the in-house shrink for a required session after a stressful event. When Speed died, the crane incident, when she'd been run off the road, the kidnapping – all the near brushes with death she'd suffered, and there had been plenty. He knew she'd gone into those sessions closed-minded and had fed the therapist whatever line she thought they'd want to hear so they'd approve her return to work._

_Now she'd willingly gone to therapy? After that admission, Eric wasn't even sure what to say to her. He settled for a quiet, "I didn't know. Alexx never told me…"_

_She quickly interrupted him. "Nobody knows, Eric. She only knows because she more or less forced me to go and recommended someone for me. I made her promise not to say anything. I haven't told anyone. Not my dad, not Horatio or anyone else at work. Just Alexx and…well, and now you." _

_It touched him for a moment that he was one of the only people she'd confide in about something as important as this, but then frustration set in again. He buried his face in his hands for a moment before sitting up and looking back to her._

"_I'm glad you're getting help, Calleigh. I really am. But what exactly does it have to do with us being here right now? How am I supposed to respond to this, because I'm not sure I know why you're even telling me all this."_

_This was it. This was the moment she'd wanted for so long. God, she hoped she didn't mess this up. Steeling herself, trying valiantly not to cry, she turned more towards Eric on the bench. She wanted to grab his hand, knowing the contact would bolster her strength, but also knowing it would be too much for him. They weren't _there _yet. With another deep breath, she found herself as ready as she was ever going to be._

"_I know this is a lot to take in and process in one conversation, but I'm hoping you won't just shut me out. Like I told you before, I've learned a lot about myself in the last few months. I've learned there are reasons behind many of my actions that I had no clue even existed. I've made so many mistakes, Eric. Some I can't take back, can't fix."_

_Sitting up as straight as she could, Calleigh spoke her next words with all the conviction she could conjure up. She'd never spoken truer words than she was about to say to him, and she wanted her body language to reflect it too. _

"_Letting you go was the biggest mistake I ever made. You…you're everything to me, and I let my fears consume me, let them take over and push away the best thing that ever happened to me. I know we can't just go back, like nothing happened. But I can't _not_ have you in my life anymore, Eric. If it's too late for you, I'll have to learn to live with the fall out of what I did. But I'm kinda hoping that it' s not too late. I'm kinda hoping that you might be able to find a way to forgive me, in time, and maybe give us another chance." _

_To say that Eric was shocked would be a gross understatement. As he stared at her, mouth gaping open, he was trying to convince himself that he actually heard what he thought he heard. After all this time, after all the begging he'd done, _now_ she's changed her mind? He'd dreamed of this, thought he'd be elated to hear her say those words to him. But somehow the actual moment didn't live up to his expectations. _

_He stood up and walked closer to the fountain, staring at the various coins in the pool and wondering what exactly people had wished for when they'd tossed them into the water. He'd made a wish or two himself in the past months, never really believing they'd ever become true. Seemingly, some greater power seemed to want to answer those wishes right now, and yet…_

"_Calleigh, I can't tell you how many times I hoped and prayed I'd hear you say that. And I thought the second you changed your mind, I'd be the happiest man in the world and we'd just live happily ever after."_

"_But?" she responded quietly._

"_But…God, Calleigh. I don't feel like I thought I would. I have so many questions, so many doubts. If I wasn't good enough for you before, what makes you think I'm good enough now? Because I'm still the same person. How do I know that the second I do something stupid, and I _will_ do something stupid, that you won't walk out on me again. How do I believe that you won't always play the trust card on me? It hurt the first time around, Calleigh. But I honestly don't know if I could handle it if I let you back in and you pushed me away again."_

_After letting his thoughts settle in for a few moments, Calleigh pushed herself up and stood beside Eric, looking into the same rippling water that he was. _

"_I can't make any guarantees, Eric. But I can tell you this…you've always been good enough. The difference is that I'm a different person now. Well, not so much different, but I have a better understanding of why I've made some of the decisions I have. There's stuff… in my past… that I never really dealt with, and I never realized how it was affecting me now. But I'm dealing with that, working through some issues. I never thought I'd ever say this, but the therapy has helped me immensely. I'm so much more self-aware and I've learned so much about myself."_

_Turning to Eric, Calleigh was grateful that he was now willing to look at her. She needed him to see the sincerity with which she was speaking._

"_I'm not trying to make excuses for myself, Eric. I messed up, I know that. I screwed up and I hurt you in the process, and I'm not sure I can ever even forgive myself for that. But in the last few months of my self-discovery, the biggest thing I realized was that I was a fool to let you go. I love you, so much it scared the crap out of me. Five months ago, I was too overwhelmed to let it happen. But now…now, it overwhelms me to think that I could lose you forever. I miss you. I miss us. God, I miss your family. I think about them all the time."_

_They both smiled at the mention of his family._

"_I'm sorry, Eric. For hurting you, for hurting them. I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye to your dad. I'm sorry I was too messed up in the head to see that I had everything I ever wanted. I know we can't just pick up where we left off. I'm not expecting us to fall back into each other's beds and think that all the wrongs have been righted. But I'm hoping, maybe, that we can have a fresh start. That we can talk. I have things I want to share with you, things I couldn't say before but finally have the skills to communicate now. I want the chance to prove to you that I've changed, and that things will be different this time. So different. Eric, I just want a chance…I need a chance…please."_

_Shaking his head, Eric hesitantly asked, "How do we even make a fresh start, Calleigh? After all we've been through, after what we were, how do we ignore that and try to start like nothing about us ever existed? I don't know that I could do that."_

_Calleigh pursed her lips as she thought about what he'd said, and he was right. She tilted her head as she responded, "You're right. There is a lot of history with you and me. But maybe…well, at the core of our relationship has always been a strong friendship. Can't we just fall back to that? Spend some time talking, listening, learning. Support each other like the friends we've been for so long. Then see where that leads. I won't lie to you. God Eric, I want us back. But if all we can recover is our friendship, then I'm okay with that. I'll regret for the rest of my life losing the one man who was everything to me, but I'll be able to get past it if I still have my friend. Because more than anything, these last months without you were hell because I lost the best friend I've ever had. I need that, Eric. I need you in my life, even if it's purely platonic. Though I hope it can be more than that again, in time, and I'm willing to give you all the time you need."_

_Looking away from him, Calleigh shuffled her feet a little and spoke a bit sheepishly. "I know the last time, you had to do a lot of waiting around for me. I didn't exactly make it easy on you. Well, now it's my turn to wait. We go at your pace, do it your way this time, Eric. And I'll wait as long as I have to. Just like you waited for me."_

_Eric wanted so badly to just take Calleigh in his arms and act like the last half a year never happened. But he couldn't change the fact that the past 5 months did in fact happen, and things did change. And while Calleigh claimed she was different now, in truth, so was he. He was more jaded and cynical, less likely to make decisions with his heart. He thought more about consequences now. It was a self-protection mechanism of sorts, not willing to let himself go through the crippling pain again that he'd felt when Calleigh had left. And right now, his brain was screaming at him that this could be a very bad idea. _

_At the same time, his heart, which had for years belonged to the beautiful woman standing nervously before him, was pleading with him to capitulate; to take her in his arms and kiss her like he'd never kissed her before and love her forever. Happily ever after, that's what his heart still wanted. _

_Unfortunately, Eric couldn't silence either inner voice, and it left him excruciatingly torn. As Calleigh watched him, she could see that as clear as day in his expressive eyes. It gave her hope._

_Taking his hands in hers, she spoke in a tone she hoped would convey her understanding. "Listen, like I said before, I know this is just too much to take in and process all at once. I won't ask you for an answer right here, right now. Just promise me you'll give it some thought. Maybe we can meet again for coffee or lunch or something. At the least, you deserve to know the things I've figured out, that I'm learning to come to grips with. You've always been there for me, more than anyone in my life ever has been. You deserve to know because it was you who helped me get to this point, regardless of what our future holds."_

_She stared at him hopefully, still clutching his hands in her own. "What do you say? Will you agree to at least think about it? Then we'll talk some more, when you're ready?"_

_Eric gently removed his hands from hers and sighed, "I can't promise you anything, Calleigh. But I'll think about it. That's all I can give you right now."_

_Smiling, she whispered, "That's all I ask, Eric. That's all I ask." He didn't say yes, but he hadn't said no either. She was satisfied with that, because it meant that, however small, she still had a chance._

A cool breeze blew through the car window, tousling Calleigh's hair, tickling her cheek in the process and bringing her back from her daydream. And there was that song again…

**I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right  
****And how you held me in your arms that September night  
****The first time you ever saw me cry**

That naturally tan skin, so opposite of her own light complexion. So different, yet it always amazed her how despite the contrast, they blended together so perfectly. It bothered neither of them, instead captivating them both when they were skin against skin, dark against light; perfectly diametric, yet breathtakingly complementary.

And that smile. She'd never been as mesmerized by a simple gesture as she had been when he'd smiled at her. That one smile, reserved for her and only her. The one that told her everything – that he loved her, cherished her, would look out for her always, would be hers for always. So much conveyed in a simple upturn of lips. Those beautiful, amazing, full lips.

And while Eric hadn't broken down all of her walls, he'd broken down some. Enough that he was the only person in her adult life that she'd let herself openly cry in front of. Crying left Calleigh feeling weak and vulnerable, yet with Eric she'd felt safe enough to allow those emotions come though. It never lasted long, but no matter when she fell, Eric was always there to catch her and hold her until she'd regained the strength to stand on her own two feet.

**Maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming  
****If we loved again I swear I'd love you right  
****I'd go back in time I'd change it, but I can't  
****So if the chain is on your door I understand**

God she hoped it wasn't just wishful thinking. If Eric would just give her a second chance…she couldn't undo what she'd already done, but this time around, man it would be so different. She'd take nothing for granted. She'd be fully willing to accept the love he offered, and she would love him like he deserved to be loved. No holds barred, no holding back. She would not only give him the very best of her, but trust him with the very worst of her as well.

Calleigh wouldn't let herself get her hopes up too high, because Eric could still come back and say that the damage that had been done was beyond repair. And while it would absolutely break her, she'd take responsibility for the consequences of her actions and let him go. If he couldn't let her back in she'd accept it, but she prayed with everything in her that he'd open that door to her again.

**I go back to December, turn around and make it all right  
****I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind**

Calleigh got out of her car, feeling the sudden need to walk on the beach. She wanted to feel the cool sand between her toes, to be close to the water that was so much a part of Eric. She walked a few minutes, before finding a spot near a decaying log. She sat down, resting her shoes atop the wood and reclining her back against it. Looking out over the ocean, the sky was starting to change colors as the sun was making its way lower in the sky.

Calleigh closed her eyes, breathed in the salty air, ran her fingers through her hair and found herself smiling, something she hadn't been doing much of lately.

But if there was anything worth smiling about, it was 'the talk' she'd had earlier in the afternoon. She'd opened herself up, and it had been hard, but not nearly as hard as she'd thought it would be. Part of the reason for that, she believed, was what she had seen in Eric's eyes. Always the window to his soul, she could see that despite his hurt, and despite the confusion he was feeling, deep down he really did still care for her. And that's what she would hold on to. She'd still have a lot to explain to him, a lot to make up for. She would have to give him time to work through his own doubts about her, but she was ready to prove herself worthy of his love again.

She was willing to wait, just like she'd told him. She owed him that. Hell, the man waited _years_ for her to make up her mind. She hoped it wouldn't take that long this time, but if that's what it did take, she'd do it. It would be worth every second of her patience, because Eric was her 'one.' The one she knew she was meant to spend forever with.

Yes, for Eric she would wait. He was worth it. _They_ were worth it. She just hoped he felt the same way.

**I go back to December all the time  
**

* * *

5/28/11 - I must apologize. In going back to reread the posted version of this chapter, I discovered some formatting issues that somehow changed from my original document when I uploaded it, that I hadn't realized. Spacing, italicizing, etc. I think I got it all fixed now. Sorry if it made anything harder to follow!


	21. Chapter 21

_Hey friends! I'm back for the next chapter. Hope you will enjoy it despite it being shorter than the last few.  
The usual stuff applies: I do not own CSI:Miami or the characters...still...unfortunately.  
Those of you who take the time to review, well you rock my socks off. Well, if we weren't in a heat wave and I had socks on you would. Will you settle for rockin' my flip-flops off at the moment? :) ENJOY!_

**Chapter 21**

It had been two days since their "talk." A whole forty-eight hours, and yet Eric still felt as conflicted as he had the minute she'd admitted she wanted him back. He had no idea what he'd tell Calleigh at this point, because he still simply had no clue what to do. His heart and his brain were at war – a heated battle between common sense and emotion brewing deep within him, leaving him confused and emotionally drained.

The sound of the front door opening startled him. It was Sunday night, and he'd spent the evening with his family at his mother's house after his shift at work. As often as they could, the Delko's tried to keep to their tradition of Sunday family dinners, especially now with Pavel gone. They felt more than ever the need to remain close. After dinner, at his nieces' request, the family had retired to the living room to watch a movie. About halfway through Nemo's adventures, Eric received a call from work and excused himself to the front porch to take it. Once he'd finished talking to Ryan, his mind drifted and he didn't quite make it back in the house.

At the sound of the door clicking shut, he looked up to see Maria, who came out and sat in the chair next to him, concern written all over her face. "Is everything okay, Eric?"

Eric smiled reassuringly at his sister. "Yeah, everything's fine, Maria. That was just Ryan. They ended up with a lead on a case I worked this morning, and he just wanted to confirm some details before he ran with it."

Leaning back in her chair, Maria offered him a wry smile and stated, "But Ryan and that phone call aren't what had you sitting here staring off into space for the last ten minutes."

It wasn't a question, and when Eric looked at his sister, he knew he couldn't even bother to try to manipulate the situation to prove her wrong. She was too good at reading him. He leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees and stared at his shoes, simply telling her, "I'm fine, Maria. Really."

A sarcastic giggle escaped her lips, making Eric look suddenly at his older sister. She was shaking her head. "Eric, I don't know why you think you can feed me lies like that. I know my brother, and this…" she gestured towards his slumped posture, "this is not my brother being 'fine.' This is my brother with something heavy weighing on his mind."

He sighed. "I never could hide anything from you, could I?"

"Nope, so why start now? What's eating at you, little brother?" She reached out and gently rubbed his arm, willing him to purge his troubles. He didn't respond right away, so she asked, "Is this about Calleigh?"

When Eric buried his head in his hands, Maria knew she'd guessed correctly.

"What happened, Eric? Get it off your chest. Let me help you."

Sitting back up in his chair, Eric exhaled deeply. Maybe his sister could help him sort this out.

"You know on Thursday, when Mami made me bring the food to Calleigh at work?"

Maria groaned inwardly. She had been afraid that their mother's little stunt would backfire. But Eric had returned that night, and hadn't said anything, so she'd assumed it had gone off without a hitch. Maybe she shouldn't have been so quick to assume.

Eric continued when Maria nodded her head in acknowledgement. "Well I gave her the food. We talked for a few minutes. She went on about needing to talk to me outside of work, asked me to meet her somewhere the next day. I didn't want to, but she was adamant. I thought she needed some kind of closure or something, so I went, figuring if she got what she needed then maybe she could just move on and stop pushing me about 'still being friends.' I thought maybe it would be what we both needed to get on with our lives."

With her brow scrunched, Maria hesitantly replied, "I get the feeling that's not exactly what happened?"

Eric stood up from his chair, and walked to the edge of the porch, leaning against the support post. "No, that's not what happened at all. She begged for me to come back, Maria. She said she realized she was wrong, said she's been in therapy, and asked me to take her back."

Stunned wasn't quite the word to describe how Maria felt. She hadn't expected that scenario at all. For a moment, all she could bring herself to say was, "Wow."

"Yeah, wow" Eric repeated.

Maria approached her brother, squeezing his shoulder in a show of support. "So the love of your life said she wants you back. I'm kind of surprised you're not jumping for joy at this development."

"I'm so friggin' confused, Maria," he blurted. When Eric looked at her, she could see the conflict in his eyes, and wished she could take it all away for him.

"I mean, all I've ever wanted is Calleigh. So yeah, part of me does want to jump for joy. But then there's the other part of me. The one that reminds me how much it hurt when she left me. Who's to say she won't do it again? And why did she all of a sudden change her mind? I can't get hurt like that again, and that part of me keeps thinking if she were to change her mind again, I don't think I could handle it."

Maria tugged on Eric's arm, coaxing him to sit on the top step of the porch stairs next to her. She reached out and grabbed his hand as she asked him, "Did you say she was in therapy? What is that all about?"

He nodded. "Yeah, she told me that she never stopped loving me, that she left because she was scared and didn't think she could trust me. She said she struggled because she _did _still love me, and then after dad died she wanted to be there and couldn't and I guess she kinda had a breakdown, and Alexx convinced her to do therapy."

"What do you think about that?"

"Well, I'm surprised. She's never been the type to seek help. She's so stubbornly independent. She never wanted to go even when it was mandated by the department. She internalizes everything, so I know for her to willingly agree to therapy, it was a big deal."

Eric shrugged, then offered, "She said she's been going for three months, and that she's learned a lot about herself. She's dealing with some stuff from her past…"

When he trailed off, Maria spoke up. "You told me she had a hard childhood, that her dad was an alcoholic. Do you think that's what she's talking about?"

Eric fiddled with a thread on the hem of his shirt. "I don't know. We didn't really get into it. I hope that's what she meant, because I always thought that it was all too much for her to take on all by herself. But…I just don't know."

They sat in silence for a minute before Maria braced herself and spoke up again.

"Eric, can I just give you my opinion? I know you're going to do what you want, what you need to do for _you_. But will you just consider a little advice from your big sister?"

He looked at her and smiled. "I'll always accept advice from you, Maria. I can't always guarantee I'll use it, but I'm always willing to listen."

"Good to know," she laughed as she nudged him with her shoulder.

"Eric, I think you've seen enough in your own job what can come of people who come from bad upbringings. Calleigh didn't turn out like many of the people you deal with, but you can't go through a childhood like she had and not be affected somehow. I know Calleigh is strong and driven, and I've even seen how compassionate and caring she is. And Eric, I know, without a doubt, how much she loves you. You can't hide feelings like that. But if any of what you told me is true, and she grew up the child of an alcoholic and who never had an adult who really took care of her needs, well…she probably has issues that she never knew she had. There are probably emotions she just never learned how to deal with. I have a feeling that probably had a lot to do with what happened between you two. And maybe, now that she's getting the help she probably could've used a long time ago, she's learning to deal with the stuff that she never knew how to before."

Eric just listened, processing his sister's ideas and wondering how true they just might be.

"Listen, Eric. I love you, and the last thing I want is to see you get hurt again, to see you in more pain than you already are. But I also believe with all my heart that you and Calleigh are meant to be together. Even during all this time apart, I never believed it was truly over."

Maria laughed at the look of shock she received from Eric.

"Don't get me wrong, if that girl ever did anything to intentionally hurt you, she'd have me to deal with. And it wouldn't be pretty, guns or no guns!" They both giggled and Eric was thankful to Maria for lightening the mood.

"But that said, I don't honestly think that Calleigh could have helped what happened. That poor girl never had the likes of my baby brother in her life before – someone who loved her unconditionally and planned to be there for her, and take care of her. I think it probably was overwhelming and scary, and she ran for the hills because she didn't know any better."

Eric looked out across their yard, deep in thought as Maria was talking. He knew she was right, but yet…

"I get that Maria, I really do. But that doesn't change what happened. She hurt me. And I'm not sure I'm convinced that it wouldn't happen again. Even if she might not mean it, that wouldn't mean it would be any less painful for me."

Maria took a deep breath before she replied, bracing herself for his reaction.

"You probably don't want to hear this, but I'm going to say it anyway. You hurt her too, Eric. She was learning to trust you, and then all of a sudden you kept something huge from her. You learned that your birth certificate wasn't real, your dad wasn't really your dad, and then you almost got deported. She almost lost you, and you hadn't told her a single thing. I know you both thought you got over that, and whatever happened with Alexander, but maybe, for someone like Calleigh, that was just too huge a hurdle to clear at that point in her life."

Watching Eric turn that over in his mind, Maria took his hand again.

"Eric, no one ever likes to admit that they're wrong. But just like you stepped up and faced the music when you messed up, that's what she's doing now. You know how you felt back then, and that's probably exactly how she feels now. And I'm not saying that you should just take her back like nothing ever happened. You both will have to learn to trust each other again. But I think what you two had is important enough to at least give it a try; to at least get together and talk it out. Real love like you have with Calleigh, it's worth fighting for, Eric."

Eric sighed, a tear falling slowly down his cheek as he released the breath. "I miss her so much, Maria. But I'm scared. That probably sounds so dumb…"

"Eric!" she interrupted. There's nothing at all dumb about fear. It's a legitimate emotion and you should never be ashamed of that."

Wiping a few more unfallen tears from his eyes, Eric looked at his sister with those big brown eyes, searching for an answer. "Do you really think after all that's happened, that it could honestly work for us? Do you think we can get past it all? Do you think she could finally just let me love her? Because I'm just not sure anymore…"

Maria wrapped her arm around her much larger "little" brother, pulling him close to her. She was confident in her reply. "It may be a cliché, but love, mi hermano, is not easy. Sometimes you have to work really hard for it. But I'm being nothing less than honest when I tell you that there are not two people in the world who I think belong together more than you and Calleigh. I think your love is special and strong, and it will overcome this setback, and any others that may crop up in the future. And I think that you guys are going to make a beautiful bride and groom someday and will eventually make me a "tia" again, many times over."

Eric pulled away from his sister, grinning at her vision for the future. It's what he had always longed for, but right now was afraid to think could still be in the cards. Maria didn't have to hear him verbalize his question, it was written all over his face.

"I do believe all of that, Eric. I believe it with all of my heart. I don't know how the Gods chose you two to be all star-crossed. I mean, I love Paul, but it wasn't like that for us. We met, had a bunch in common, dated, fell in love, got married, and had kids. I'd never change a thing. But you guys, it's like some bigger power brought you together. You've each had this uncanny knack of saving the other. By the time you finally got together, I think the love was just ready to explode at that point. So yes, I think that you have some work to do, but I think you'll both figure it out in the end and all that magic will come back."

Eric was a bit surprised by Maria's admission, but it warmed his heart. He'd always believed that he'd had 'other worldly' help to find his soul mate, and it was nice to know that he wasn't the only one that felt that way. But recapturing the magic, as Maria had put it, wasn't exactly going to be easy.

"I'm not even sure where to go from here, Maria. I don't even know how to talk to Calleigh anymore. I know we need to, but I don't know how to go about it."

Maria was glad that Eric seemed to be coming around. Smiling warmly at him she suggested, "Well, start small. Don't get into the big heavy stuff right away. Get used to being around each other without the cloud of bitterness hanging over you. Do it in public, where you're less likely to get too deep into anything. Go out to lunch, or a movie, or…better yet…"

Eric laughed as he could see the twinkle in his sister's eyes, indicating she'd just come up with the perfect solution.

"Better yet, what?" he asked cautiously.

"Well, Bella's been nagging me about getting 'Tia Calleigh' to come to one of her games. That would be a great start. Invite her to one of those. It's very informal – a jeans and t-shirt and hot dog eating kind of affair. Kind of fun and carefree. And Bella would be thrilled on top of it all."

Eric leaned into his sister, playfully knocking her off-balance. The smile on his face was the most genuine one she'd seen him display in quite a while.

"Ya know, I hope Paul realizes what an amazing woman he's got in you."

Maria laughed and explained cockily, "Of course he does! I remind him every day so he won't ever forget it!"

Eric rolled his eyes, then grabbed Maria and wrapped her in a tight embrace. "Well I don't think I tell you enough, but I'm lucky to have you for a sister. Thanks for always being there for me, and for keepin' me in line."

Maria stood up, ready to head back into the house. Giving him a wink, she assured him, "That's my job, Eric. I'm gonna go back in now before they send out a search party."

Eric stopped her just before she reached the door.

"Maria?"

"Hmm?" she replied.

"Can we just keep this between you and me…for now. I just, well…you know Mami. I know she always means well, but when she "helps" sometimes things get…"

She quickly interrupted, understanding completely. "You don't have to explain, Eric. I won't say anything. This is for you and Calleigh to work out right now. We won't let Mami stick her meddling hands in till you're ready."

Sighing in relief at her understanding, Eric offered simply, "Thanks. I love you, big sister."

"I love you too, little brother! Now get your butt inside and watch the rest of this movie with the kids. If we've got to watch it _again_, so do you, Tio!"

Maria entered the house, leaving Eric laughing on the porch. He took a few minutes to think about her advice. He wasn't any less scared than he'd been earlier, but at least he'd decided that he owed it to both himself and to Calleigh to at least talk things out. And Maria's suggestion of using Bella's game as a stepping-stone was perfect. Somehow he'd work up the nerve and ask Calleigh to come to a game, and if they could make it through that with a minimum of awkwardness, maybe they could take the next step. And just maybe Maria would be right about the end result.

Five minutes later, Eric was laying on the floor in the living room. Nicolas was sitting on his hip, Bella was curled up in the crook of his arm, and Ari was dancing around the living room singing, "_Just keep swimming…just keep swimming_."

And behind him on the couch, Maria watched not the movie, but her youngest sibling…smiling at the thought that someday, the kids that bounced on his hip and cuddled in his arms would belong to him and a certain beautiful blonde woman.


	22. Chapter 22

_Yes, I'm alive. And no, I haven't been getting much writing done now that the weather is over 70*. I do apologize for that, but as I've said before, never fear, for I could never leave this baby unfinished!  
That said, I thank each and every one of you for your reviews, story/author alerts, etc. I have been extremely bad about personally responding to your reviews and messages, but I promise each note is appreciated and kept close to my heart! You all are amazing.  
I know this chapter is short. It was actually part of a much larger chapter, but I decided to make it separate, to set up the next one, which is 3/4 written. I have very good intentions to post that one before the weekend's out! We'll see what happens! Enjoy, my 'Hiphugger' friends! And THANKS, as always..._

**Chapter 22**

It had taken three days. Well, technically, it had taken five. It had been five days since Calleigh had come clean to Eric, but it had been three days since the conversation with his sister had convinced Eric that there was more that needed to be said between he and his former girlfriend. For three days he'd thought of ways to ask her about coming to Bella's game on Friday afternoon. Yet for three days, he'd been unsuccessful. He'd chickened out every time he'd thought he'd worked up the nerve to go through with it.

He'd written several text messages and emails that eventually got deleted before he could bring himself to press the 'send' button. He'd selected her number from his contact list on his cell several times without ever actually making a call. He'd even thought about asking Bella to call her and do his dirty work for him, but realized that it wasn't fair to either Bella or Calleigh. This was something he needed to just man up and do himself. It was a kids' soccer game, not a vow of 'in sickness and in health.' He could do this.

That's what he found himself saying as he stood outside Firearms watching Calleigh, who was engrossed in a task, trying to match bullet striations for a case they were working on. He'd been standing there for several minutes, observing her every fluid move. Watching her hair fall forward over her shoulder as she leaned into the microscope to get a closer look at the striations. Watching her hand glide elegantly across the page of the report as she recorded her findings. Watching as she shifted her weight slightly from one foot to the other, obviously beginning to feel the effects of standing too long on those ridiculous high heels of hers. Ridiculously _sexy_ high heels if he was honest, but oh how he couldn't go there now.

"_I can do this!_" he convinced himself one last time, as he finally…finally…pushed open the door to enter her domain.

Hearing the door open, Calleigh looked up and smiled brightly upon seeing who her visitor was. "Hey, Eric!" she greeted cheerily.

Eric approached her workspace, consciously trying to reign in his nerves. "Hi, Calleigh. Got anything for us?"

Calleigh stepped aside, gesturing to the microscope in front of her. As Eric bent down to take a look, Calleigh triumphantly announced, "I do. This bullet definitely came from that gun." She pointed to the weapon that had been found at the scene earlier and that she'd just test-fired a short time ago.

"So, if you can work your magic and place that gun in Mr. Vargas' hands, then we have our murder weapon, and our killer."

Eric smiled. "Well I wouldn't call it magic. He made it pretty easy. There was a fat, juicy print on the grip, as well as a partial on the magazine. Both are a match to Vargas. I love when a criminal gets careless."

Calleigh laughed. It was nice to laugh again with Eric. Things had been so tense between them for so long that it felt good to have a light-hearted moment.

"Well if you just give me one minute, I'll finish up this report and it'll be ready for you to add to the case file."

Eric nodded, responding, "While you do that, I'll call Walter and have him go pick up Vargas."

When Eric ended the call a few minutes later, Calleigh stood waiting with her report. Eric took the paper from her hands, adding it to the folder in his own.

"Thanks, Calleigh. I'm going to go let Horatio know what's going on, and then Walter and I have a scumbag to process. I'll see you later?"

Calleigh smiled, returning to her workspace once again to seal up the evidence for the case. "Sure thing. See you later, Eric."

Well, it was now or never, Eric thought. He almost wanted to just turn around and walk out, and try to work up his nerve some other time. But he'd been doing that for days, and it was high time he just opened his mouth and put the offer out there.

There was a short awkward pause before Eric turned to Calleigh and bit the bullet, so to speak.

"Hey listen, Calleigh. I was wondering, uhh…"

She could see as she looked up from securing the evidence box that Eric was jittery and quite nervous…refusing to make eye contact. She simply smiled and gave him the time he needed to get out what he wanted to say.

"Well, Bella has really been wanting you to come see one of her soccer games. I think I've told you that. She's really been nagging Maria about it. I was wondering if, maybe, if you don't have other plans or something, you might wanna come to her game on Friday night. I know you have to work, but I thought maybe if there's not a lot going on here and you get out at a reasonable hour, maybe you could come. I mean, I understand if it's too short notice or…"

"Eric…" Calleigh interrupted him. He was rambling, barely having taken a breath since he'd begun his awkward invitation. She couldn't deny that it was slightly adorable, but she also didn't want him feeling uncomfortable any longer than necessary.

When he didn't look at her, she called him again, this time gaining his attention. Finally able to look directly into his eyes, Calleigh smiled and offered softly, "Eric, I'd love to go."

Releasing a long breath in relief, Eric looked down to the folder in his hands as he gathered his thoughts.

Looking back to Calleigh, he sighed, "Yeah. Okay, that'll be great. Bella will be excited to see you. And um, I guess it'll give us a chance to, maybe, talk a little."

Calleigh was so grateful for the opportunity Eric was nervously offering her. She had tried not to get her hopes up for fear that he might eventually tell her that he still wanted no part of her or a relationship with her. And he had every right to feel that way. But deep down, she'd prayed that he'd feel that she deserved another shot. That _they_ deserved another chance. And while this was only a first step, and a tiny one at that, she was going to embrace it.

Not wanting to appear over-eager, for she didn't want to scare Eric away after he'd made what appeared to be a difficult decision for him, Calleigh took a deep breath and turned towards him, taking a mere few steps to get a little closer. In a voice that was barely more than a whisper, she told him, "I'd like that, Eric. Very much."

Eric quickly rattled off the specifics of the game, and shuffled out of her lab quickly. As much as she wanted to believe it was because he was in a hurry to lock up Vargas, she knew he was still uncomfortable around her. But, that was okay, for now. Her plan might be moving forward painstakingly slowly, but it was moving forward. And as long as that's the direction it kept heading, she'd hang on to her hope of a happy ending.


	23. Chapter 23

_Okay, so I'd tried for the end of the weekend, but getting it up by Tuesday afternoon will have to do! I make no guarantees on the next chapter though! This one's longer...should make up for the last one. I hope.  
All the usual stuff - I thank you profusely for your comments and support. I don't own anything that's recognizable from TV, unfortunately. I do own Bella and Ari though, and I'm kinda proud to call them my own! :)~  
Enjoy, my wonderful FF Friends! I bring you now the game you've all been waiting for! _

**Chapter 23**

The sounds of children's voices carried through the air, mixed in with the shrill sonance of the referee whistles and the loud shouts of over-bearing parents along with the encouraging cheers of the supportive ones. A typical day at the soccer fields. Yet Eric could hear none of it.

It was Friday, quarter after 6 pm. He was seated on a far end of the home side bleachers, plenty of space next to him for her - if she decided to show, that is. He realized that it was only 15 minutes. He'd told her the game started at 6 and she'd promised to be there as soon as she could break away from work. She'd given no indication that she didn't want to come, so he realized he should chalk this 15-minute delay up to the crazy job they held. Getting out on time was never a guarantee, and he knew that. And there was traffic too. This time of day, traffic could be miserable. Yet Eric could still not bring himself away from staring at the parking lot, wondering if her car would soon make an appearance.

Had he checked his phone, he'd have realized how wrong he'd been to even worry in the first place.

Suddenly, he felt the metal bench next to him dip with the weight of a person sitting down. At first he was frustrated, as he'd chosen this far end of the bleachers specifically for the solitude it provided. Most of the parents either sat at the end of the bleachers closer to where the kids and coaches sat on the sidelines, or they brought their own and sat even closer to the field in chairs that were most likely less 'butt-numbing' than the torturous metal slabs that he was currently seated upon.

Turning away from the parking lot in annoyance to see who dared disturb him, Eric quickly discovered there was no need to be upset, as his new seatmate was someone he rather liked.

"Hey, Maria."

Eric's sister nudged him with her shoulder as she replied, "Hey, Little Brother! What are you doing way down here all by yourself?"

Eric just shrugged his shoulders.

At his lack of answer, Maria continued. "I have another chair in the car if you want to come join us. Paul took Ari up to the snack bar, but they'll be back in a few minutes."

Eric gave her a shy smile. "Thanks, Maria. But I think I'm okay right here for today."

Suddenly, Maria got a knowing glint in her eyes and grinned widely at Eric. When he noticed the recognition in his sister's eyes, he looked down to his fidgeting hands, a bit embarrassed.

She grabbed hold of one of those hands as she tried to calm him. "Hey, it's okay. I get it. I'm sure she'll be here soon. I'm glad you asked her to come."

Eric was thankful for his sister's presence, as her reassurance did seem to calm him down a little. He reached his arm around her shoulders and squeezed her in close to him, kissing her temple as he told her, "Thanks, Maria. For everything."

Gently patting him on the knee a few times, she stood up. Before descending the bleachers to head back to her chair, she leaned over and gave him a wink. "Make sure she comes to say 'hello,' okay?" Eric nodded, and soon he was again alone.

Once his sister made it back and he could hear her rooting for Bella out on the field, Eric turned back towards the parking lot. He discovered quickly that he wouldn't be alone for long. Calleigh had arrived and was walking towards him, dressed much less formally than she had been when he'd left work an hour ago. Jeans had replaced her black trousers; a green V-neck t-shirt had replaced her blouse and blazer. Gone were her trademark stilettos, replaced by a pair of whimsical open-toed sandals that revealed her perfectly pink pedicure. And her previously down and loose hair had been swept up into a casual ponytail.

Casual. It had been a long time since Eric had seen Calleigh in 'casual mode.' As she approached him, she almost took his breath away. But not quite. He couldn't forget why they were here in the first place. He couldn't let himself be mesmerized by her mere beauty. There was a lot that had to take place before that could happen again. For now, he needed to gather himself and find a way to be with Calleigh in a casual setting again. It had been a while and he honestly didn't know how this was going to work.

Calleigh spotted Eric as she got closer and a smile took over her face. He could tell she'd let go of all the stresses of work, because the smile was easy and genuine. As she reached the bleachers, her soft southern twang rang out as she spoke.

"Oh my gosh, Eric, I'm so sorry I'm late. Did you get my message?"

His look of surprise was all the answer she needed to know that he hadn't gotten her text.

"Oh no! I texted you before I left work. I swear I did. I didn't want you to worry that I wasn't coming."

While Calleigh was speaking, Eric grabbed his phone from his back pocket and immediately saw that he had a new text message. He looked up at her apologetically as he opened the phone to read the message:

"_Running a bit late. Last minute details to wrap up on my case. Gonna change and I'll be there in 30! Cal_"

Closing his phone, Eric apologized. "I'm sorry, Calleigh. I don't know how I didn't hear the message come through. I would have responded had I seen it."

Calleigh just waved her hand dismissively and replied, "Don't worry, Eric. I'm sure it was just noisy here and that's why you missed it. I just didn't want you to think I was bailing on you. You know how hard it can be to actually walk out the door at the end of a shift sometimes. Always someone wanting your signature, your time, your expertise." She sighed deeply while shaking her head. "But I finally managed to get out, and I'm here now, so no more 'office talk'."

Calleigh pointed to the spot next to Eric on the bleachers. With a sly grin, she asked, "Is this seat taken?"

Laughing, Eric made a grand gesture towards the area beside him. "Nope, was saving this spot for you."

Calleigh climbed up and sat beside Eric. She noticed right away that as she took her seat, Eric slid down a little further, leaving plenty of space between them. She would have liked to have been closer, but also understood that at this stage personal space was going to still be an issue.

They sat for a moment in silence, neither knowing exactly where to start a conversation. Calleigh rested her feet upon the bench in front of her, then leaned and rested her arms upon her knees as she looked out upon the field. She scanned the kids in their purple and black uniforms, trying to make out which one was Bella.

Smiling when she recognized her, she pointed and asked Eric, "Is that her? Number eight?"

Eric returned her smile as he nodded. "Yep, that's our Bella. She's gotten pretty good. She's one of the best scorers on the team. She's really worked on her footwork, and she scores a lot more goals these days. She's been wanting you to see. She'll be glad you're here."

It turns out, Bella was good topic to kick-start their conversation with. For the next twenty minutes, they talked about her as well as Ari and Nic. Kids always provided funny stories, and both Eric and Calleigh seemed at ease keeping the conversation centered around his amazing nieces and nephew. Calleigh did notice that Eric never mentioned anything about Anna's pregnancy. She hoped that things were going well, but didn't feel comfortable bringing it up if Eric hadn't mentioned it.

Suddenly, their conversation was interrupted by a familiar voice calling to them.

"Tio Eric! Tia Calleigh!"

Turning towards the home team's bench on the sideline, they both noticed Bella standing and waving her hand crazily at them as a smile consumed her face. They both waved back, Eric telling her that she was doing great and that they promised to see her when the game was over. Bella returned her attention back to the game, though her excitement at seeing Calleigh there had remained uncontained as she continued jumping up and down in place.

Eric turned back to Calleigh, grinning proudly. "See, she's so excited to see you that she can't stand still. She looks like a little 'Mexican jumping bean!' And you know she's going to try to show off for you now too."

Laughing, Calleigh responded, "I'm sure she's just as excited that you're here too, Eric."

"Oh no, I'm here for every game…or at least I try to be when work allows it. And she's never that antsy when she sees me here. I guarantee you, when they put her back in the game, she goes out and scores a goal in like a minute, and it'll be you she turns to for praise. Just watch…"

Calleigh was about to answer him when she felt a tug on her shirt from below. When she turned to see who it was, she discovered the most adorable dark-haired, dark-eyed little girl staring up at her. A little girl Calleigh had missed whole-heartedly.

Ari reached her arms up, wiggling her fingers in a sign that she wanted to be picked up as she shrieked, "Tia, Tio…up please?" Calleigh reached down and lifted her up, placing the toddler on her lap. Ari's arms instinctively wrapped around Calleigh's neck in a hug, and Calleigh squeezed her back without hesitation. It felt good to see her, to snuggle with her. Calleigh had missed the warm feeling of being part of the Delko family.

Leaning back to get a good look at the girl, Calleigh tickled her belly and asked her playfully, "So how's my little monkey doing?" Ari just giggled, then leaned over towards Eric and planted a big kiss on his cheek. "Hi, Tio," she managed through her laughter.

Calleigh watched as Eric leaned over and kissed the tip of Ari's nose, and commented on her pretty headband, which she told him she had just gotten. Calleigh could tell that Eric wasn't just making conversation, he knew that the accessory was new, and that Ari would delight in telling him all about it, which she did. Some men, even ones who were fathers, would never notice something like a little pink headband with a white bow attached to it. But Eric cared; he noticed little things, things that were important to a two year old. Calleigh found herself thinking that what she'd just witnessed was even important to a thirty-something year old.

Lost in her thoughts about how sweet Eric was, Calleigh was drawn back when Ari wiggled in her lap. She noticed that Eric had pointed to a stain on the front of Ari's shirt, and asked her, with a tickle, what had happened. Those big, dark eyes grew bigger in excitement as Ari announced, "Daddy got me ICE CREAM!"

Eric raised his brow in mock surprise as he gasped, "Ice cream? And you didn't share it with me?" When he made a gesture of placing his hands on his hips in frustration, Ari leaned over and put her little hand on his shoulder, offering adamantly, "Tio! Daddy gotted that one for me. You hafta get your own. Up there," and she pointed to the snack bar. Eric and Calleigh laughed, both of them privately reminiscing about times like this in the past, before things had all gone wrong.

Suddenly Ari pointed out on the field, and yelled excitedly, "Look! Bella!" Both followed her lead and noticed that Bella was back in the game again, and they all watched as a whistle blew and kids began running up and down the field again. Sure enough, Eric's prediction was pretty spot-on. It wasn't long before Bella used some fancy footwork to outsmart a defender, made her way towards the goal, then faked one way causing the goalie to commit, allowing her to deposit the ball into an open net with one swift kick. After a quick celebration with her teammates, she ran up towards the bleachers and, as proud as could be, exclaimed, "Tia Calleigh! I scored a goal! Did you see?"

Calleigh offered her praise, telling her what a great job she'd done and how proud she was. Bella happily ran back to the game when her coach called for her, and Eric just looked at Calleigh with a raised brow. "Told you so!" Calleigh just shrugged him off, and they continued to talk about Bella and her improvement and the team.

After a few minutes, Calleigh felt Ari tapping her on the shoulder with a tiny finger to get her attention. When she looked at her to see what she wanted, Ari leaned in and said softly, "Tia, I hafta go potty." Calleigh laughed, reminded of that day at the park when Ari had 'whispered' the same declaration for all to hear. Before she could respond, Eric was getting to his feet, telling her, "I'll bring her back over to Maria, Calleigh."

Calleigh gently grabbed his arm, pulling him to sit back down. She shook her head as she told him, "No, Eric. It's okay. I can manage a trip to the little girls room. I'll take her. We'll just be a minute."

Eric tried to convince Calleigh that she didn't have to go, but she would have none of it. As she hopped off the end of the bleacher, Ari's little hand in her own, she turned to him and asked, "If Maria gets worried, just tell her Ari's with me, okay?" Eric nodded his head, accepting defeat. Though he really wasn't feeling all that defeated – the excited look on Ari's face alone was enough to eliminate any regret for losing this particular argument. And deep down, the sight of Calleigh interacting with his family again tugged at heartstrings that hadn't been pulled in quite a long time.

A few minutes later, Eric was watching Bella play when something, or someone, caught his attention. When he turned towards the parking lot, he discovered his friend and co-worker, Victoria Mercier, hurriedly making her way towards him.

"Hey, Eric!" she called out. He smiled, returning the greeting.

"Running late, I see?" he teased.

Victoria shook her head and grimaced. "I just couldn't get away any earlier. But I promised Janelle I'd be here, so here I am." She gestured towards Eric with a tilt of her head. "What are you doing way over here? I have another chair in my trunk if you'd rather have a comfier seat. Looks like there's plenty of room over where your sister is sitting."

Eric shrugged, not exactly sure how to broach the topic with Victoria. She was very nice, and they'd enjoyed spending some time together watching their nieces play, but he was not comfortable sharing anything with her about his relationship with Calleigh.

"Thanks, but I'm okay here for today. I, um, I have company."

Victoria looked at him in confusion, but before she had the chance to ask him what he was talking about, she was interrupted by a highly excited Ari, who was yelling, "Tio! Tio! Look what me and Tia got you!" She was franticly waving a still-in-the-wrapper ice cream bar in his face. Smiling, Eric reached down and lifted her back up onto the bleachers, taking the treat from her. Toasted Almond, his favorite. She remembered.

Victoria smiled, looking back over in the direction where Maria was sitting. Looking back at Eric, she asked, "Your other sister is here?"

Eric raised his eyebrow in confusion. "No. Why do you ask?"

Just then, Calleigh appeared from the same direction that Ari had come. She came around the back of the bleachers, holding her own ice cream bar and two bottles of water.

"So Ari, did Tio like our surprise?" Seeing Victoria stopped Calleigh dead in her tracks.

"Oh," was all Victoria could make herself say. So that was the 'tia' whom Arianna was referring to. It wasn't exactly a welcome sight. Not that anything at all had happened between she and Eric other than some friendly conversation, but if Calleigh was here and Eric's nieces were referring to her as 'tia,' then she didn't stand much of a shot with Eric at this point. She might be interested, but that…well, that she couldn't compete with.

Calleigh forced a smile. "Hi, Dr. Mercier."

"Hi. I, uh, I don't necessarily go by 'doctor' here. You can call me Victoria."

The ensuing awkward pause was interrupted when Ari bounced on Eric's lap, emphatically encouraging, "Tia! Come sit!" Calleigh quickly took her place on the bench next to Eric.

Eric watched as Ari immediately moved from his own lap to settle back comfortably in Calleigh's. Reaching out to tousle her hair, he held up his ice cream. "Thank you for bringing me back such a good present! Did you say hello to my friend?"

Ari turned to Victoria, leaning in closer to Calleigh as she shyly offered, "Hi, Miss 'Toria."

"Hi, Arianna. Well, I better go let Janelle know I'm here, so she doesn't get mad at me. It was nice to see you Eric. Bye, Calleigh."

Watching Victoria walk away, Calleigh may have presented an air of being calm and collected. But that was nothing like how she felt on the inside. Internally, she was doing her own crazy little victory dance. Was it immature? Yes. Was it childish? Most definitely. But Calleigh couldn't help but feel that she'd just won a silent battle. This time, _she_ was the one sitting here with Eric as Victoria walked away. She was the one Ari was cuddled up to, the one whom Ari called 'Tia.' Not Victoria. Maybe it was just one small battle in a series of many required to win the war, but it was a victory she'd revel in regardless.

Ari's hand on her cheek startled Calleigh out of her mental celebration. The girl's exasperatedly drawn out, "Tiaaaaa" made her realize that Ari had been trying to gain her attention. Squeezing her tightly, Calleigh replied, "What's up, Sweet Pea?"

" Tia. You hafta eat your ice cream now! It's gonna melt, and you're gonna get your shirt all messy. Like me, see?" She pointed to the stain on her own shirt as proof of her knowledge. Eric and Calleigh both laughed and proceeded to open their ice creams and begin eating.

It wasn't long before Maria appeared at the side of the bleachers. Giving Eric an apologetic look, Maria addressed her daughter. "Hey, princess. Are you over here bugging Tio and Miss Calleigh?" Ari turned in Calleigh's lap to face her mother and began chatting animatedly.

"Mommy! Tia Calleigh's here! She took me to go potty, and then we got Tio an ICE CREAM!"

The frown of apology was now directed at Calleigh. "Oh, Calleigh. I'm sorry. You didn't have to do that. You should have just sent her back over. I would have taken her."

Calleigh simply smiled and waved her off just as she'd done when Eric had told her the same thing. "Really, Maria, it was no big deal. She wasn't a problem at all. I've missed my little monkey." She accentuated her statement with a big squeeze of the little girl who in turn squealed in laughter. "Honestly. She's not been a bother. I'm glad I got to spend some time with her."

Maria reached out and gripped Calleigh's arm in a gesture of thanks. Turning to her attention to her daughter, she began to speak, knowing full well what kind of reaction she was going to get. "Come on Princess, why don't we leave Tio and Miss Calleigh to finish their ice cream in peace." The groaning she got in response made Eric and Calleigh giggle, though they hid their amusement from Ari, not wanting to undermine Maria's authority.

"But, Mommmmy…" Maria stood firm, shaking her head definitively as she placed a finger softly on Ari's lips to quiet her grumbling. She reached out and lifted the unhappy toddler off of Calleigh's lap. "Listen, remember how I told you that sometimes grownups need to talk without little kids around?" Ari begrudgingly nodded. "Well, I think Tio and Miss Calleigh were having one of those talks. So I think maybe we need to give them their privacy, okay?" Ari conceded, though it was obvious she was not very happy about it.

Calleigh reached out and ran her hand through Ari's hair. "How bout we make a deal, huh? I promise when the game is over, that your Tio and I will come and see you and Bella before we leave, okay?" This perked up the little girl considerably. "Okayyyyy," she drew out her response exaggeratedly. "You _promise_?"

Calleigh was serious as she exclaimed, "Cross my heart!" and made the motion over her chest with her finger. That seemed to satisfy Ari enough to calm her down. Maria set her on the ground and whispered in her ear, "I think that Daddy is missing his littlest Princess!" The three adults watched as the little one dashed away and could soon be seen jumping into the lap of her father.

Turning back to the two next to her, Maria repeated, "I really am sorry guys." Calleigh interrupted her immediately. "Maria, really. Please don't worry about it. She is great. And I really have missed her. I'm glad I…we…got to spend some time with her. Honestly."

"Thanks. Well, you guys enjoy yourselves. I'll see you after the game."

When they were alone once again, Calleigh turned to Eric. "I really didn't mind, you know." He nodded. "I know. Those girls love you, and they've missed you a lot. And I know how you feel about them."

Calleigh looked out to the field, and though she was trying to follow the action, she wasn't able to really focus on what was going on out there on the grass before her. Her mind had wandered. She was thinking about how nice it felt to spend 'family' time with Eric again; about how she wondered if Eric truly knew how she felt about those girls. Of course they were adorable, and any person would enjoy spending time with them. But they weren't just cute to her. She loved them with her whole heart. She considered them family, and if she really thought about it, she would do anything to protect them and keep them safe. And she wondered if it was like this with his nieces, how much more amazing it would be if the children were her own. Hers and Eric's.

"You remembered." Eric's voice startled her and she looked at him in confusion. They had never talked, seriously anyway, about having children, so why would her thinking about their future children lead him to say that. Then she internally laughed at herself. She hadn't said anything out loud, and Eric couldn't read her mind. Though even that fact she sometimes questioned.

"Remembered?" she asked. He gave her that little half grin she was so fond of as he held up his half eaten ice cream bar. "Toasted Almond," he clarified. "My favorite."

She wanted to roll her eyes. She wanted to tell him that of _course_ she remembered. She remembered everything; every little detail about him and their time together. She remembered it all and missed every fact, every quirk, every single little thing about him. She missed it all, every day. She settled for verbalizing something less heavy, but every bit the truth.

"There isn't much I've forgotten, Eric."

Eric could see the regret in her eyes; he heard the sincerity of her words. Truth be told, he hadn't forgotten much either. But remembering didn't make the situation easier. It didn't fix the problems or right the wrongs. There were still issues to be worked through. But at least they had this – today. Today was proof that despite everything, there was a chance. They'd spent an afternoon together, and though there were periods of awkwardness, it was mostly…nice. No bickering, no placing of blame. It had been carefree and comfortable, and dare he think it…fun. It had been a long time since he could admit to having had fun, and it felt pretty darn good.

As though the fates wanted a physical manifestation of his thought process, Eric's attention was drawn back to the field, where once again, Bella had shown her newly developed soccer prowess and scored another goal. Maria and Paul were standing up and cheering, Ari was bouncing around full of pride for her big sister, and beside him, Calleigh was smiling ear to ear, clapping and offering praise and compliments to his beautiful six-year-old niece, who was basking in every second of her glory.

Yeah, it sure was nice to have fun again.

When the whistle blew ending the game, Calleigh turned to Eric with a smile. "Thank you for asking me to come. I really enjoyed being here today."

"I did too," he agreed fondly. "You wanna go over to say goodbye to the girls?"

Nodding her head, Calleigh got up from the bleachers and she and Eric walked over to where Maria and Paul were packing up their things. Maria hugged Calleigh and thanked her for coming, Ari all the while clinging to Calleigh's leg. As soon as Bella was released from her coach's supervision, she came barreling towards the group, jumping immediately into Calleigh's arms as she squealed, "Tia Calleigh! You came! Did you see my goals?"

Calleigh swung her around as she hugged her close. "I sure did, Sweet Pea! You were awesome!" When Calleigh set Bella down, Maria looked at her with a raised brow, her way of reminding her daughter that there was something she needed to do. Immediately, the smile fell from Bella's face.

Calleigh kneeled next to her. "What's the matter, Sweetie?" Bella shuffled her feet nervously as she posed her question.

"Do you 'member I told you that Mommy said I can't call you 'tia' anymore cuz of how it made Tio sad?" Once again, Calleigh felt horrible for being the cause of this stress for the sweet girl before her. She solemnly nodded her head and Bella continued. "Well Tio said I could still call you that, but only if it was okay with you. Can you still be my Tia? I don't wanna call you 'Miss Calleigh'."

Calleigh sighed and took Bella's sweaty little face in her hands. "Bella, as long as Mommy and Daddy and Tio Eric say it's okay, you can call me whatever you want to call me, okay?" Bella was unable to contain her excitement, jumping up and down as she asked, "Really?" Calleigh laughed as she confirmed, "Really! I don't want it to sound like I'm your teacher, right?"

Suddenly Bella had her arms wrapped around Calleigh, hugging her as tightly as she could. "I love you, Tia Calleigh," she whispered. Calleigh had tears in her eyes as she squeezed the little girl back, assuring her, "I love you too, Sweetie. So much." Soon Ari had joined the impromptu group hug and Eric watched on in awe. As hard as it had been to get Calleigh to open up and let him in, it had been different with the girls. They'd had an immediate connection, and that was one side of Calleigh that he hadn't exactly expected. And though unexpected, it was a side of Calleigh that had made him fall just that much more in love with her.

Letting the girls go, Calleigh stood up. For a few minutes she and Eric joined Maria and Paul in some lighthearted banter about the game, Bella and her team while Bella collected all her gear. When it seemed like everyone was ready to leave, Calleigh began to say her goodbyes to the family. Eric had told Maria that he'd see them at their mother's house later on, and an astute little Arianna picked up on the conversation.

"Tia, are you coming to Abuela's to eat too?"

A quick look at Eric's sudden nervous expression told Calleigh exactly what she needed to know to respond.

"Oh Sweet Pea, I can't come over tonight. Maybe another day I'll get to though, okay?" At the girl's disappointed nod, Calleigh added, "Can you do me a favor though? Can you say hi to your Abuela for me, and give her a big hug from me?" Ari giggled and held her arms out as far as she could and said, "I'll give her a hug _this_ big!" Calleigh chuckled, "That's perfect!"

Eric and Calleigh finished saying their farewells, and were about to head back towards the parking area when Bella's sudden, "WAIT!" stopped them. They were confused when the girl first went to her mom, cupping her hand and speaking into Maria's ear secretly. Maria smiled and nodded, and Bella was once again by Calleigh's side.

"Tia, do you want to come to my Birthday party? It's next weekend. I'm having a sand castle party at the BEACH! Sarah and her friends are coming and they promised to help us build the biggest sand castle _ever_! Do you want to come?"

Calleigh wanted to say yes. She wanted to be there, no question, but she also didn't want to ruin any of the progress she'd made today with Eric. Today had gone well, and they'd taken a big step forward. If he would be uncomfortable, then she'd make an excuse as to why she couldn't make it. She wasn't willing to jeopardize their progress. But when she looked to Eric to gauge his reaction, it was written all over his face. She could tell he wasn't opposed to the idea. His subtle nod was all the confirmation she needed.

"I would love to come, Bella. I don't want to miss the chance to see the biggest sand castle ever!" The two girls began to cheer and dance around in a little circle, their infectious joy bringing smiles to the faces of all the adults standing near them. Maria gave Calleigh the specifics for the party, and with a few more hugs and kisses, the girls finally allowed Eric and Calleigh to leave.

"So who's Sarah?" Calleigh asked as they made their way towards her car.

"She's the sitter. She's a local high school kid. I guess she was the one who gave Bella her swimming lessons. The kids love her, and she's great with them. It was just a good fit, cuz she has the energy to keep up with them, and it gives my mom a break sometimes."

They had reached her car. Calleigh unlocked the door and opened the windows to air the car out for a minute before she got in. Turning back to Eric, she asked sincerely, "Is it okay that I told her I'd come to the party? It's not going to make anyone uncomfortable?"

Eric chuckled. "Do you really think after what you saw today that any of them will be uncomfortable with you there?"

"It wasn't _them_ I was worried about," Calleigh retorted. "If it will make _you_ uncomfortable, Eric, then I'll tell her something came up at work."

Shaking his head, Eric assured her, "No. I won't be uncomfortable. She really wants you there, Calleigh. And it if it makes her happy, then I'll be happy too."

Calleigh smiled, willing to accept that explanation at this particular point in time. She hoped someday Eric would welcome her presence not because it made his nieces happy, but because it made he himself happy. But at the moment she'd take what she could get, so any kind of happy would do.

Tilting her head, Calleigh spoke with sincerity. "I really did have a nice time tonight, Eric. I just want to thank you again for asking me to join you."

Eric shrugged his shoulders sort of apologetically. "It was fun. I guess we really didn't get much chance to talk though. Sorry about that."

Calleigh shook her head. "No, don't apologize, Eric. I think…I think today was perfect just the way it was. I enjoyed getting to spend some time with you and your family again. Maybe we could get together another time soon and have that talk? Just you and me?"

Nervous and fidgety Eric had returned. With hands shoved deep in his pockets, he was kicking around a stone on the pavement when he replied, "Yeah. Umm…I was thinking that maybe we could go have dinner somewhere and talk, maybe?"

Calleigh reached out and lightly touched Eric's forearm. She didn't want to overstep, yet she wanted the contact. She wanted to try to take away some of his edginess.

"I think dinner sounds great."

Eric looked at the petite hand resting on his arm, and he made a conscious effort not to want to push it away. For so long, any contact from the woman in front of him had been painful – a reminder of what he'd had and lost. He didn't want to feel that way any longer. He wanted to let her touch calm him like it had once done.

Meeting her eyes once again, Eric stumbled, "Well, I umm, I have tomorrow off. But, uhh, that's kinda short notice, so maybe we could do something during the week…"

Calleigh interrupted. "You know, I have tomorrow off too. And I don't have any plans."

"Yeah, okay. If that works for you, then. We could do dinner tomorrow. Umm, any particular place you'd like to go?"

Calleigh fought the urge to answer, "_My place_." Yeah, a cozy dinner for two followed by her coercing him into her bed for a night full of 'God-I've-missed-you' sex would be her first choice. She shook the thought from her head. Hopefully that would happen soon enough, but back to reality…

"How bout that Italian place we tried that time? Perricone's, I think it was? They had great food."

Eric nodded. He'd liked that restaurant, and from what he remembered, the atmosphere was such that they could have a private conversation. It was a nice place, but not too fancy. They could dress casually. "Yeah, that's a good choice. I liked that place."

Eric was now debating how to go about arranging the final part of this plan. This wasn't exactly a date. Picking her up would make it feel too much like a date, but would it be unkind to expect her to get herself there? He _had_ extended the invitation, and he was brought up to treat women with respect…

"So how bout I meet you there at 7 o'clock?" Calleigh asked.

Well, then. She took all the uncertainty out of the equation, just like that.

"Yeah, okay. That sounds good. I'll meet you there at 7."

"Great!" she drawled. "Well then, I guess I'll see you tomorrow. And thanks again. I really had a good time tonight."

Eric smiled, glad to have gotten that particular awkward conversation over with. "Me too. And thanks for the ice cream."

Calleigh laughed, offering breezily, "Anytime, Eric."

Then without really realizing what she was doing, Calleigh closed the gap between she and Eric and put her arms around his middle. She probably shocked herself as much as she did Eric, and waited for the negative reaction she feared he'd have. But as surprised as he was, Eric allowed the gesture, gently lowering his hands around Calleigh's back to return the hug. It was a friendly embrace, far from intimate, but as Eric held onto her, he closed his eyes, memories of past embraces fluttering through his mind.

They released each other quickly, Calleigh climbing into her car and driving away. Eric stood rooted in his spot for a few moments, watching her car disappear down the road. And a few rows over, a certain Medical Examiner stood by her car watching Eric look with longing in the direction the blonde detective had just departed. And as she watched him she knew…

She never really had a chance.

* * *

Ha! Take that, Vic! :P  
See, I told you all if you stuck with me, it'd get good!


End file.
